Should my g/f see her ex?

[hotrod12345]

Im 20 and my g/f is 18. We have been through a lot and plan to live with each other and we talk about marrige and our future together. She is my first love and she siad that I am her first love. She has this ex boyfriend who she was with on and off throughout highschool. He treated her poorly but at the same time she says that he will always be her friend and that she can tell him anything. Now I dont want to be a mean guy but it bothers me that she talks to him still. I realize a conversation isnt a big deal but she told me that no matter what she wont stop being friends with him. I dont know how to handle this because I told her I dont like how she still talks to him, and at the same time she siad its something I have to deal with and wont be changing because I cannot choose her friends. Any tips or advice you can give me on how to handle this? thanks its most apreciated.

[Cecelius]

A male friend whom she used to hook up with who used to treat her poorly, but whom she can tell anything, and has drawn a line in the sand?

 

She's not your g/f.

 

I would pull back, harden you heart -- continue to date her, bang her, whatever, but do not put another moment's emotion into her.

[hotrod12345]

Her and I Will be going to the same college this spring semester, so I was wondering what you think too because we will be together most all of the time and recently its just been tough being apart because i have not yet transfered to the college.

[Cecelius]

So long term your plan is that since you will be able to occupy her time a lot, there is no issue since he won't have time to get into her pants?

 

Your girl gets points for being honest about the ex (most girls would conclude that they are not up to anything wrong, any adverse reaction you would have would be just based on jealousy and so what you don't know won't hurt you). That's all she goets points for.

[Cat-ty]

i think that if you tell her not to talk to him she will resent you for it and just continue talking to him anyways. u should be slightly cautious of this situation but i believe that she will appreciate your trust in her in the long run and realize how lucky she is to have you

[Cecelius]

No, unless you like being a dorrmat, you need to understand that your g/f has basically reserved the possibility of further sexual and intimate contact with her ex.

 

I agree that if you tell her what to do, you are doomed. I think you simply dump her (and I really mean it -- you are not trying to get your way, you are simply reacting to what she has told you she is going to do).

[suzy]

I DONT ENVY YOU!

These types of situations are always difficult ones to handle. My personal belief is that an x should be just that , an x (ie;gone, not around) but believe me, I have learned that the hard way after making lots of mistakes with the "x is just a friend" scenario.

Your g/f has stated clearly though that she is not going to stop seeing him, and she really leaves you with no option but to live with it or leave her. I dont see that you can MAKE her stop seeing her x , and if you could, she would almost certainly resent you. Decide what you want to do based on how much you trust her, and how much YOU will or wont resent HER if this situation continues, but dont try to stamp down "the law" here, cos the relationship will be tense and uncertain if you do.

Take care x

[mini696]

It completely depends on the situations they find themselves in. If she really need to see him, then she should at least invite you along.

 

I try not to stop my GF's doing anything they want to do, I will say how I feel, and tell them my fears, then leave the decision up to them. I wont ever say "No you cant do that"

[poster]

I just went through a similar situation...I didn't want to tell her what to do, I wanted to let her know what I thought and leave the results up to her. It is her decision to make. My thoughts were this, If you talk to him, just let me know. She then told me she blocked his number. Come to find out three weeks ago, she had been hiding his number under a girl's name in her cell phone for two months. I called the guy and found out that she spent a weekend with him after we had been dating three months. After she had told me she loved me, sleeping at my house all the time, love letters, all that ****. She had told me she went out of town to have a girls weekend. Burns me up just thinking about it. I guess what I am saying be honest with yourself. Is this someone I really want to be with, knowing I can't control what they do? Am I really that important to her if she is unwilling to let go of her ex? He is her past, you are her present. That is just my advice, I realize I am biased. Good luck, remember that she isn't the only girl in the universe.

[hotrod12345]

thanks for your advice and sharing your personal situations. This is soo hard aahhh but i appreciate everything everyone. further advice is always welcome.

[LN8840K]

read the post by cake about cheating on her boyfriend with her ex, then go from there

[hotrod12345]

When i was concerned about her wanting to see her ex i mis-interpreted what she told me. She has a guy friend who is cousins with her ex and she has been good friends with him for a long time. I siad i didnt care if she went and hung out with him but id rather not have the ex there. She told me she wouldnt want him there anyway, but whats the big deal if she were to hang out with him. then i siad If your friend is there i guess its not as bad but i really dont think its appropriate for you and your ex to hang out alone. and she siad "Well what if I do?" and then we got into an argument and later i found out she was just trying to get a rise out of me. all a big mis understanding but thanks for all your input it was really appreciated.