Need advice, feelings for a friend, already have a girlfriend

[gerrywarren]

This is my first post here...just wanted to get an opinion as I find this hard to talk about to my family and friends.

 

About 5 years I ago I was really close friends with a girl that used to live in the house next to me when we were younger (around 5 years old). She moved to another neighbourhood a few years later and we lost contact. We reconnected when we were both seniors in high school. We were both dating other people at the time and we talked on the phone a bit and on ICQ. Both of our relationships ended that summer and we began to hang out more and more. We both started university that fall and hung out there and went to movies and stuff. I didn't take long for me to develop really strong feelings for her. I wanted to tell her how I felt but I was always nervous about how she would react if she didn't feel the same way. I was stuck in the "friendzone" as someone else said. She even told me one night that I was like her brother. That really left me bummed. I still had the feelings for her though. We maintained a similar relationship for a long time. I almost told her how I felt one night though. We were talking on ICQ about who we liked. She was pressuring me to tell her and I had to words "It's you" written on the screen. I just couldn't press the button.

 

That was truly the closest I ever came. We continued hanging out after that, still going to movies and seeing each other at university and stuff. But another girl in my group of friends was interested me and since I wasn't making any progress with the other girl, I started dating her. We have been dating ever since then (almost 4 and a half years.)

 

I sort of fell out of contact with the girl I originally liked. I didn't hang out with her at all after I started dating my current girlfriend and she didn't like that I had stopped hanging out with her. She had started going out with someone not long after I started going out with my girlfriend too. I just told her that it was difficult to have a girlfriend and a really close friend that's a girl. I still didn't tell her how I had felt about her. We didn't have a real conversation for almost 2 years after that. She's since broken up with her boyfriend. When I found out about them breaking up, my first thought was "She's single again!" Even after all this time with my current girlfriend, I was excited that she was back on the market.

 

For all this time, I've still thought about her and about what could have been. It drives me crazy sometimes. We've hung out a few times and we talk on MSN a lot now, but I feel like I'm cheating on my girlfriend. If I tell my friend how I felt (and pretty much still feel) about her, a part of me knows I would probably break up with my girlfriend to try and be with her. I've grown pretty close to my girlfriend in these past 4 years and I honestly love her. But for some reason, I still have some feelings for my friend. I feel like I won't be complete until I am with her or I know if she ever felt the same way about me. It is such a dilemma for me. Does anyone out there have any advice? I am so confused with all of this. I just don't want anyone to get hurt from all of this. I know that is difficult. If anyone can suggest anything, I am more than willing to listen. Thanks.