together 10 years,another man, living in paradise

[Woggle]

Put in for vacation time at work and go somewhere. I know it's hard but you have to move on. Believe me you are not the only man going through this. Find other ways of being happy and never let her see you unhappy. Always appear to her like you are having the time of your life. It might just turn her around. It sure made my ex want me again but then I found out I didn't wabt her anymore.

[Spurned]

Phrekmon,

 

I've been through that crap and Woggle is absolutely right.

 

You're in a bad situation. That was me about six months ago.

 

It does get better, and you can help it get better exponentially faster by NOT HAVING ANY CONTACT with her. Every time you see her, talk to her, plead with her, it will just set you back.

 

If you do as Woggle suggests you might be surprised by the results. You can research other threads about no contact, love must be tough, etc. to delineate what I'm talking about.

 

Keep eating, stay healthy, take a vacation, don't talk to her. You'll get control of your life back in a while, trust me.

[phrekmon]

Unfortunatly no contact wont work for another week or two, bills have to be split,she still has stuff here but (I'm not calling her). She has nothing for me, although she did call me this morning asking me if her broken cell phone came back repaired. I told her yes that I had it and she then procedes to ask me to drop it off to her. I almost laughed and just said no. I got a smart answerand she hung up.

 

Today emotionaly was messed for me, up and down

sad,angry,scared,insecure,missing her,what could I have done different? most definitly the worse so far. But hey I'm still here ! I feel a lot better tonight after talking to my friend on the mainland.

Well its time to take a pill (right after I eat) and see if I can sleep more than 2 hours. thanks again for listening it surely helps, Dennis

P.S. I wasn't thinking about punctuation I was just pounding the keys.

[Woggle]

You may have to see her but always put on a happy face when you do. Never let her see you despressed or unhappy.

[phrekmon]

Well I had thought that with taking the sleeping pills and accepting the fact that my marriage was most likely over my mind and thoughts would slow down but NOT, I slept maybe 3 hours all night, when i would wake my mind just starts racing, I do try and thinks of something else but to no avail.

I go to see the therapist today (weird but I can't wait) so hopefuly he/she will have something for me.

Today I will not wear my wedding band for the first time since being married, I dont know if this is the right thing to do but it just doesnt feel right wearing it.

Again today the ache seems less but I'm sure it will grow during the day, How long can I expect this rollercoaster ride to last ? Oh well as always thanks for listening/reading I'll post again after work, Dennis

[Spurned]

Phrekmon,

 

I won't lie to you: This roller coaster will last a while, and it's different for each person.

 

The amplitude of the emotional ride will be decreased if you minimize contact with her. If she calls asking what you're up to, keep the responses short and initiate the end of the phone call.

 

I think absolute no contact is better, but it sounds like you have to stay in touch with her.

 

I wallowed in bed, obsessed over what my wife was doing, didn't eat. When my friends forced me to go out, drink beers, exercise, take walks, etc. things started to turn around. Force it! I was there, dude! FORCE IT!!

[Woggle]

Spurned is right. There is a whole world outside of this woman and you should start experienceing it. I am not a misogynist but quite frankly no woman is worth crying over. If they really are worth crying over they won't make you cry in the first place. Any woman that is worth it won't treat me the way your wife is treating you. That is why i say take vacation time from work and go somewhere. Take a trip and get away for a while. Experience what this world has to offer.

[phrekmon]

Well today went pretty well, On my way to the counsellor today I dropped her cell to the front desk of her work (she wasnt around and i didnt ask, is that initiating contact ?)anyways the counsellor really just stirred me up again and told me that she wanted me to see a Physicologist that I was codependent and this was going to take a while (WOW am I really that F***ED up ?) she didnt tell me anything I didnt already now like taking care of myself, exercise, eat blablabla so that kinda sucked.

 

When I turned my cell back on there was a message from her saying I didnt have to do that thanks. Then she calls my work wanting to know how it went with the counsellor and asking for the number again, then she asks if Im still going to the MC on Friday ? HUH !! (Hey does anyone know if I can have her commited ?) I said sure, I'll pay the MC just to see what she says about the NC to him. anyway it all only frazzled me for a bit then I was almost laughing at how absurd it all was.

