My husband left me yesterday

[Feelinghurt]

I don't know where to start but I do need help, lots of help. Here is the story:

 

Yesterday while I was at work, my husband called me and said, "honey I need to tell you something and I know it is going to hurt you. I've been thinking and I made up my mind. I'm not ready to settle down. Marriage isn't for me." I asked him why? what's wrong? he said, "You have verbally abused me, called me stupid all the time. At work people called me stupid and I don't want to hear it from you." I said calmly, "I'll stop if it botherS you that bad. I promise. If you don't like something please tell me and we can always work things out." He said, "No. You promised me before but still doing it. I am not happy with you anymore. When I came home seeing a dog and the house, it just not for me. I'm ready to settle down or a type of guy you want."

 

So, I said okay if that is what you want go ahead and he said ok. That time was at noon. I was suppose to get off at 4 and he got off at 1:30. He was suppose to pick me up after 4:00 but he said that well I am packing after work. I couldn't stand seeing him packing so I told him please pack and go before I get home and drop off the car at my work place because I dont want to see you pack, it too sad.

 

Around 3 I saw the car outside where I work but didn't see him. Then I called home he was there packing he had his friends to drop him off at the ship (he is in the navy and we have only one car so you can imagine how terrible it get when two people are working and sharing a car but that is all we could afford).

 

While he was packing I called home he picked up the phone. I asked him what do you want, he said a separation. I said I know you want your time and space and I do respect that how about this you pack only the things you need and whenever you ready to come back home just call me. He said, "Okay." So now most of his staff are at home, clothings, games, animes, computer, etc.

 

Since yesterday until now he hasn't contact me or reply an email I sent asking him what is wrong and if there is a another woman involve. What should I do. I'm just too hurt and too depress. We went to see counselor but it doens't help. In fact, we both were suppose to see counselor together this morning instead I went alone.

 

p.s I was trying to register but can't get the image opposite to work. I might too dumb. How does it work?

[debilou]

I'm very sorry for your pain. Counseling is the right path. So you're not married right? Even though, there's a web site called http://www.marriagebuilders.com.

 

It's full of information about relationships. How and why they go wrong.

 

Individual counseling is a great thing to do for yourself.

 

Sorry I don't have more ideas for you.

 

Try to have a happy holiday.

 

Debilou

[933KJL]

I am amazed that this dissolution of a marraige happened in a matter of hours. At noon he says you abuse him and he wants out. You say don't go and then within the same conversation on the phone you say well, ok, just pack your stuff, get out and make sure to leave me the car.??? WTF

 

Then you are mad that her did not answer an email and now wonder if there is another woman. Probably not if you are married and sharing a car, but that is just my opinion.

 

It seems to me that you probably ought to just let this dissolve. I don't think your heart is in it (maybe never in it) and his obviously is not either. You sound young and without kids so I say get it over with and move on with your separate lives.

 

And out of curiosity, why would a loving wife call her husband stupid?

[slubberdegullion]

And out of curiosity, why would a loving wife call her husband stupid?

That was exactly my question.

 

And why would she say, "I'll stop (calling you stupid) if it bothers you that bad"? WTF???

 

It sounds to me like the dude finally grew some stones and won't take the verbal abuse any more.

[Outcast]

You have no right to verbally abuse anyone. If you claim to love someone, you should be treating that person with respect. It sounds like you badly need to go to counseling to find out what causes you to mistreat people. Please get help.

[933KJL]

s***, did the three of us just actually agree????

[Tony]

Making repeated personal attacks towards your spouse can get you permanently banned from your marriage. Uh, it runs something like this website.

[feelinghurt]

