Niccigirl Posted November 21, 2005 Share Posted November 21, 2005 ok guys n girls this is a very similar scenario to many, I've been with my guy for 20months, we're both each others first loves and i was his first sexual partner. He is an amazing person, extremely sensitive, loving, attentive, honest, perfect and we've been through a lot since i became homeless, my brother died and now i've moved away from him 2go 2 uni! despite my problems i actually considered myself the luckiest person alive because i'd manage to find my soulmate. He brings up marraige and kids willingly and we get so excited about the future. Now here's the bit i cant get my head around, I was confronted by one of my new flat mates with the fact that all men's eyes wander and i had the longest arguement beacause my bf made me beleive he didnt, if i commented on a women being fit he would always jump right in and say no she's not ur the most beautiful girl in the world. Am i stupid to beleive he thinks this. After my arguement with the flat mate, i had 2ask him and hated doin it because it showed i didnt beleive him, i felt so guilty about doubtin him a little, he promised me that he didnt, promises mean a lot to me and he knows that, he promised me and i didnt ask him to or force him. I borrowed his laptop whilst mine was being fixed and i decided to run a scan disk to organise files on his hard drive, all of these girls names came up, i was shocked! i looked in the temporary internet files and found every single thing he has ever clicked on, on the internet. Blonde, large chested women. He apparently hates large breasts, thats wot he told me, he doesnt like the shape or somethin. we've broken up and gotten back together, he's said that he didnt touch himself whilst looking at them but he got sexually aroused and if he pursued his desires he would go to his bedroom but picture me and maybe me with one of those girls. I'm good with computers n found out exactly how long he had viewed each picture, a minute is a long time to stare at a still picture and not imagine having sex with them! i would be put at ease if he told me that he did want sex with them and he was going to look at them again, because i'm never going to no if he's tellin the truth about not looking, i've told him if he wants to do it just to be open about it so i'm not fooled into thinkin he's someone else. i dont no wot to do? he still tells me i'm more attractive than any of them but i'm sure that if u put me up on the net against carmen electra (he actually admitted he liked this one) i would not get one vote. Im not gettin myself down, i'm realistic that i'm not better looking than these girls, so why does he lie? is he still lying? he's sworn he wont do it again, but will he? am i good enough for him? Please give me advice men, was i duped or am i naiive??? i no wot men are like and they love looking at women, i assumed he was like this untill he convinced me he wasnt! I'd appreciate brutal honesty, thanks Link to post Share on other sites
oh_what_am_I_doing Posted November 21, 2005 Share Posted November 21, 2005 Well I am going to go out on a limb here and say that I think your decision to run the scan disk had a clear-cut purpose: you wanted to know what he was looking at online. I originally thought of saying that next you should just crack into his emails and see whether or not he's contacting any of these hotties, but then I decided against it. Anyway, men look at porn. Men look at girls as they pass them on the street. My guy told me today he gets an erection about once an hour, and many of them are caused by random strangers on the street. Does that bother me? Yes. Do you have a right to be bothered by it? Yes. But there's no point in wallowing around in misery because all men do it. Your man is normal. Of course he was lying to you before- he was trying to save you from hurting. What is true is that he picks you over all the hotties from the net. They're not special to him- you are. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Niccigirl Posted November 21, 2005 Author Share Posted November 21, 2005 thanks for ur reply, i knew all of that to begin with until he changed my entire view on men for the good (or stupid). Just to clear this up, by scan disk i ment disk defrag its to maintain the hard drive coz he no's nothin about computers i did it for him, thats wen i saw all the files coz the defragmenter moves them to save hard drive space, n thats wen i saw the names come up "tishara lee cousino" n "demi moore". I never thought he'd ever do this, i genuinely beleived him wen he looked into my eyes n promised me it wasnt something he'd ever want to do, n i felt so ashamed for asking him, so guilty for doubting him. I guess i'm just stupid, but i want us to work so how do i no wen he's telling the truth, how will i no wen i'm bein naiive. Should i have to build this wall up to protect myself, coz i thought that wen it was real there were no lies! Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted November 21, 2005 Share Posted November 21, 2005 1. Men look at pictures of women even if they don't love the women in the pictures 2. A lot of women are exceedingly insecure and fear that the men prefer the pictures to them no matter how untrue that is 3. Therefore men are terrified to confess that they like looking at women because they know their women will freak out for no reason because the men still love their own women better than any picture 4. We are still animals - created to mate and produce more of the same species. That's why men get erections at the drop of a hat and people fall 'madly in love' with people they only lust. It's part of being a critter. And that, my dear, is how it goes. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Niccigirl Posted November 21, 2005 Author Share Posted November 21, 2005 so all men think its ok to lie to the woman they love? ppl r missin my point, its ****ed with my hed, wot i thought was reality for the past 20months was just a pretence. i no he loves me n wud choose me over anyone, but i also no he has the ability to look me in the eyes and lie, and promise me that he's not. Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted November 21, 2005 Share Posted November 21, 2005 There are lies and lies. "I didn't have sexual intercourse with that intern" is a real lie. Fibbing about doing things that you know you'll get shxt from someone for doing isn't the same thing. And it's unfair of you to classify them as the same thing.. I'll bet you a billion dollars you're not 100% honest with your bf but you'll excuse your lies as 'little white lies'. Well so is the fib about not looking at porn. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Niccigirl Posted November 21, 2005 Author Share Posted November 21, 2005 rite, the conversation didnt go 'do u look @porn' ...... 'no or course not dont be silly' it went Me: 'i was talkin to alex the other day and he said that all men look at other girls, coz he had pic on his laptop' Him 'yeah' Me: 'i asked him if his grilfriend knew n he said "yes, she's ok with it", i wouldnt mind if u did but do u ever look at porn?' Him: 'oh my god of course i dont, ur the only girl i ever want to look at naked, how could i look at another wen i've got u, ur so beautiful, its just me n u nic, we're soulmates, we're forever, i love u so much and the thought of seein another woman naked makes me sick, noone compares to u, i cant beleive u'd think i wud. etc. etc dont think i was insecure coz i was the most secure person in the world coz he always talks to me like this, we were so intimate together, we could say absolutely anythin to each other, past gfriends, marraige he decided wot we'd call our kid if he was a boy, he always wispers in my ear my name with his surname added. i'm nt a prude, ive asked him if he wants to watch porn with me (i dont currently watch it), n he sed no coz he hates the thought of another woman, i offered a threesome with me n this girl who's as attractive as me n he said he couldnt even if he didnt have sex with her n she played wiv me. i actually had more doubts that he might be gay coz he's more soppy than me, i thought he was an actual 'nice guy' if i cud av described him in one word it wud av bin 'lovely' i am reasonable but all i no is that this really hurts me, so should i just dismiss how he's made me feel? Link to post Share on other sites
Craig Posted November 21, 2005 Share Posted November 21, 2005 Me: 'i was talkin to alex the other day and he said that all men look at other girls, coz he had pic on his laptop' Him 'yeah' Me: 'i asked him if his grilfriend knew n he said "yes, she's ok with it", i wouldnt mind if u did but do u ever look at porn?' Him: 'oh my god of course i dont, ur the only girl i ever want to look at naked, how could i look at another wen i've got u, ur so beautiful, its just me n u nic, we're soulmates, we're forever, i love u so much and the thought of seein another woman naked makes me sick, noone compares to u, i cant beleive u'd think i wud. etc. etcWhat he experienced was a possible set up and he was taking pre-emptive action to avoid a disturbance. Guys are WIRED to look at women. This doesn't mean that they are out to bed everywoman they look at it just means that is reality. He isn't responsible for your feelings, you have control over how you look at things and how you feel. Link to post Share on other sites
suzy Posted November 23, 2005 Share Posted November 23, 2005 No disrespect babe, and I know its sad but.. ALL GUYS LOOK AT PORN, I REPEAT ALL GUYS LOOK AT PORN ..even the ones who swear that they dont, say its degrading to women (and other cliches) Give the guy a break, let it go, Take Care Link to post Share on other sites
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