 

The job I have is only 6 months old (big promotion) so vacation is out unless I'm commited, so I started really pouring my self into it today and it helped alot. I'm looking forward to a company xmas party coming up on another island in a big fancy hotel so I am stoaked. Hey you guys thanks so much for you opinions it halps a lot, Dennis

[Trimmer]

phrekmon -

 

If you can't do complete NC, here's a little technique I've been using lately, and it has helped me a little bit to keep my head on straight.

 

It used to be that my wife was my "everything-in-one" person - my friend, my lover, my partner, etc... I never really distinguished between all the different roles she played in my life. Now, the reality is that she doesn't want to be my wife any more, and I've accepted that, but we still need to have a fair amount of contact, taking care of the kids and dealing with finances, splitting up our assets over the next few months, etc...

 

So I have started to mentally divide her up into her separate roles: wife, lover, friend, business partner, co-parent. And I think of each of these as potentially divisible roles. Thus, I can accept that my wife and lover has flat out left, gone, goodbye, never to return. But the business partner, I still need to deal with respectfully and calmly, which is in my best interest in order to maximize my financial outcome when we sell the house and split the assets, etc... Then as co-parents, I also need to deal with her respectfully, etc. both so we can discuss kid issues, and also to model reasonable behavior for the kids. And frankly, the "friend" part, well, right now, I'm ready to take a little break from being best buddies.

 

So anyway when I have contact with her, which is fairly often, I look at whatever is going on and I think of her in that way. When we discuss selling the house, I don't think of her as my lying, cheating, STBX-wife, I simply think of her as a business partner who has as much to gain or lose as I, and who certainly wants a good outcome, so I can treat her with some detachment appropriate to business dealings. When we discuss stuff relating to the kids, I look at her as a co-parent who, again, has every interest in providing a good life for our kids, so I can once again detach a little bit from my anger and sadness about "us" as husband and wife. And if she tries to tell me how I should do something or that it looks like I could use a haircut, I politely thank her, but think to myself "man, why's she saying that? That's the kind of thing only a wife should say..."

 

Bottom line: my wife is gone. My lover has left. My best friend of the last 18 years turns out not to "be there" for me. Separate from that, though, I have a business partner and a co-parent that I have to deal with, and I have found I can do that if I try to separate out these roles in my head.

 

It may be too early for you to make this work - I can't remember if I had to really get to the point of accepting that she was gone before I could say goodbye to the wife part and separate out all the rest, or when it started working better for me...

 

Maybe if you can't go on vacation yourself, you can send your "wife" on a mental trip. The "wife" is gone for now. In the dealings you have with her, think of her as a former roommate, a concerned co-parent, whatever roles you need to deal with, but nothing more.

 

I don't know, I'm kind of rambling on here, and I don't know if this will work for you, but it's a little mental technique that helps me out.

 

Good luck sleeping - man, when I don't get enough sleep, everything else just sucks along with it...

 

And while I am in my rambling mode here... Notice those little moments where you feel a little (or a lot) better, even just for a short while, and remember them. It's kind of like method acting - store up that experience so that if you get low later on, even if you can't get yourself to feel better right away, you can at least remember that it is possible to feel better, and trust that you will. Sometimes just that little hope and memory of feeling better got me through some pretty rough times.

 

And being a little farther along the path than you are, I can tell you that the moments, hours, days of feeling better do come back, and they do get longer and more frequent. You will sleep the whole night, and you will wake up and smile in the morning. You will look forward to the future.

[phrekmon]

Thanks Trimmer, that sounds like something that I can at least try. And if it works for you it may for me.

 

I slept about 5 hours and I did eat last night, I am going to try and focus all my energy into myself and my job. The "what if's" are in my head all the time.

I thought a lot last night about "ME". How did I get to this point in my life, was I always co dependent ? Again I always thought of myself as the glue in our relationship and being told that I am co dependent freaks me out. Was I always that way or did I learn it during the last 13 or so years ? At one point in our marriage the wife had told me she was co dependent on me (which right now I dont see her as being) but I read a little back then about it and thought I dont see anything wrong with being dependent on your spouse (is'nt that what married people do ?) I do believe now that my wife has some serious mental problems and needs help (was it me that got her all f***ed up ?)

I now think I enabled her to be the way she is now (like an alcoholic being helped along to continue drinking) I believe all of what she's doing is gonna crash down around her and she'll be calling me for help, at which time I won't be able to help her, shoot if she called today I still can't help her.

This is all so sad, how did I let it come to this ?

