Please help me

[Nobel]

This is my first girlfriend, we have been in a relationship for 4 months, we enjoy each others company, she makes me feel good and vice versa. On Monday my mood suddenly changed and became really depressed for no reason, and later on that night we had a very small arguement, and the word "break up" was said(neither of us want to break up, but it was mentioned in a sentence). Later on that night I started to worry myself sick about it. So bad that my thoughts are fighting with my feelings. I really need some advice, I don't want to break up, in my heart I want to be with her, but my mind is paying games with me.

[Tony T]

You have indicated that at this time there is no danger of a break up, since this was a "very small argument." Your problem is with the mere mention of this.

 

A lot of times, in the heat of an argument, which most of the time are extremely irrational, people will say things like break up, divorce, kiss my butt, murder, etc. That's just the way it goes.

 

If you have a problem with this, don't argue. Learn good, healthy conflict resolution techniques used by better, more classy human beings. These don't involve irrational arguments but rather excellent communication techniques that allow two people to come together in compromise or resolution in a sane, adult way.

 

Meanwhile, if you can't resolve in your mind that these words were said in passing and had no real meaning in the context of your convesation, you may need counselling. You are obviously very insecure and frightened at the prospect of breaking up with your lady.

 

I will also tell you that since this is your first girlfriend, odds are that one day the two of you will part...but, if you follow my directions...this will be done with love and be done painlessly. Most people date a number of persons before they committ to a forever relationship with one person.

 

You definitely have some serious abandonment issues if hearing these words can put you in a panic. If things don't get better for you in a week or two, see a competent counsellor to help you get at your core fears of abandonment and work them out.

 

Your girlfriend will not like the idea that you will keep her around at any cost just to avoid your panic attacks. Please don't make her feel trapped by guilt which you may induce on her. You'll pay a lot of consequences for that.

 

My guess, without talking to you, is that one of your parents or some other significant person in your younger days left your family circle following a string of arguments and that had a great effect on you. Perhaps your parents divorced. If that's what happened I'm really sorry but there's lots of things you can do about the effects events in your youth may have on you now.

 

On another issue, when your mood changes suddenly for no reason as you said it did in your second sentence, that's not good. Get a complete physical from a medical doctor to see if you have diabetes, low blood sugar, thyroid problems or some other physical problem that could cause this. If you get a clean bill of health, you may need to see a psychiatrist to get evaluated for depression or some other mood disorder. You may have a hereditary trait where neurotransmitters go into rapid cycling suddenly. Not to worry...this can be helped.

 

There are some excellent drugs that can help you with this, especially if you catch it in its early stages. Be sure to see a psychiatrist or other doctor if you this happens often or you feel you may have a problem. Act EARLY!!!