Strategy to get her back - Little help here.

[NotGivingUp]

Hello all,

 

Here's my story. I started dating a girl last October. We dated until May and then I broke up with her because I could feel myself pulling back from getting close. It was definately not her, she is amazing, everything I could ask for in another person. I was burned in the relationship before her and was graduating and all in all just didn't have things in order upstairs. I cared for her so much but could not stay in a relationship where I wasn't giving her as much as she gave me.

 

She was crushed. We decided to stay friends. We talked everyday, hung out all the time but it was so difficult because her feelings were so strong for me and I never let myself get back with her until I knew that it would be a more permanent thing. She always tried to get me back and was hurt continually when I didn't want to. We slept together a few times during this past 6 months and each time I tried to say no but feelings I very much still have for her kept acting up and I couldn't be a bigger jerk sleeping with her and not getting back together.

 

This past October I started to look at things, realizing that we couldn't go on like this. I could not keep her around forever just being a friend. We still hung out and each time I started to realize how much she really meant to me and that I needed her in my life. Mid-October, I asked her if she would take me back. Enter the real problems.

 

She said she'd think about it because she wanted to be sure. I couldn't agree more. After all I put her through, I can't blame her for not trusting me and not wanting to get hurt again. She also said she had started seeing somebody from her new law school. That hit me like a ton of bricks. Over the next few weekd I did everything I could to show her that I do love her, and that I was so sorry for making the mistake of leaving her in the first place. She responded very well to it at first. Told me she was going to stop seeing the guy because he knew she had feelings for me. Asked me over a few times and seemed to want to give me another shot. Then things changed. She told me the guy came back and wanted a chance with her and that she was going to start seeing him again. Told me to stop all the gestures because she wasn't ready for that yet. Told me she needed time and that "we" wouldn't happen for at least a few months. Now this guy is her BF and she says she really likes him. I probably pushed too hard telling her how I felt and now she just seems angry. She said we can be friends but "just friends" and that I'd have to be ok with her having a BF and respecting their space. I haven't talked to her in over a week.

 

I love this girl with all my heart. I haven't been able to live with the fact this I had her and let her go. That I took her for granted and didn't realize what I had until she was gone. She was my best friend and a huge part of my life and now I don't know what to do. I would give anything to get her back even if it took years. I just don't know what to do now. I haven't contacted her in over a week to give her space and hopefully do what she's been asking for. It was all my fault and I know that. She wasn;t going to wait forever but I know she hasn't lost all feelings yet. Any advice from all of you one how to get back in her life? To show her that I truly love her and won't hurt her again. This regret is impossible. I know I must have hurt her so badly over the past 6 months and I'd wait 10 times as long for her. I just can't figure out how to proceed. Thanks for any help.

[whereismylifegoing]

ouch!

just move on......tell her that you love her and don't be a doormat like me. i'm stupid about my ex. but i was on the end of where i was dumped. it sucks when you love somebody so much and they reject you. so she probably doesn't trust you. were you still talking to her when she was seeing this guy? or did that just pop up?

[cynicalnlove]

This is a sad story because now you're the one to make the mistake. You were an idiot - i must say to this. She's waited patiently for you, hoping that you would come around; but you did when its too late. I hope other people see's their mistakes like you do. I'm sorry to say, but she gave more than she already has, and you couldn't do anything about it. You kept pushing her away. what was she suppose to do? wait for you, for how long before she realizes that she has to be happy too.

 

Ok - i don't know if you're going to go back and do what you did to her in the beginning, because that's what she's terrified of. the longer you wait to win her back, she'll fall deeper and deeper in love with this new bf - and then you'll be out of her mind completely. you'll never have her back like that.

 

Just be honest with her, tell her - you're sorry for everything, tell her you love her. but this is also unfair on your part, because now she has to make a decision; instead of you doing this before she dated that guy. but honesty is the best policy. Tell her what you're willing to do, tell her how you feel.. take her out, bring her roses. Then there's nothing more you just hope for teh best.

[solsta]

wow, i guess the NC thing is really working on you. Not to downplay your feelings for her.

It is unfortunate that it took you so long to realize what you had, she does have every right to have moved on after waiting so long for you to come around. However, I would not give up completely. I'd give her some space and some time, then maybe in a few weeks send a short email just asking her how life is going, and let her know you have been keeping busy and doing positive things in life. Hopefully she will come around when she realizes that this time you are in it for the long haul and will wait for her this time.

[pippen_2k]

What made you want her back after all this time?

 

Are you feeling lonley and havnt met anyone else since?

 

and also.. have you still got that problem of not wanting to let people get too close to you?

 

What ever your doing make sure your being fair to her too.. obviously she has found some hapiness with this new dude... Dont take that away from here for your own selfish needs unless your 100% sure.

 

Lata gator.

[cynicalnlove]

What made you want her back after all this time?

 

Are you feeling lonley and havnt met anyone else since?

 

and also.. have you still got that problem of not wanting to let people get too close to you?

 

What ever your doing make sure your being fair to her too.. obviously she has found some hapiness with this new dude... Dont take that away from here for your own selfish needs unless your 100% sure.

 

Lata gator.

 

 

Exactly my point. What if she comes back and you feel the same way and decide to jerk her around while you make your decision. She's going to be hurt again, even more because she would choose you. is it fair?