Ok time for work talk to you all later. Much Much Thanks for listening and the advice, Dennis

[phrekmon]

Had a good day today, NC and it didnt really bother me, no emotions only a little ichy feeling from not sleeping good. I walked on the beach after work, came home packed some stuff took my last sleeping pill and I'm going to try and get some long sleep. Thanks, Dennis

[Spurned]

Seriously, hang in there man. There will be good days. And then, sometimes because of some trigger and sometimes even without one, there will be horrible ones.

[Mz. Pixie]

The counselor usually sees you first, then she refers you to the shrink- who is the one who can prescribe the meds!

 

Meds for you would be a good thing. I think you're suffering from terrible anxiety. Please consider carefully seeing him.

[phrekmon]

This sucks

[phrekmon]

No one posted to the new thread so I guess i keep this one going ?

 

Anyways Ive been doing O.K. but today my wife calls me early this morning and asks when her portion of the phone bill was due (3 phones on 1 plan) I rel her and remind her that she needs to give me at least a day notice when she is going to get the rest of her stuff, and that I wanted the other key as she shouldnt be here without me, long story short I cant go to her new place if she's not there.O.K. she'll call me.

Next I'm spreading lies around town about her (whenever someone asks me how she's doing I say "I don't know she left me 2 weeks ago") and leave it at that. (this is a small Island where everybody knows your name) so all know whats going on.

I told her I couldnt believe after 12 years how cold and distant she'd become,how it was so easy for her to lie to me, she said well there nothing left to lie about now.

Anyway we argue a bit over stupid stuff and she says she'll call me when she's coming over.

 

I had ran out of sleeping pills and called the Dr. he changed my scrip (they put me to sleep but I'm up after 1-2 hours) and it would be ready this afternoon. I went to pick them up and on the way back who do I see going the other way ?? YEP THE OM DRIVING MY CAR !!!!!#$^%#$%^#$% (My car that i built, custom body work, new everything 73 vw turns 11 sec. if you into it) I'm still pretty cool "in my head" now I'm just trying to get to the end of the workday.

 

Phone rings guess who ? the wife telling me that she had already picked up most of her stuff from the house and she would call me when she was gonna get the rest. My head is ready to explode, I call her a F****ing liar and hang up, she never called back.

 

I've left messages at a couple of lawyers offices, its late so it will have to be Monday.

 

It's like its the damn begining all over again, I feel like dogdoo, I'm just waiting for her to turn of the cable, internet and phone (the only things in her name) All this from a loving wife who gave me 2 cards 40 days ago saying how much she loved me, how sorry she was for carring on with the OM on the phone and how she would NEVER leave me !!!

I believed it ! It was all a big lie ! I helped her move out ! my sweat ! I've given her money ! I am f***ing furious !

 

I know that my future without her will be so much better that it was with her, and I really can't wait. But the betrayal and deceit and hurt is unbelievabe for me to comprehend right now. "I was married to this woman for 10 years !!!!"

Does anyone have any suggestions as to my next move ? this just keeps getting better ! Thanks for listening, Dennis

[bigbrowneyes]

Hi Dennis,

I've been reading your post and I'm really sorry for the stituation that you are experiencing. The anger one feels when they are betrayed by someone once trusted is indescribable. It's ok to be furious but remember to retain your dignity. Don't do or say anything that you will regret one day. Don't let this situation change who you are as a person. And from what I extract from your post, you are a very forgiving and kind individual.

 

Your situation is compounded by the fact that you don't have a support system. While sleeping pills can assist you will some comforts of shut-eye, you wish to consider meeting with a counselor twice a week for the next month. This forum is also a helpful tool to vent and I'm glad to see that you take advantage of this. The support on this site is awesome and I feel grateful for the constant reinforcement to stay strong and live well.

 

Greiveing can be a lengthy process but remember that life is continuing around you. At some point (myself included...as I spent an entire week of vacation crying and whinning over my X) we need to remember that we have to get on with our life. We have to put things together where we can be happy and productive and move forward. We need to set goals and have a vision for our future because we have so much to look forward to...we just don't know it yet. We need not settle for mediocrity.

 

I've been reading some inspirational books this week and realized that life isn't over, it's just a new beginning. We can't get stuck in this rut. We need to see ourselves rising out of it. Life is good and we need to start living the best life we can today.