I know that I am wrong and I do acknowlegde my mistake. I do apologize to him and hadn't said ever since he was home or away for a month. But that abused words he was just brought it up, he brought it up about other bad things happened between us in the past. He also not a loving, caring person either. I said things I didn't mean and I can't take that back I would if I could. He called me names, using bad words constantly, it wasn't like he is one of the guys who doesn't talk bad language. I actually learnt it from him, I never said this thing before but things at home really got to me that I have no place to go, I felt left out. I called him stupid because he didn't help anything, bank account gone negative, doesn't know how to handle money, spending and spending, doesn't know how to handle family affair or keep up the appointments, not to mention asked him fior opinion or tried to have some discussion with him. He just plain a dumb man even though I shouldn't said that. After we when to see counselor last month, I've never said a word like to him, except got upset about him chewing and left all this bottle of spittig in the house that I find it gross. I asked him not to do that he said okay here I was continuously found this so I said look I am ****ing tired of this **** because about your health and wellbeing but you seem don't so stay on the ship so that you can do whatever you, smoking and chewing all you want. He is a heavy drinker and smoker. Now I know that some part of it is my fault but I'm not the only one to blame. I told him I want this marriage and I want to work things out, if I done or do something wrong tell me, correct me, I will try everything in my power have to this marriage work. Then he said no, he doesn't know. He was home for Thanksgiving dinner yesterday. While he was there I begged him not leave me and please work things out between us, I told him I love him, he was kinda smile but afraid me seeing it, I don't know if he was making fun of me or laughing at me for begging him to stay and cried like a little girl. During dinner I had little too much to drink so we had sex twice, so still after that about 8 hours letter I had to dropped him off, not staying, not sure. I feel like I did try everything I could but it seem things never come back the same way it was, he isn't willing to do anything.

[feelinghurt]

I am amazed that this dissolution of a marraige happened in a matter of hours. At noon he says you abuse him and he wants out. You say don't go and then within the same conversation on the phone you say well, ok, just pack your stuff, get out and make sure to leave me the car.??? WTF

 

No, you got it all wrong. He wanted to go and will leave me a car at the time I didn't have a chance to even sit down talking to him, everything was a suddent. He said he has a friend drop him off so I said okay, please drop off the car at my work then. He said, "Okay" and then I didn't hear from him a day until two days letter that he didn't want me to spend holiday alone so he wanted to come home have a dinner together but will get back to his ship. I said okay, sure. So we had dinner, I cooked turkey and staff, everything gone great, we ended had sex twice that day because he gave me wine, he knows that I am alight drinker and when I'm drunk I'm wild he likes that that is why he usually get me drunk. Look you might not knowing me, but I am a serious person, take thing seriously, he isn't. That is the biggest complex between us. We're too different. I remember once I told him we're too different, he said, opposite attracts and now he is himself saying we're too different. He cant make up his mind of the time.

[Leid]

I'm sorry to read about your breakup. so, has he contacted you yet?

[Feelinghurt]

The next after he left he called me so that he could come for Thanksgiving dinner because he didn't want me to be alone during holiday plus he needed to use the computer to finish up some of work. I said okay I will pick you and so he was home, everything was fine but we were fine, he called me honest where my stuff at or honey this and honey that. Before dinner started I tried to talk to him and begging him to stay, not to leave me that I want this marriage and I want to work things out. I'm sorry what I said but I've never meant it. I know I shouldn't said that but he had neglected me, cheated on me not physical though but through email and phone call to his female friends. I forgive him after I found the letter he sent to this female of his that was last year during his 6 months deployment because I thought walking away from the problem wasn't the best that I could do. Now he hold the grudge against me even I acknowlege them. I do acknowledge my mistakes and willing to come and clean it but he refuses he still stand still. I feel like I'm the dirt that stuck on his shoes that he tries to get it out. As right now I have no place to turn to. Oh yeah I forgot to mentioned that when he was home for Thanksgiving he got me drunk and we had sex twice that day and then when I was sober I had to drop him off because he didn't want to stay. Today I sent him two emails this morning. First email was a short message, I told him that I miss him and wish he was home with and my dog right now and hope that he takes a good care of himself. Second email I asked for the clarifications. I asked him straight out what does he truely want, I want him to put them on the plate, don't play no more like, "I don't know I am not sure" games with me anymore. When we had the conversation while he was home I asked him how long do I need to wait? He replied I don't know. So I told him please don't tell me I don't know or not sure. Just pour it. I rather know where I am standing instead of hanging me dry and not knowing where my life heading to. I know it is going to be hurt like hell but I don't want to wait weeks or even months and then here you is telling me yeah we should divorce. He did reply the first one but not the second one which was more important.

[Feelinghurt]

I'm sorry to read about your breakup. so, has he contacted you yet?

 

He came back home last night. But I don't it feel the same anymore, I don't know if I am truthly want him back. Instead of him not happy, now it is my turn. Not to mention sex or seeing him. I'm just not happy. What is wrong now? I know deep down I want him back and want to work things out but why am I not happy?