BrainRightHeartWrong Posted November 23, 2005 Share Posted November 23, 2005 If a bf and gf broke up, she dumping him for whatever reason, maybe too serious too soon, needs space... she doesn't have a boyfriend after say a lot of months or maybe longer... she still wants her ex bf to still have a life and go to the same places as they mutually and singularly enjoyed, asked him this on breaking up to please still go 4 months or so later bf reckons why should i give up going where i want and knows his ex gf is going to be there and will see him bf suffers from being badly heartbroken but did NC and the ex gf didn't even know about this... ex bf acts cool , is good fun just like he used to be, has moved on with his life, talks to his ex in his ususual civil manner and enjoys his day out ( assuming his head is not remelted at seeing his ex ) , doesn't even mention their former relationship and is good fun and asks casually about her life ( not love life )... what would an ex gf think? oh he's moved on and i'm glad for him? or possibly more? would like to know what could happen! Link to post Share on other sites
Author BrainRightHeartWrong Posted November 23, 2005 Author Share Posted November 23, 2005 anyone have any ideas about this ? or should the bf just completely stay away even though he doesn't want to, especially the bar which is his local? Link to post Share on other sites
jhurtinct Posted November 23, 2005 Share Posted November 23, 2005 BRHW- If the bf feels he can handle the situation then I say go for it, if the bf may want 2nd chance starting of like that maybe a good thing one of 2 ways. She will either think he is over me oh no or he is over me maybe we can be friends. Either way as long as the bf can handle the out come without getting his hopes up (because there is the possibility it may backfire). As long as the bf can handle either way there is no reason not to go to a place he used to freqent before Link to post Share on other sites
malachai Posted November 23, 2005 Share Posted November 23, 2005 i tried to visualize myself in that situation with my ex, and personally, i wouldn't be able to go to said hangout, for three reasons: 1. as much as i think i am strong enough to handle it, emotions are sometimes stronger. all my feelings would probably flood back in 2. even if i was over her, i wouldn't be able to say that i wouldn't be able to resist any persusaion on her part to get back together 3. if i looked hard enough within myself, i might find that my motives were only to see her again, and to give off an impression that i don't care anymore about her, even though i really do, in the hope of getting back together Link to post Share on other sites
malachai Posted November 23, 2005 Share Posted November 23, 2005 based on the title of the post though, i would definitely have worries over my #3 reason Link to post Share on other sites
Author BrainRightHeartWrong Posted November 23, 2005 Author Share Posted November 23, 2005 yeah you two guys seem right i would say i would suffer from all three points there i would like to see her again, she didn't say i never want to see you again but said look still come down but i know you can't be my friend ( meaning i can with you ) i don't know what will happen in the future but the memories would come flooding back in i would say, i'd say the urge to see her and have good fun again won't die just as much i would probably be a bad idea if she has a bf sitting with her as then i couldn't even get speaking or sitting with them all been contemplating this for weeks, if it was a bar i didn't go to i wouldn't bother to go but it is Link to post Share on other sites
Author BrainRightHeartWrong Posted November 23, 2005 Author Share Posted November 23, 2005 in contrast there is an old ex of mine where i avoid like the plague so I don't ever see her... i avoided her haunts as soon as we broke up i remember an ex from 6 years ago and I was still afraid to meet her a few years ago in her town although i never did its not only my ex i miss, i miss the whole scenario of all other things which I did for many years and therefore I have it going around in circles in my head what is the best thing to do here! Link to post Share on other sites
jhurtinct Posted November 23, 2005 Share Posted November 23, 2005 If this is the case maybe you should stay away until you have moved on and can be sure of this. Maybe after time has past and you feel up to try going with a frien for one drink, promise yourself one drink and you are leaving, that way your easing into it and if your really not handling it well you will just be leaving for "other plans" anyhow. I would deffinetly wait until you have moved on though it will make it easier. Don't you have mutual friends maybe someone can call you first to verify she isn't with anyone that night just to be safe? I kind of got the impression from your 1st post that you were leaning more toward #3, and thats okay too if thats what you want, but there is always that chance it wouldn't pan out as you hoped and you would be back to square one again. keep your chin up:) Link to post Share on other sites
Author BrainRightHeartWrong Posted November 23, 2005 Author Share Posted November 23, 2005 If this is the case maybe you should stay away until you have moved on and can be sure of this. Maybe after time has past and you feel up to try going with a frien for one drink, promise yourself one drink and you are leaving, that way your easing into it and if your really not handling it well you will just be leaving for "other plans" anyhow. I would deffinetly wait until you have moved on though it will make it easier. Don't you have mutual friends maybe someone can call you first to verify she isn't with anyone that night just to be safe? I kind of got the impression from your 1st post that you were leaning more toward #3, and thats okay too if thats what you want, but there is always that chance it wouldn't pan out as you hoped and you would be back to square one again. keep your chin up:) i suggested to a friend about going for 1 drink 'sometime' there is a mutual friend who i asked to find out whether she is with anyone but not on a particular day i don't think it would pan out the way i would hope and thats a pain i really really can't afford to do, despite what she says i still don't understand me to come down to when she is there, she says 'look you know a,b,c so please keep coming down' surely she wouldn't be inviting me down to her and maybe a new bf sitting beside her... she would be uncomfortable and she knows I would be also the thought of it just at this time is uncomfortable with just her there time will tell whether I ever do this but its killing me, its not as if I am driving 60 miles to walk in! Link to post Share on other sites
jhurtinct Posted November 23, 2005 Share Posted November 23, 2005 your still going through a ton of emotions right now how long has it been since you've talk or seen each other? I broke up with my ex (my first love) going on 8 yrs ago, I have never seen him out anywhere except in passing in vehicles. Neither one of us has ever moved out of town or anything we just never ended up at the same places. Point being if I was to run face to face into him today I would probably still start shacking and panicing and feel all fluttery, I don't know if that feeling ever goes away. But I am more than over him so it wounld be hurt maybe just old memories being brought back to mind. you will handle it in time right now don't try and figure out why she said something, go for yourself if you want to be with your friends, if those will go elsewhere to hang out with you for right now that would probably be your best bet. \ Link to post Share on other sites
Author BrainRightHeartWrong Posted November 23, 2005 Author Share Posted November 23, 2005 3 weeks, i met her in town walking home from a night out and I was hardly going to ignore her I could speak to my ex of 6 years ago and she actually called me out of the blue in September, you'd probably just remember the good old memories no i'm going to have to try and stop obsessing and analysing what she meant... to be honest i haven't slept in 3 days, i would like to go f*** it and forget about the whole thing, i'm fed up with the whole thing i'll go to the bar when I know she won't be there and i'll try and conjure up a few friends to go elsewhere, see my nights out were all with her and musicians , thats all gone now and a lot of my personal friends have moved overseas as well as a lot of other things gonna log off and try and sleep , i'm aching with all this crap, so tense! Link to post Share on other sites
jhurtinct Posted November 23, 2005 Share Posted November 23, 2005 please try and sleep you need it so you don't get sick, I know it hurts, and I know everyone always says the same things, it will get easier I promise. I'll be on tomorrow, I'm going to try sleeping also. Goodnight Link to post Share on other sites
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