clynn Posted November 21, 2005 Share Posted November 21, 2005 Who stays friends with an ex? Why? Do you keep in contact and see each other occasionally, with - or without - the idea of reconciliation....? Just for the sake of friendship? How do people feel about this? Whether you are single or have a boyfriend / girlfriend? Link to post Share on other sites
Brittanyjean06 Posted November 21, 2005 Share Posted November 21, 2005 i think people do this, because they are not serious of a break up yet...... when its a break up, you know it. and hanging out with your ex is causing trouble Link to post Share on other sites
hotrod12345 Posted November 21, 2005 Share Posted November 21, 2005 I dont think its appropriate to continue hanging out wiht an ex when your in a relationship. Is conversation not in person but enough to continue a friendship ok? Link to post Share on other sites
Tangerina Posted November 21, 2005 Share Posted November 21, 2005 To me, it all depends on the situation!! My BF's first ex? Well, we are all going skiing together this weekend... that was so long ago between them and it is so over that I don't even think about the fact that they used to date... on top of that, it isn't like he was just born and then met me! His second EX? I feel really wierd around her and they don't have much contact but if they had more it would make me really uncomfortable... the circumstances between them are just really different than with his first..... however, I don't see anything wrong with being friends with exes if you can in a healthy way, even if you are in a relationship... if it starts to affect the relationship then it is not healthy!!! My ex? We can't be friends yet because he isn't over me, but if he ever gets to that point I would love to be friends and I think my BF would be ok with that... if my ex doesn't get to that point? THat's just life, I'm not going to force it.... Link to post Share on other sites
centered Posted November 23, 2005 Share Posted November 23, 2005 My ex? We can't be friends yet because he isn't over me, but if he ever gets to that point I would love to be friends and I think my BF would be ok with that... if my ex doesn't get to that point? THat's just life, I'm not going to force it.... Tangerina, you are so right. That's the key to being friends with an ex. You have to be over each other. and if you are truly over each other, then your current SO probably *will* be okay with it. I'm good friends with my exes -- but it took a good solid period of no contact before that was even possible. I read somewhere it takes half the length of a relationship to get over the person and have a shot at being "just friends." The half-length rule was also brought up when I was in marriage counselling when I went through my divorce. Maybe it's just folk-wisdom, but it seems to work. My marriage lasted about 10 years, and it took about 5 before we could be comfortable around each other. (Okay, that was 5 years of loathing on my part, so no danger of romance creeping in.) My current boyfriend is, after 8 months and 1 week, finally really over the 4-month fling he had with his last girlfriend. (Friday morning, as I dropped him off at work, he finally said he loved me!!! ) So, case in point: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t71398/ He's over her (finally), and is no longer feeling guilty about breaking up with her. But she is *still* not over him, and is trying to pull the guilt trump card one last time for Thanksgiving. (She baked him a pumpkin pie, and brought him a slice when I wasn't around. Isn't that sweet? Not!) Can they be friends now? Hardly. Especially when she makes it conditional for him that to be her friend, he must try not to mention my name or have both of us in the same place at the same time. Lovely woman. You can tell she and I are certainly going to be friends. Soon. Any decade now. And here's the other part of the equation necessary to be friends with your ex: You have to be friendship material *outside* of any sexual relationship. It works better if you were actually friends before having sex. And it's even better still if you have something in common besides sharing bodily fluids with each other. Trying to manufacture an artificial friendship where one never existed (or normally would not have happened without sex getting in the way) is just fake, and is bound to piss off your current SO when the vibe is so clearly wrong for "just friends." Link to post Share on other sites
mini696 Posted November 24, 2005 Share Posted November 24, 2005 Because it takes friendship to love someone, and good friends are hard to come by. If you find a relationship isnt working, why not try to remain friends? Link to post Share on other sites
Dookie Posted November 25, 2005 Share Posted November 25, 2005 I don't stay friends with ex's. It just causes trouble and I guess I don't feel I've totally moved on if I am still friends with them...there are of course exceptions to this. I am in a long term relationship... I don't havea problem with my boyfriend being friends with his ex as long as the past is the past and everything in the past has been ealt with. Link to post Share on other sites
sleeplessincnd Posted November 25, 2005 Share Posted November 25, 2005 I am friends with every one of my exes and that is only b/c I am over them and completely in love with my bf. If I wasn't over them it would be too hard to listen to them talk about their happy lives etc. I feel that even though ppl figure out they are not good for each other doesn't mean they didn't share a bond and that can carry on even when you are with someone new Link to post Share on other sites
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