WHY DO I WANT TO KEEP LEAVING?

[burnt heart]

HELP! I'M SO STRESSED OUT THIS IS CAUSING ME LITERALLY PHYSICAL SYMPTOMS OF ILLNESS. i have been with this same man for a long time and i want to be with him for alot longer except i have a problem wanting to stay with him. if you think that is confusing try living it day in and day out and minute by minute planning your next move to leave him. mind you though, this is mainly when any little thing goes wrong, alot of it is exaggerated on my part, or my being to sensitive maybe, i just don't know.

 

all i know though is that every time some stupid little thing comes up i want to leave him. i literally have all my things packed just in case i actually do decide to go. this is tearing me apart mentally and physically. i think i should be able to allow the guy his freedom of speech, his right to his thoughts, yet, when he says something i may get offended thinking it is indirectly aimed at me, or some stupid thing.

 

why can't i for the life of me, just let things flow? i am so frustrated that i hit the door this morning cause i really thought today was going to be the day when i left him. but he was in such a good mood and nothing i did or said upset him, he was so sweet and so loving and even laughed at my corny joke about some guy i called him a pin head. he rarely laughs about things that i say, so that was odd but i liked it.

 

he just has so many good qualities and yet so many things about him that someone would just let roll off their back, instead i eat it and feed on it and take it so personally. then he goes and says something so sweet and or does something very nice or helps me with something and i didn't even ask his help for.

 

but he can be such a dick head too. i think that is what is confusing me. but is it normal to want to run away from someone you love so much at the drop of a hat? why can't i just settle down with him and tell him how i feel and to stop doing these things that bother me? i think because they are just part of his personality and it would not be fair to try to change him so much. it would be like him asking me not to eat any more sweets or something like that.

 

i'm just so torn up inside. it seems at times that i am actually wanting and waiting to go then when the opportunity comes along, i hear this voice in my head saying "do you really want to leave him"? of course i don't, then i do. see what i mean? i'm so mixed up in the head i don't even know which way is up anymore.

 

all i know is that if i don't make an honest decision, one that i can live with and REAL soon that my head is going to explode from all the pressure in it from going back and forth back and forth. then the next time he says something and i don't like it cause maybe it hurt my feelings orsomething then there i go again, planning my move just as soon as i get away from him. but he acts like nothing was even said. that is good and bad cause it puts an end to the fight and bad cause at times it leaves me feeling empty i guess. what can i do? i know i've been told to leave him, but i just can't seem to do that right now, yet i am constantly planning my move to move in my head and almost looking forward and anticipating the next fight, which arent very often luckily, but i'm just twisted in my thinking and i don't know how to straighten it out! ugh! help!

[sparkle]

If you're even thinking about this, then it's best to leave him, and move on.

 

When two people are perfectly happy with each other and with their relationship, these doubts don't cross their mind. So when they do, there are only two things left to do:

 

1. Fix it up.

 

2. If it's not something that's fixable, then get out of it.

 

Now.

[Miss Mojo]

most people out there have great qualities, which we appreciate, but a person's great qualities aren't always enough to stay with them. it is so obvious from your post that are you not in a content situation here. so why stay??

 

your post is screaming frustration and "i want out". towards the end of your post, i could sense your frustration more and more and i couldn't help thinking, "if she stays, it's going to get progressively WORSE".

 

it is PLAIN AS DAY that this guy is not the guy you should settle with. there's every chance that you are simply not ready for that yet, but for some reason, you feel you should be. maybe subconsciously you're looking for a reason to leave, maybe subconsciously you know he is not the right guy for you.

 

you asked: "is it normal to want to run away from someone you love so much...?"

 

sometimes it's normal to get frustrated and want time on your own e.g. "you're pissing me off right now, i'm going for a walk"....but your desire to leave has almost an extreme urgency about it and the frequency of this desire certainly isn't what you would class as "normal" in a relationship. i'd be well and truly in the nut house by now, and this is the kind of situation that somehow doesn't seem as though it will get any better. you obviously know him well, and from where i sit, it hardly sounds as these feelings you have will change in a hurry.

 

just because we get along really well with a person, doesn't always mean we can overlook certain aspects of their personality that really get under our skin. while this guy obviously has many good qualities, it seems as though the frustrating aspects (which you cannnot change) are simply not something you can put up with. personally, i couldn't handle being with someone who gets under my skin in so many little ways, no matter how much i loved them. it would be like an irritating sibling (and i have one of those!).

 

maybe you guys just don't gel as much as you thought you would. if you're having doubts so frequently about staying with him, then get out. a normal, healthy relationship doesn't feel like this one does, no matter how much you love the person.

 

best wishes

[Laurynn]

You're not living in reality. You want everything to be perfect every minute of the day. You want your b/f to do and say everything just as YOU want it done. It's sort of how spoiled little children are, they want their own way all the time and when that's not the case, they want to run away from home.