 

Stay strong and live well. Keep us up to date.

[sylviaguardian]

phrekmon -

 

If you can't do complete NC, here's a little technique I've been using lately, and it has helped me a little bit to keep my head on straight.

 

It used to be that my wife was my "everything-in-one" person - my friend, my lover, my partner, etc... I never really distinguished between all the different roles she played in my life. Now, the reality is that she doesn't want to be my wife any more, and I've accepted that, but we still need to have a fair amount of contact, taking care of the kids and dealing with finances, splitting up our assets over the next few months, etc...

 

So I have started to mentally divide her up into her separate roles: wife, lover, friend, business partner, co-parent. And I think of each of these as potentially divisible roles. Thus, I can accept that my wife and lover has flat out left, gone, goodbye, never to return. But the business partner, I still need to deal with respectfully and calmly, which is in my best interest in order to maximize my financial outcome when we sell the house and split the assets, etc... Then as co-parents, I also need to deal with her respectfully, etc. both so we can discuss kid issues, and also to model reasonable behavior for the kids. And frankly, the "friend" part, well, right now, I'm ready to take a little break from being best buddies.

 

So anyway when I have contact with her, which is fairly often, I look at whatever is going on and I think of her in that way. When we discuss selling the house, I don't think of her as my lying, cheating, STBX-wife, I simply think of her as a business partner who has as much to gain or lose as I, and who certainly wants a good outcome, so I can treat her with some detachment appropriate to business dealings. When we discuss stuff relating to the kids, I look at her as a co-parent who, again, has every interest in providing a good life for our kids, so I can once again detach a little bit from my anger and sadness about "us" as husband and wife. And if she tries to tell me how I should do something or that it looks like I could use a haircut, I politely thank her, but think to myself "man, why's she saying that? That's the kind of thing only a wife should say..."

 

Bottom line: my wife is gone. My lover has left. My best friend of the last 18 years turns out not to "be there" for me. Separate from that, though, I have a business partner and a co-parent that I have to deal with, and I have found I can do that if I try to separate out these roles in my head.

 

It may be too early for you to make this work - I can't remember if I had to really get to the point of accepting that she was gone before I could say goodbye to the wife part and separate out all the rest, or when it started working better for me...

 

Maybe if you can't go on vacation yourself, you can send your "wife" on a mental trip. The "wife" is gone for now. In the dealings you have with her, think of her as a former roommate, a concerned co-parent, whatever roles you need to deal with, but nothing more.

 

I don't know, I'm kind of rambling on here, and I don't know if this will work for you, but it's a little mental technique that helps me out.

 

Good luck sleeping - man, when I don't get enough sleep, everything else just sucks along with it...

 

And while I am in my rambling mode here... Notice those little moments where you feel a little (or a lot) better, even just for a short while, and remember them. It's kind of like method acting - store up that experience so that if you get low later on, even if you can't get yourself to feel better right away, you can at least remember that it is possible to feel better, and trust that you will. Sometimes just that little hope and memory of feeling better got me through some pretty rough times.

 

And being a little farther along the path than you are, I can tell you that the moments, hours, days of feeling better do come back, and they do get longer and more frequent. You will sleep the whole night, and you will wake up and smile in the morning. You will look forward to the future.

 

Trimmer,

 

How did you get to be so smart?!

 

Sylvia

[phrekmon]

Well the dreaded weekend is here,no not really to bad so far, I went surfing ALL day,made a lunch,drank some beers and watched the pretty girls, so tonight I (hopefully) wont need no stinking pills.

 

It's really strange that when I met this woman 12 years ago I had at least 5 people in my life that I could lean on, and now ? No one ! all of my friends are her friends first so thats kinda awkward. Dont get me wrong I think I need this time, It's strange too that you were known as Dennis & (insert cheater name) by most everyone.

 

Thanks for the support Bigbrowneyes I have another councellor appt. next week then its on to the real shrink. And I have acted very good to all involved through all of this, no yelling, screaming etc.. I always think before I speak and I say what I mean and mean what is say, I'm just not saying much of anything to anyone except you guys.

 

NC today so that was good thing although that doesnt stop me from replaying things she's said over the last couple of months and if I had only acted or said something different this wouldnt be happening, shoots I've got her name tatooed on my calf !!

