Confused feelings

[Me]

This is pretty long, I'm sorry. OK my B/F & I have been together 6 months and have known eachother for almost 3 years. I care for him dearly and our relationship is wonderful. We are both graduating from college after next year. However he plans to go to graduate school and I do not. A few months ago he brought up the idea that he would like to attend graduate school in Texas. (we now live in IL) He said that he would like me to go there with him. We talked about it a little but decided there was no sense making a big deal about it now because we have quite awhile so we dont need to make a decision yet. Then, recently, he told me that he was considering going to Spain for 6 months after graduation and before graduate school to take sort of a 'crash course' in spanish because knowing spanish will help him a lot along with his business degree. I was quite upset about it, and when he asked me what I thought, I told him that I would not be happy if he went, but I would never hold him back from going if that is what he wanted, because I would not want him to resent me later on if he chose not to go because of me. I also told him that I could not make any garuntees about us if he did go, because there is no way to tell if we could deal with that or not. He never asked me to go to Spain with him, but I couldn't go anyway because there is no was I could afford it and he knows that. He told me that if our relationship couldnt last 6 months being apart then it probably wouldnt have worked out anyway. I agreed to some extent, but 6 months in a different country and then 2 years across the country (if I dont go to texas) seems like a terribly long time to me. This all scares me so much because I am very fragile when it comes to relationships out of fear of being hurt. Sometimes I think to myself that I we should just break up now to save me the pain later if he goes, but I know that is selfish. I feel like he is being selfish too though in a way. He says now that he probably wont go & that it was just a thought, but still. He always has ideas like this, and already went to australia for 6 months (before we were together) so I know he would go if it weren't for me. Well I guess I dont really have a question but if anyone has any thoughts they'd like to share, please do. Thanks for reading all this!

[jordana]

this answer is gonna suck for ya but if you're still in college you are probably still pretty young. soooo....girl, go off on your own and LIVEEEEEE your life!!!!! don't even THINK about settling down with dudes until your 30 years old and stable and successful in your career! serious! go have FUN! Travel! Meet as many people as you can and have fun with your life while you are still young and single (as in not married). or else you might end up like me, 32 years old, tied down with three kids, and no husband.

 

i'm just sayin, if i had it to do over, and now that i am older and way more wise, i would just have a blast with my life, my career, my friends, date guys and experience LIFE.

This is pretty long, I'm sorry. OK my B/F & I have been together 6 months and have known eachother for almost 3 years. I care for him dearly and our relationship is wonderful. We are both graduating from college after next year. However he plans to go to graduate school and I do not. A few months ago he brought up the idea that he would like to attend graduate school in Texas. (we now live in IL) He said that he would like me to go there with him. We talked about it a little but decided there was no sense making a big deal about it now because we have quite awhile so we dont need to make a decision yet. Then, recently, he told me that he was considering going to Spain for 6 months after graduation and before graduate school to take sort of a 'crash course' in spanish because knowing spanish will help him a lot along with his business degree. I was quite upset about it, and when he asked me what I thought, I told him that I would not be happy if he went, but I would never hold him back from going if that is what he wanted, because I would not want him to resent me later on if he chose not to go because of me. I also told him that I could not make any garuntees about us if he did go, because there is no way to tell if we could deal with that or not. He never asked me to go to Spain with him, but I couldn't go anyway because there is no was I could afford it and he knows that. He told me that if our relationship couldnt last 6 months being apart then it probably wouldnt have worked out anyway. I agreed to some extent, but 6 months in a different country and then 2 years across the country (if I dont go to texas) seems like a terribly long time to me. This all scares me so much because I am very fragile when it comes to relationships out of fear of being hurt. Sometimes I think to myself that I we should just break up now to save me the pain later if he goes, but I know that is selfish. I feel like he is being selfish too though in a way. He says now that he probably wont go & that it was just a thought, but still. He always has ideas like this, and already went to australia for 6 months (before we were together) so I know he would go if it weren't for me. Well I guess I dont really have a question but if anyone has any thoughts they'd like to share, please do. Thanks for reading all this!

[chick]

i agree with jordana to some extent, but her advice is so much easier said than done!!

 

i think if you really care for this guy and you can see a future for you both, then send him on his merry way and just see what happens. you don't want to hold him back from doing something that makes him happy, although i can see exactly why your heart is breaking!! see this as a great opportunity for him...you never know, you may be needing his support one day if you have a great opportunity arise. you don't know what can happen until you've tried it, so if you are both willing to give this a go, then go ahead and give it a try. if it doesn't work out, you can deal with it then. but i see no point in breaking it all off now, when things may work out for you in a long distance relationship. and if he does end up going, see it as an opportunity to gain some independence and do what YOU want to do. don't sit around and pine for him, make the most of the time you have for yourself.

 

and remember.....if you love something, set it free....if it comes back it is yours, if it doesn't, it never was!!!!

[sparkle]

This guy likes to travel a lot. Let him goto Spain and keep your mouth shut. Why did you even become angry with him in the first place? A trip is a trip. Let him have fun. He's young. He's in college. This may be the only time he'll be able to leave for 6 months to different countries. By the time he gets to grad school and starts working full-time, he may only have a week or two of vacation time...for the rest of his life.

 

Besides, he hasn't even gone yet. When that time comes, look at your relationship and figure out what to do from there. You are still young also. Don't tell him you don't want him to go. It will only make things worse. And in the meantime, if you start getting lonely, you are free to break this relationship off and meet someone new that will fit your ideals.

[me]

Thank you guys for your responses. I told him that I would never try to hold him back and that if it is something he thinks he needs to do, then he should, because I really do care for him & I want to see him happy. I realize that we are both still very young, and that he will not have the opportunity for things like this for very long. I didn't become angry with him at all when he told me that was what he wanted to do, just kind of sad, because it would be a difficult adjustment. It is just hard because I have never had someone I cared so deeply for, and being away from him for so long pretty much scares me. But I know that you are all right, and I will try to take your advice and just let things flow. If it is meant to be then we can outlast this. Thanks again!