Age Difference

[Questionableman20000]

My cousin, who is 20, says he likes this girl who he knows. Fine and all, but this girl is 14, almost 15. I told him that in some aspects I don't feel that a 20 year old should have any feelings what-so-ever for a 14 year old.

 

He says he talks to her all the time over the internet, but they both live in the same town and knows each other personally.

 

His defense was that he's known people with bigger age differences then that, why would it be any different than a 26 year old and a 22 year old.

 

He says that if he and this girl ever ended up dating, he A). Doesn't believe in sex until married and B). Says he wouldn't engage in sex with anyone under the age of 18. Period. Sex before marriage is against his beliefs so I don't feel there would be a problem with that.

 

Love is a touchy subject, some would say if love exist your heart only knows that it cares for someone. The heart doesn't know or understand age, race, but just how it feels.

 

Is an age difference like this ridiculous?

[jordana]

an age difference AT THAT AGE is rediculous. i was 25 and married my ex-husband who was 18 and THAT was EXTREMELY rediculous. but i was 25 and stupid. i'm 33 now and know better. age differences ARE different at different ages because with each year comes more life experience, maturity, knowledge, and wisdom, make sense?

My cousin, who is 20, says he likes this girl who he knows. Fine and all, but this girl is 14, almost 15. I told him that in some aspects I don't feel that a 20 year old should have any feelings what-so-ever for a 14 year old. He says he talks to her all the time over the internet, but they both live in the same town and knows each other personally. His defense was that he's known people with bigger age differences then that, why would it be any different than a 26 year old and a 22 year old. He says that if he and this girl ever ended up dating, he A). Doesn't believe in sex until married and B). Says he wouldn't engage in sex with anyone under the age of 18. Period. Sex before marriage is against his beliefs so I don't feel there would be a problem with that. Love is a touchy subject, some would say if love exist your heart only knows that it cares for someone. The heart doesn't know or understand age, race, but just how it feels. Is an age difference like this ridiculous?

[chick]

i think that it may well be possible for your cousin to have feelings for this girl, and you shouldn't try to tell him otherwise, but for a relationship to be successful between the two of them may be a little difficult. doesn't sound like his is thinking very straight at all! regardless of the issue of sex, a 14 year old has such a different maturity level than that of a 20 year old. sure, people with bigger age differences than that have successful relationships, but that is probably because they are much older and more mature and have had an opportunity to experience life and other relationships. 14 is just so young.

 

when i was in high school, a friend of mine used to see a guy who was 22, when we were only 15, and putting aside the issue of sex, they didn't have an awful lot in common. sure, they got along just fine and always had things to talk about, but the maturity level was just soooo different. here we were, 15 years old, still at the giggling stage, and my friend's boyfriend used to see us as immature school girls. needless to say, that relationship didn't last long.

 

so i think your cousin needs to be realistic here. this girl is probably over the moon that such an older and more mature guy is interested in her, but the excitement will probably fizzle out once reality sets in. but then again, love is blind, and maybe you just need to let your cousin make his own mistakes. i may be completely wrong about the outcome of this situation and if so, good luck to them! but i could definitely see problems arising out of a relationship like this.

[Questionableman20000]

Oh I totally agree with you. I find it to be the utmost ridiculous thing ever, however my cousin feels love should work it's own course. I personally do not see how anyone at the age of 14 could know what love is, especially love for a 20 year old.

 

Now maybe if it were years down the road, like if she was 20 and he was 25 then I wouldn't protest as much, like you said the older you are the more expierence in life you have and the more mature you are. And if she was 20 and he was 25, then I'd say she is a big girl now and could decide on what she wants and needs.

 

But at the age 14, come on what exactly is it you could possibly know about love at the age of 14. Besides, I told him why a 14 year old when there are plenty of nice girls his age that can DRIVE, GO OUT, and PARTY with rather than a 14 year old that can't even drive, little less do anything else.

