Sailynn Posted November 22, 2005 Share Posted November 22, 2005 My ex-GF, (she ended 1.7 years ago and we've been talking and spending time together for the past four months, told me this week that she is "so very attracted to me physically and personally", is getting to be romantically involved. She states that she is looking that we become more than friends. The catch is for her, going real slow at this time. She is fine with everything we do, shopping, clubbing, cooking, dining, walking, jogging, watching movies, falling asleep in each others arms, hugging, kissing, yet no intimate relations. She says the physical attraction is there, big time, but wants to feel more emotionally bonded to me. The other night, we had a long intimate talk and she tells me that she knows she can be a bit witchy sometimes, but that I've shown I can handle her. That I am a strong man and that I don't take crap and that I let my status and my needs be known to her. She told me that her feelings for me was "REAL". and that she know we are now developing a "REAL" loving relationship. We've agreed to increase our activity together and make plans for the upcoming holidays. That includes weekend trips, going to church, cooking together, and other social and entertainment events. I am amazed and very pleased. I realize that I may be a bit ahead of her in the romance department. I have been holding in the reins on my feelings, for fear of scaring her at this juncture. I have practiced patience, yet, I have let her know that my intentions are serious. She seems to keep coming back for more. This may just work out... Link to post Share on other sites
Yamaha Posted November 22, 2005 Share Posted November 22, 2005 Why did she end it 1.7 years ago? Usually second chances don't work out because the reasons you broke up before come back again but maybe you two will be the exception. Good Luck Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted November 22, 2005 Share Posted November 22, 2005 We've agreed to increase our activity together and make plans for the upcoming holidays.... do those "plans" include any type of sexual activity SAILYNN?? If not then I would tell her to get lost until she decides to give up the nookie. Basically I would tell her: "look...we have a great time togeher but I need more, give me a call when you're ready for sex otherwise don't bother." And then you walk out the door. Link to post Share on other sites
kodiak Posted November 22, 2005 Share Posted November 22, 2005 Saillynn- Congrats on that second chance that you might be getting. I just went through what i thought was my second chance after a year and a half apart, but i was being fooled with. Read my post in second chances, under "not a second chance, just need some advice". I also posted on why did she do this in coping. I hope yours turns out better than mine did. Its a different situation because mine was a LDR and my ex still lives away from me. However my ex truly made me feel that she wanted me to be with her then she turned away from it all. We talked for two months straight, i went to see her as she wanted, now she left me high and dry. Not a wrod from her. Just take it slow my man, dont set your expectations too too high, although its hard. I dont wanna see anyone get burned like i did. "if its meant to be then it will happen" take care Link to post Share on other sites
chocolate_boy Posted November 22, 2005 Share Posted November 22, 2005 I would ignore the "kick her to the curb if she won't have sex" comments, relax, take your time, you're doing very well, don't rush anything at all or you'll blow it. Just go with it naturally, this can definitely work out, 1.7years is a LONG time to be apart and things can have changed a lot in that time. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
BrainRightHeartWrong Posted November 22, 2005 Share Posted November 22, 2005 i wouldn't go back near any of my exes except maybe the latest from a month ago but then again i might go "you caused me so much pain and dumped me, got back with me then did it again" that i might tell her where to go because she might do it again! her friends told her that after the first dump that if she wanted me back after a few weeks that if i loved her i'd take her back, she was worried i wouldn't and no sex... as alpha says kick her out, sounds like she is using you for emotional support! Link to post Share on other sites
mini696 Posted November 23, 2005 Share Posted November 23, 2005 I agree, 1.7 years is a long time for people to change, and sometime the reflection you do during that period can really make you see what went wrong in the relationship. Take things as slow as you need to and dont push anything. Talk and communicate your feelings, so that both of you know where the boundries are. Link to post Share on other sites
pippen_2k Posted November 23, 2005 Share Posted November 23, 2005 Screw taking things slow! Thats a terrible idea if you already have/had feelings for someone... Its ok for a NEW relationship but not a second chance. Taking things slow will leave you in LIMBO and cause you un-neccesary stress. Dont ignore Alpha's advice, at least you will know where you stand. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sailynn Posted November 23, 2005 Author Share Posted November 23, 2005 Is that I have treated her like she's a new person - that this is a new relationship. I treat her like I would any other girl. I do like this girl more than the others, but I have the attitude that I'm the buyer. If there are selling points of hers that I find lacking in some way, I let her know it. I've spent the last two years working on myself and I like my status, socially, mentally and physically. I've worked out and trimmed up, I've gotten out and met people and I've grown mentally and evolved. While I do love her, I know that I may have to walk away to other things. Keeping that in the back of my mind has allowed me to maintain my personal strength throughout all this. Whether she "gives it up" or not, doesn't matter to me because my life and my happiness doesn't depend upon what she does or doesn't do. Link to post Share on other sites
