Boyfriend broke up to be w/another girl and now he's trying contact

[marzipan75]

Okay so here's the soap opera again. My boyfriend shattered my heart almost three weeks ago now. Since then we talked once and I was finally able to get the details on why. He slept w/another girl and then called me and broke up w/me. I did not know that was the issue at the time. The girl he slept with was also involved in a relationship.

 

The second week of our break up he calls me and basically confesses it all to me and tells me he still cares for me and wants to be good friends. I had to basically relive the whole break up again but this time with a more calm demeanor. I didn't know how to react because I think I was numb from what I was hearing. In the end, I said I didn't know how I was supposed to feel and that I did not know about friendship but maybe it was possible after time had passed.

 

When I said that, I didn't mean a week! I went out of town and started building a new life with new friends of my own. Now this third,week he's already left me a message on my cell phone. As instructed, I did not call him back and made no attempt at contact whatsoever.

 

This afternoon I found an email message from him asking how my trip went,etc. What the *&^*&6 am I supposed to do? It seems as if every time, I start feeling better, this guy finds a way to creep back into my thoughts. He's not vindictive but enough is enough! I just don't get it and unfortunately, even after all that he's done I still have some feelings for the guy. Eight years is a long time and we weren't just lovers, we were best friends too. I can't keep regressing like this, otherwise I'll never get anywhere.

 

Should I just call him to set the record straight once and for all or just not contact him at all and let him get the picture from my silence? Please help! Anybody! I am still hurting over this and I wanted him to hurt too but this feels kind of sick.

 

I know he feels guilty about the way he handled our break up and he should! Under the circumstances, I can't be there to be supportive about this because I'm the one involved and I'm the one who got hurt. It sounds like he's pretty confused. He told me a lot about the girl that he's been with and that he's trying to have a relationship with her.I stopped him right there and told him I didn't want to talk anymore. I mean, what am I his confidant? Why can't he talk to his "new" girlfriend about all this crap and leave me alone. And I'm wondering if she would appreciate too much that he's trying to contact me. I just don't get it.

 

One minute he gets close to this girl because they work together and even share the same office. So why doesn't he bother her and not me? This whole thing smells of confusion on his part and leads me to believe that he's not entirely over me as he said he was. But the point is who cares, I care in a way because I'm so exhausted of thinking and dealing with this stuff. And everybody tells me I shouldn't care and that it's his problem now. He made his choice now he has to deal with it, just as I am.

 

In essence, I thought he was no longer in love with me, or is he? What does this all mean? Is he just trying to make himself feel better by finding out that I am doing okay without him? Is this sick or what? I mean I think this is feeding off my want to get back together with him but after he told me what he did, I don't want him anymore.

 

SHould I just ignore it and go on? Is he trying to be manipulative here or just make himself feel less guilty? Please help!

[clia]

I have no idea what he's trying to accomplish, but it sounds like you are headed down the right path to get over this break up. After 8 years, I'm sure he's still attached to you. Maybe he's over things and thinks that because he is, you should be, too. (IMO, it should take much longer than 3 weeks to get over an 8 year relationship. It took me almost a year to get over a 2 year relationship and I did the breaking up!)

 

If it were me, I think I'd send him one final e-mail to get it through his thick skull and say something along the lines of "I am trying to move on with my life, a life that does not involve you. Therefore, I would appreciate it if you would not contact me. I value the friendship we once had, but you made your decision when you slept with that other girl. If in the future I decide that I want to be friends with you, I will contact you. Please do not contact me again." I wouldn't call him because it will give him a chance for rebuttal and arguing and in a sense try to wear you down and convince you that you are wrong. You aren't! It's great that you're going on with your life and you surely need separation from him to do so. If you don't do this, he may continue to keep contacting you, despite what you told him, which will only drag this out further. Lay it on the line, and if he continues to e-mail you after that, block his e-mail address so you don't have to deal with it. (I think you can even block his phone number, actually, but I'm not sure.)

 

Okay so here's the soap opera again. My boyfriend shattered my heart almost three weeks ago now. Since then we talked once and I was finally able to get the details on why. He slept w/another girl and then called me and broke up w/me. I did not know that was the issue at the time. The girl he slept with was also involved in a relationship.

 

The second week of our break up he calls me and basically confesses it all to me and tells me he still cares for me and wants to be good friends. I had to basically relive the whole break up again but this time with a more calm demeanor. I didn't know how to react because I think I was numb from what I was hearing. In the end, I said I didn't know how I was supposed to feel and that I did not know about friendship but maybe it was possible after time had passed. When I said that, I didn't mean a week! I went out of town and started building a new life with new friends of my own. Now this third,week he's already left me a message on my cell phone. As instructed, I did not call him back and made no attempt at contact whatsoever. This afternoon I found an email message from him asking how my trip went,etc. What the *&^*&6 am I supposed to do? It seems as if every time, I start feeling better, this guy finds a way to creep back into my thoughts. He's not vindictive but enough is enough! I just don't get it and unfortunately, even after all that he's done I still have some feelings for the guy. Eight years is a long time and we weren't just lovers, we were best friends too. I can't keep regressing like this, otherwise I'll never get anywhere.

 

Should I just call him to set the record straight once and for all or just not contact him at all and let him get the picture from my silence? Please help! Anybody! I am still hurting over this and I wanted him to hurt too but this feels kind of sick. I know he feels guilty about the way he handled our break up and he should! Under the circumstances, I can't be there to be supportive about this because I'm the one involved and I'm the one who got hurt. It sounds like he's pretty confused. He told me a lot about the girl that he's been with and that he's trying to have a relationship with her.I stopped him right there and told him I didn't want to talk anymore. I mean, what am I his confidant? Why can't he talk to his "new" girlfriend about all this crap and leave me alone. And I'm wondering if she would appreciate too much that he's trying to contact me. I just don't get it.

 

One minute he gets close to this girl because they work together and even share the same office. So why doesn't he bother her and not me? This whole thing smells of confusion on his part and leads me to believe that he's not entirely over me as he said he was. But the point is who cares, I care in a way because I'm so exhausted of thinking and dealing with this stuff. And everybody tells me I shouldn't care and that it's his problem now. He made his choice now he has to deal with it, just as I am. In essence, I thought he was no longer in love with me, or is he? What does this all mean? Is he just trying to make himself feel better by finding out that I am doing okay without him? Is this sick or what? I mean I think this is feeding off my want to get back together with him but after he told me what he did, I don't want him anymore. SHould I just ignore it and go on? Is he trying to be manipulative here or just make himself feel less guilty? Please help!