 

I hope this "attraction" he feels will wear off, if not I may have to slap him As for being friends with her, I tell him go for it. First of all, you can never have too many friends and with friendship age doesnt' always matter. But just not let it go any further than that.

an age difference AT THAT AGE is rediculous. i was 25 and married my ex-husband who was 18 and THAT was EXTREMELY rediculous. but i was 25 and stupid. i'm 33 now and know better. age differences ARE different at different ages because with each year comes more life experience, maturity, knowledge, and wisdom, make sense?

[Buckeyegal]

There is a huge difference between a 20 yr old and a 14 yr old having a relationship as opposed to a 26 yr old and a 22 yr old having one. For one, if anything were to happen sexually, he'd be facing statutory rape charges. Yes, I know you said that he plans on waiting till marriage, but that could change. As they say, the road to Hell is paved with good intentions.

 

Second, I'm sure her parents wouldn't approve of their young teenage daughter dating a much older guy. How's he going to deal with that? Even if he hadn't touched her, if they were upset enough, they could certainly cast some accusations that he'd have to answer to.

 

I know that there are many 14 year olds who look much older, and think they're very worldly and know it all. But despite those appearances, a 14 yr old is still little more than a child. If he had any sense at all, he'd wait till she's at least 18 before even thinking about dating her.

My cousin, who is 20, says he likes this girl who he knows. Fine and all, but this girl is 14, almost 15. I told him that in some aspects I don't feel that a 20 year old should have any feelings what-so-ever for a 14 year old. He says he talks to her all the time over the internet, but they both live in the same town and knows each other personally. His defense was that he's known people with bigger age differences then that, why would it be any different than a 26 year old and a 22 year old. He says that if he and this girl ever ended up dating, he A). Doesn't believe in sex until married and B). Says he wouldn't engage in sex with anyone under the age of 18. Period. Sex before marriage is against his beliefs so I don't feel there would be a problem with that. Love is a touchy subject, some would say if love exist your heart only knows that it cares for someone. The heart doesn't know or understand age, race, but just how it feels. Is an age difference like this ridiculous?

[sparkle]

A 20 year old dating a 14 year old is not a good idea at all. She is TOO YOUNG. What exactly does he have in common with this girl? What does he like about her? I wonder about him and his state of mind. What's wrong with him? Why isn't he dating people in his own age group?

 

And what is wrong with this girl? Why is she talking to a 20 year old? She is a minor. What do her parents have to say about the situation? Is this guy open with her parents about their relationship? I really doubt that this girl's father would ever approve of this.

 

Tell him if he really loves this girl, he will be willing to wait until she's 18. By then, I'm sure he'll find someone else that he'll fall in love with.

[Eric]

Your cousin needs to seek help. If your older than 20, go hang out at a middle school and I'm sure you'll agree. A fourteen year old is a child. Age differences are fine if both people have entered an age of maturity, which 14 is not. Your cousin is taking advantage of her emotional naivity(sp?).

My cousin, who is 20, says he likes this girl who he knows. Fine and all, but this girl is 14, almost 15. I told him that in some aspects I don't feel that a 20 year old should have any feelings what-so-ever for a 14 year old. He says he talks to her all the time over the internet, but they both live in the same town and knows each other personally. His defense was that he's known people with bigger age differences then that, why would it be any different than a 26 year old and a 22 year old. He says that if he and this girl ever ended up dating, he A). Doesn't believe in sex until married and B). Says he wouldn't engage in sex with anyone under the age of 18. Period. Sex before marriage is against his beliefs so I don't feel there would be a problem with that. Love is a touchy subject, some would say if love exist your heart only knows that it cares for someone. The heart doesn't know or understand age, race, but just how it feels. Is an age difference like this ridiculous?

[J.T.]

Not only is it ridiculous, isn't it illegal? Oh that's right, no sex involved (until marriage). Well, as long as he's willing to wait until she's of age -- yeah, right! I don't think so...He's a young man, she's a little girl.