 

What can I do to be less anxious ? I get to thinking that it doesnt seem like I'm getting any better about all this, all those same feelings are still right there,I know anxiety is not good for you and I most likely wont want to take any meds the shrink perscribes. Do any of who have any experience with meds like this ? that make me more anxious. And yes this forum is a godsend even if no one posts it feels good just to type it out.

Oh well thanks for listening, Dennis

[phrekmon]

I had/have taken all I can, I know that it is over with no chance of getting back together, because of her indecisiveness of I want to work it out/its over that was flip flopping daily and of course the OM driving up the street Friday in my car. I WILL GIVE NO MORE !! I dont know if he's moved in with her yet but it doesnt matter.

Monetarily we have nothing (I gave her all she wanted) she took my car and anything she wanted from the house. (where I have to stay/pay all of Dec. to get the deposit back)

Last Friday I cut her and her kids off my health insurance (400. a month in my pocket)and updated my life ins. (she doesnt know yet !) I know some of you will tell me that I shouldnt have taken her off the insurance but why should I pay it ? She has a job that offers it she should pay herself.(up to last year we both worked in the same industry/same job and made basiscly the same amount of money)( funny thing is she helped get me and taught me that job)

then she got fired for non performance and took a crap job with crap pay outside the industry we were in.

I since then have changed company's and actually run the Depatment now)

I will cut off her and her daughters cell phones on Tuesday (bill is due and although she said she'd pay me, I know she wont) so there is nothing left except the large amount of debt I HAVE ALLOWED to grow to 25k at least. I can get through this, I have a great job, great co workers and I live in paradise ( I looked at all the beauty here yesterday for the first time in weeks and its awsome !!) I still believe there is someone out there that will respect and love me.

 

Anyways from all the devastation I will (one day) have to thank her for letting me out of such an unhealthy,demoralizing, untruthful marriage because the way it was going I would have hung in there for the rest of my life. Last week I had called my ex wife who i'd had no contact with in the last 6 years ( it was a 14 year marriage that I cheated on her) she has remarried and I called to appologize to for what I had put her through when I did it to her I JUST DIDNT KNOW how much pain was in it. (she was cool and thanked me for the call) I will keep posting not only for you guys perspective,advice but also to document this dark time in my life, thanks so much for listening, Dennis

[phrekmon]

O.K. I did the same thing today as yesterday SURFING!! Of course when I was going I seen the OM driving my car again !!! It really didnt bother me to much other than the shame I feel. (if you seen my car there would be no doubt who's car it was and HE was not ME)

 

I changed the locks on the house so she cant come in without me here, I've got 25 days to find a place, get this place cleaned up, move all this stuff (I will get rid of a lot this time) and dump the crap.

 

I still find myself picking it all apart, finding more red flags, wondering why I did nothing then ! I wish I knew why she did/is doing all this, you know a real truthful answer so I could understand it, how/why she went to him instead of me, most times its just easier for me to believe shes insane, phsycotic, mentaly ill maybe all of them I dont know ?

 

I tried listening to the radio today, I hadnt been because of the F***ed up lyrics. Well I mostly listened to the alternative station for half hour or so, and then finally it was back to AM talk radio (why are songs such lies for the heart when your breaking apart and so inspirational/heartwarming when your in love ?)

 

Anyways tommorow its back to the grind at work (I welcome it) and she'll probably call because she'll be away from him, It's all going to voicemail and I'll call her back if I think its important, shoots gotta find a lawyer too.

 

I'll post again, Thanks for Being here !!! Dennis

[Trimmer]

Dennis -

 

This is not a judgement, but just a curiosity question - do you hope or want to have any involvement in the girls' lives from here forward, or are you willing or interested to make a pretty clean break from the whole group there? As I see that they are hers and not biologically yours, I'm not going to give you grief about cutting off the whole crew, if that's where you're going, but sometimes "left spouses" still wish to maintain some level of relationship with stepkids, depending on how much and what kind of bond they have built.

 

Again, please take this just as a probing question for discussion - I'm not coming down on you - clearly her kids are her responsibility. And I'm sure it's not easy to think calmly about this, but I'm just wondering what your thinking is about your future with the girls...

[phrekmon]

Please don't think I dont want contact even visitation but the wife has made it pretty clear that I'm to get out of their lives (she told me to quit calling our stepdaughter, WE DONT NEED YOU !)