 

You obviously don't truly love your boyfriend, and I question whether you even know what real love is. When you really and truly love someone, you don't have your suitcases packed and waiting by the door in case things don't go your way. You're not in constant turmoil for a whole year, always vacillating between leaving and staying. You're not always posting on relationship forums, asking for the same advice over and over and over and over and over and over again.

 

It is so painfully obvious that you need professional, psychiatric help with this ongoing problem. I don't know how many times people have recommended this to you. I guess maybe we can hope that on your 1000th post here (about this situation), maybe something will 'click' and you'll get with the program. Please give my regards to your poor boyfriend. Frankly, I have no idea why he hasn't kicked your ass to the curb months ago. Good thing he doesn't read this forum.

 

L

[venus]

I would like to give you some things to think about that may be able to help you figure some things out. Maybe you need to think about what lies beneath all these confusing feelings you are having.

 

1. Did you have a happy and stable childhood?

 

When children are raise in dysfunctional families, they learn how to be dysfunctional themselves.

 

2. What kind of communication skills have you learned from your childhood?

 

When you learn dysfunctional communication skills, to be happy you ultimately need to learn healthy ones and leave everything else behind.

 

3. Are you able to sit down and talk about your feelings without raising your voice, or name calling?

 

Taking a "time out" when you are feeling angry gives you time to think about why you are really angry and if you are being reasonable. Name calling, yelling... only aggravates the situation.

 

4. Do you have a good relationship with your father?

 

Women often choose partners who are similar to their fathers because it is familiar to them.

 

5. Does your boyfriend have similar qualities to those of your father?

 

If you are being unreasonable with your boyfriend, you may be subliminally taking out your frustrations on him, instead of your father.

 

6. Are you happy more than you are not?

 

If you are always stressing about things and are more unhappy than anything, figure out and do what will make you happy!

 

7. What will make you happy in 5 years from now?

 

Do you see yourself HAPPILY married to this man in five years?

 

8. Do you honestly think that you can change someone?

 

It is completely impossible to think that you can ever change someone's behaviour. You can spend your life trying to control/help/change someone, but they will never ever ever change if they don't want to-and you can't make them want to!

 

9. What do you do to help releive stress in a positive way?

 

Go to the gym, do Yoga, go for ice cream. Distract yourself! Concentrate on things other than this relationship. There is more to life than a man. You may find a life of your own out there and be happier inside for it!

 

HELP! I'M SO STRESSED OUT THIS IS CAUSING ME LITERALLY PHYSICAL SYMPTOMS OF ILLNESS. i have been with this same man for a long time and i want to be with him for alot longer except i have a problem wanting to stay with him. if you think that is confusing try living it day in and day out and minute by minute planning your next move to leave him. mind you though, this is mainly when any little thing goes wrong, alot of it is exaggerated on my part, or my being to sensitive maybe, i just don't know. all i know though is that every time some stupid little thing comes up i want to leave him. i literally have all my things packed just in case i actually do decide to go. this is tearing me apart mentally and physically. i think i should be able to allow the guy his freedom of speech, his right to his thoughts, yet, when he says something i may get offended thinking it is indirectly aimed at me, or some stupid thing. why can't i for the life of me, just let things flow? i am so frustrated that i hit the door this morning cause i really thought today was going to be the day when i left him. but he was in such a good mood and nothing i did or said upset him, he was so sweet and so loving and even laughed at my corny joke about some guy i called him a pin head. he rarely laughs about things that i say, so that was odd but i liked it. he just has so many good qualities and yet so many things about him that someone would just let roll off their back, instead i eat it and feed on it and take it so personally. then he goes and says something so sweet and or does something very nice or helps me with something and i didn't even ask his help for. but he can be such a dick head too. i think that is what is confusing me. but is it normal to want to run away from someone you love so much at the drop of a hat? why can't i just settle down with him and tell him how i feel and to stop doing these things that bother me? i think because they are just part of his personality and it would not be fair to try to change him so much. it would be like him asking me not to eat any more sweets or something like that. i'm just so torn up inside. it seems at times that i am actually wanting and waiting to go then when the opportunity comes along, i hear this voice in my head saying "do you really want to leave him"? of course i don't, then i do. see what i mean? i'm so mixed up in the head i don't even know which way is up anymore. all i know is that if i don't make an honest decision, one that i can live with and REAL soon that my head is going to explode from all the pressure in it from going back and forth back and forth. then the next time he says something and i don't like it cause maybe it hurt my feelings orsomething then there i go again, planning my move just as soon as i get away from him. but he acts like nothing was even said. that is good and bad cause it puts an end to the fight and bad cause at times it leaves me feeling empty i guess. what can i do? i know i've been told to leave him, but i just can't seem to do that right now, yet i am constantly planning my move to move in my head and almost looking forward and anticipating the next fight, which arent very often luckily, but i'm just twisted in my thinking and i don't know how to straighten it out! ugh! help!