Controlled

[Syzygy]

I need a little help here guys.

 

I ve been going out with my g/f for about 9 monthes and im at the point where I dont know if im in the right or wrong.

 

When we first started going out it was a good relationship and my first serius one. We had a lot in common and did a lot of things together. Once in a while though something would turn up that would give me a lot of trouble. Bear in mind that i have been single pretty much my whole life , so when i check my e mail and my partner sees a letter (not the content , just a hello on the header froma friend) she got really upset and it took me 4 hours to cheer her up and reasure her that it was just a friend which it was.

 

In the next 6 monthes or so things went really down hill. She got into a car accident, fought with the insurance company, got a big settlement, that sort of thing. I dont know if she was phisically hurt because she was capable of doing all sorts of physical things but she complained about her problems every day. She was a really miserable person to be around but i stuck with her even when her parents basicly wrote her off.

 

Shes all right now shes got a new truck and a few other things and she can do pretty much anything she wants from my point of view, but she still complains about her pain and has become quite paranoid. I would be fine if she was just selling it to get insurance money but i wish she would be truthful with me and when I bring it up its like im a jerk for ever doubting her and that i'm judgemental. When I woke up the other day she saw a bruize on my shoulder and i swear she thought it was a hickey. She asked me when she called me if i had been out with another woman when all i was doing was shopping for grocerys. I feel like im being controlled and i hate it. Now she asks me pretty much every day if I love her or not and i can't answer. Its hard for me to be myself when shes around.

 

Its too bad because it was fun at the beginning and I dont have any problems with her physically (shes in nice shape with pretty eyes) Its just that whenever we hang out now theres a really tense atmospere and I'm pretty much ready to call it quits. I ve never dumped anyone before and I know she wont take it well at all but I cant see us getting along And I sure dont feel like marrying her.

 

I hope you guys can help me with this I ve even taken a little laser therapy to help my self relax but I think about this everyday.

[Miss Mojo]

hi syzygy,

 

when we first meet a person, things are always great. we're always out to impress and this new person appears basically flawless. things are always great in the beginning. then we get to know them a bit better...but do we like everything we find out about this person? a lot of things that we don't particularly find appealing in a person, we can put up with. but on the other hand, there are certain things like insecurity, jealousy, the need to control etc that can be a major turn-off.

 

i don't believe that the way this girl feels is strictly a result of her car accident. as you pointed out, the little jealousies (over e-mails) were starting to show before the accident. sure, she might have felt somewhat crappy within herself after the accident, but that is not your problem. any insecurities she had were probably there in the first place.

 

is this her first relationship? i know in my first relationship, i was a bit of a pain the arse. i'd never felt jealous before then all of a sudden i was. of course, i had a boyfriend who thrived on trying to stir jealousy, but that's another story.

 

come to think of it, this story sounds vaguely familiar. did you post on here a couple of months back? if this is the same one, i recall at the time she certainly did sound like a miserable person to be around, and the impression some of us received was that she was milking the accident for all that it was worth to get insurance. hmmmm....not the kind of qualities the average joe blo wants in a partner if this is the case.

 

i could be wrong, but i don't feel this girls behaviour will change in a hurry. she is bringing you down with her insecurities. they should be strictly her problems and not imposed on you. as you no doubt already notice, this kind of behaviour is off-putting and drives you away.

 

and hey....many of us have had to be the dumper at one stage. while i think it's really nice that you are also thinking of her feelings, don't let her accident etc cloud your judgment. what it boils down to is that you don't seem very happy with her as a whole, and there's no reason why you should have to stay in this situation, just because you're afraid of her getting upset. this will upset the both of you even more in the long run and become very emotionally draining.

 

good luck to you