chocolate_boy Posted November 23, 2005 Share Posted November 23, 2005 Screw taking things slow! Thats a terrible idea if you already have/had feelings for someone... Its ok for a NEW relationship but not a second chance. Taking things slow will leave you in LIMBO and cause you un-neccesary stress. Dont ignore Alpha's advice, at least you will know where you stand. Have you used your own advice to sucessfully win someone back? Seriously I would STRONGLY advise against any huge push or ultimatums at this stage. Taking it slowly and getting to know each other again and letting it happen naturally will not only mean he regains his dignity, she will value him more if its a bit of effort on her part too... Relax and be cool... seriously if you come out now and say "right we either get back together and have sex tonight or go away" I seriously do not see it happening, you'll just look desperate and pushy, especially if SHE ended it. Getting someone back is not easy, and you will experience stress and hurt probably, but patience is SO IMPORTANT. Link to post Share on other sites
chocolate_boy Posted November 23, 2005 Share Posted November 23, 2005 Is that I have treated her like she's a new person - that this is a new relationship. I treat her like I would any other girl. I do like this girl more than the others, but I have the attitude that I'm the buyer. If there are selling points of hers that I find lacking in some way, I let her know it. Good way, use attraction and desire to lure her back, not pleading or ultimatums. The main reason people break up is cos the relationship goes stale or loses attraction... use what got her interested in the start. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted November 23, 2005 Share Posted November 23, 2005 Have you used your own advice to sucessfully win someone back? Seriously I would STRONGLY advise against any huge push or ultimatums at this stage. Good way, use attraction and desire to lure her back, not pleading or ultimatums C_B...you better check your nut-sack for a hole becuase you seem to have lost your testicles. Check under the bed or sofa. Link to post Share on other sites
chocolate_boy Posted November 23, 2005 Share Posted November 23, 2005 C_B...you better check your nut-sack for a hole becuase you seem to have lost your testicles. Check under the bed or sofa. Name me one instance where a girl dumps a guy and he comes in all guns blazing "LOOK YOU EITHER HAVE SEX WITH ME OR HIT THE CURB!" and she has... she'll more than likey reinforce her decision that he's an insensitive tool and she is better off without him. Is that how you pick up women, walking up to them demanding they sleep with you? No need for the pressure, just chill. Link to post Share on other sites
pippen_2k Posted November 24, 2005 Share Posted November 24, 2005 Choclate Boy - How often have you played it cool and got a women back? Im guessing either none or maybe once in your lifetime. Im not saying that putting the hard word on her will make her come back, it probably wont. All I know is that it aint worth the stress or mental torture he will put himself through for MONTHS trying to win her back. You cant start from scratch, impossible,( I dont care how much you say your a NEW person ) cause they both know each other and have had feelings for each other before. If he had absolutley no feelings for her and it was new, thats different. If your posting here your feelings are already a little twisted. I just say let her know your intentions so she knows where you stand, and then dissapear... and if she is good and ready to give you want you want, then she can contact you again. No more games. Link to post Share on other sites
mini696 Posted November 24, 2005 Share Posted November 24, 2005 Taking things slow avoids crouding the other person, and wearing them out by seeing you too much. Link to post Share on other sites
chocolate_boy Posted November 24, 2005 Share Posted November 24, 2005 Choclate Boy - How often have you played it cool and got a women back? Im guessing either none or maybe once in your lifetime. Im not saying that putting the hard word on her will make her come back, it probably wont. All I know is that it aint worth the stress or mental torture he will put himself through for MONTHS trying to win her back. You cant start from scratch, impossible,( I dont care how much you say your a NEW person ) cause they both know each other and have had feelings for each other before. If he had absolutley no feelings for her and it was new, thats different. If your posting here your feelings are already a little twisted. I just say let her know your intentions so she knows where you stand, and then dissapear... and if she is good and ready to give you want you want, then she can contact you again. No more games. Well yeah taking it slow did work once for me, it's not a matter of games it's more a fact of I told her how I felt, I went away for a month or two pretty much and then we slowly got into each other's company again... I could tell she still had feelings for me and regret but I didn't just make myself too available to her straight away, we met and had fun and that led to it relighting the flame. I'm also in the process of doing the same thing right now with my recent ex, I don't know if it's going to work, but it's going well. It's just about being a man and in control of your own life and not appearing like you need this girl to complete you... I have a great life, good career... I'm a good looking fella... I show this girl a good time a few times again, if she decides to come back then I'll be with her, if not then I'll get bored and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
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