 

As of just two weeks ago I was the nuturing PARENT,helping with homework, dealing with her social events, teaching her to drive, dealing with school problems etc..watchng football together, surfing on the weekends ! I think I'm as close if not closer to her than my wife.

shoots I'm the one who does all the cooking and buys grocerys. BUT WHAT DO I DO ? It is her daughter and that is her mom ! I cant begin to think of the lies she's telling her about me, when it comes to her, she's teaching our daughter that it's O.K. to commit adultery, run away and jump to another man when things dont go right (this whole mess started the day after we put her on the plane to go to the Macy's T-day parade), and we did sit her down when she got back and explain that (we love her and each other that we just needed to be apart for awhile to work on our marriage) ANOTHER LIE !! So I'm afraid it will have to be NC with them as I cannot or would not screw her head up anymore that we have already, and if she calls me, I will be the parent and do what I can to help her with whatever it may be.

So the way I see it not only do I have to deal with my wife leaving, IT'S MY WHOLE FAMILY THATS SHE'S TAKEN AWAY FROM ME !!!!

Thanks for listening and replying, Dennis

[phrekmon]

Not alot of imput or am I just rambling now ??

 

Anyways this right now is what I do for an hour or so everyday is post to Loveshack, it has helped me to not loose my mind, do something stupid, and relate to others going through the same thing etc... I also am going to use it as a diary kind of thing, to look back and see how far I've come and maybe where I'm headed.

 

Well the wife found out that i cancelled her insurance today, she was not a happy camper ended up hanging up on me. I did call her back to find out if she was going to give me my mothers wedding ring (she has her own, just a ring she wore now and then) and a old ring of my sisters that was passed down a 3-4 generations and she said "I pawned them" I couldnt even ask how much to get them back, she then procede to tell me she wasnt paying her or my daughters cell phones and to do what I had to. (I shut them off) Like I said before the only stuff in her name is land line phone and the cable (I have roadrunner) so I am expecting them to be turned off soon,and if that happens I wont be posting till January some time.

 

I think I found an apartment so I'm trying to figure were all the bucks are going to come from and I still have to pay here till the end of the month to get this deposit back.

 

In the meantime I've got all kinds of people calling me about my car.That it wasnt me driving and whats up with that. I just tell the truth (she left me, lets see ,17 days ago ! and leave it at that)

I had thought of stealing it back BUT it is worth a good bit, I think my state is no fault divorce so shes gonna end up with half of everything anyways (including the bills) and I aint got squat left anyways, this is such a blessing in disguise, I ruined my life with her, filed bancrupcy 2 times in 12 years, got at least 30k in debt, owe taxes back to 2000. This just isnt ME !!!! I was going through our stuff (papers and what) and found bills,collection notices,extended credit unopened on stuff I didnt even know existed !!! I can straighten myself out !!

I must have had blinders on the last 5 years at least, I dont know ? I have no excuses I am really glad that its over (the marriage) I think she will try and make my life a living hell and alls I can say is give it your best shot. Oh ya I do still love her and care about her and my daughter but she was calling the shots. As always thanks for listening, Dennis

[Trimmer]

Boy, the whole car thing seems pretty classless on her part, doesn't it?

 

Guess you should have asked her for the rings before you turned off the insurance, huh? Although it doesn't sound like she's predisposed to being reasonable in any case, so maybe that wouldn't have mattered anyway.

 

And don't forget, just like assets (cars, etc...) the debts in a community property state are assumed to be shared between the parties, too, so don't let her get away with sticking you with an undue portion....

 

You might want to get a credit report - is it possible that she took on some debt that you didn't know about? If so, I wonder if it's possible to get that all on her in a settlement. You mentioned finding a lawyer - seems like it might be a good time for that...

[Mz. Pixie]

Basically Dennis, you cancelled her insurance to make her pay because she has hurt you. You thought, "What can I do to her to show her I'm tired of her crap?" I'm not saying that many people wouldn't have acted the same way, I'm just saying it wasn't the mature thing to do. So, she told you she pawned the ring to hurt you more.

 

Her cheating and letting OM drive your car?? It wasn't right. But neither was cancelling her health insurance until the divorce is final. I'm not thinking that will look well for you in court either.

 

It hurts the kids- in this case your stepdaughter. You cancelled HER health insurance too.

 

Don't try to one up her. She will get exactly what's coming to her. You may not see it, but trust me it will happen.