He got cold feet again!

[RecordProducer]

Beth, thank you so much for your encouraging words. I also hope that someone better will replace him. I have no regrets as we had a wonderful relationship, but now I realize it was all a big, fat lie so I have no reason to cry over a fantasy that was filling my head for a year.

 

Sylvia, thanks for your words. I am sure you're stuill attractive and as to being young... as you know, young = stupid.

 

He didn't deserve you. Be warned though - he will be back! I would guess he will have an amazing story for why he couldn't go through with it. Keep strong!

 

No story can be amazing to me, I simply don't trust him anymore. Once my trust is lost - it's lost forever. He did this twice, he would do it 22 more times if I give him a chance. That smart I am!

His statements of true love mean nothing to me anymore.

 

Last night he called to say he was leaving earlier, he said he didn't want to say 'goodbye' and a few seconds later he said "I gotta go". That's how much his words mean: he doesn't want to say 'goodbye' but he has to go. He loves me, but doesn't want to be with me. He wants to spend the rest of his life with me, but doesn't want to marry me.

 

The worst kind of people is the one that says one thing, thinks another, and does something third. You can never rely on them, never feel safe with them, and can expect anything from them at any moment. My ex-husband was like that, I never knew when he would pack his bags and leave again. That's not love.

[westernxer]

It's only bad if you put up with it, and it sounds like you aren't.

 

Ain't love bland? Or is it grand? Sometimes I get confused.

[lindya]

The worst kind of people is the one that says one thing, thinks another, and does something third. You can never rely on them, never feel safe with them, and can expect anything from them at any moment. My ex-husband was like that, I never knew when he would pack his bags and leave again. That's not love.

 

I think it's probably the only kind of love people like that are capable of...but it's not a love that's of much use or comfort to anyone.

 

You're evidently a strong character, RP - and you need a man who's equally strong so that you can respect him. I think our instincts tell us when we're with someone who's too weak for us. Someone we can't really count on, feel safe with and respect - but unfortunately sometimes we mistake that feeling of insecurity for excitement .

 

I'm so glad that you're determined to put this whole situation behind you as quickly as you can. That way you can focus all your energy on your boys, your music and the other things that matter 100 times more than he does.

[whichwayisup]

I'm sorry to hear that news RP. Listen to your gut now and take care of YOU. Do what you can do get him out of your head, grieve and post away... But don't let this man get you down. HE's not worth it and if he was he would have followed through with the wedding.

 

Lots of hugs!!!!

[RecordProducer]

Kengne, RR, Western, Lyndi, WWIU, and everyone, thanks a lot for your support! I love you all, guys.

 

You can't even imagine how much your posts mean to me. I've read everyone of them a few times. They fill my soul with warmth and consolation. This page is my refuge from the cruel world right now. If I didn't have you, guys, I would've felt totally down.

 

My mother is not much of a support to me; she even refused to hug me when I asked for a hug. So in front of her I have to pretend that everything is alright and I am strong. It's very hard to pretend that you're walking gracefully when your legs are broken.

 

You who pass by my thread, feel free to drop a line. It will mean so much to me. Thank you.

[whichwayisup]

I'm glad to help and ofcourse to make you feel better.

 

Life does really SUCK THE BIG ONE sometimes and reaching out helps. That is really s***ty of your mother to not hug you! Remember - Those are HER issues, not yours...Don't let that get to you.

 

You are strong RP, I have faith that you'll work through this rough time and once all settles down you will be even stronger.

[933KJL]

Life does really SUCK THE BIG ONE sometimes

 

Hey...leave Nur's post out of this!

 

(Sorry, just thought I would toss some levity into this)

[whichwayisup]

Well, I kinda left myself open for a comment, didn't I? hehe...

[NatoPMT]

RP - this idiot is a fool. he knows it, you know it, your children know it and we know it.

 

If his love for you was never in doubt, his indecision is even more pathetic. I agree that he shouldnt go ahead with the wedding if he wasnt sure, but he WAS sure. What he wasnt sure about in that case had to be concerns that were within his control, and the fact he didnt take control of them expose him as a weak minded _____ (insert word of choice). The fact that he then refused the opportunity to stay as you were and work those concerns through with your help show without question that his centre stopped nowhere short of himself.

 

You are strong enough to realise that after his manipulation there is no going back, sometimes the camels back breaks and the only way forward..... is forward.

 

you will be alright girl!

 

BB

[RecordProducer]

Thanks, BB. Gosh, you guys spend your time reading my post and consoling me. Isn't life just wonderful with all these wonderful people in it? (you all, that is) I am drowning, but you're holding me so I breathe and can't really drown. :love:

 

The best part is to hear that I am the good guy and he is the bad guy and he doesn't deserve me. LS is my world where things are ideal, where he is the jerk and I am the great girl.

 

I went to the store and didn't think of him for 15 minutes and it felt so good to not think of him for a while!

 

I can't believe I used him as an example for a great guy in most of my posts. I wish I could delete all those posts, but LS moderators won't let me do it. It was just all fake and I don't want other people to read lies.

 

He - the great guy!

 

How sad...

[Kengne]

Thanks, BB. Gosh, you guys spend your time reading my post and consoling me. Isn't life just wonderful with all these wonderful people in it? (you all, that is) I am drowning, but you're holding me so I breathe and can't really drown. :love:

 

The best part is to hear that I am the good guy and he is the bad guy and he doesn't deserve me. LS is my world where things are ideal, where he is the jerk and I am the great girl.

 

I went to the store and didn't think of him for 15 minutes and it felt so good to not think of him for a while!

 

I can't believe I used him as an example for a great guy in most of my posts. I wish I could delete all those posts, but LS moderators won't let me do it. It was just all fake and I don't want other people to read lies.

 

He - the great guy!

 

How sad...

 

Hey RP!

 

What really killed me about your post was exactly that. I remember seeing some of your posts where you talked abt him and tht "Wow - lucky her. She has a great guy. When will that be me?"

 

It gave me hope that GOOD GUYS DO EXIST.

 

So when I saw you two broke up - my heart just DROPPED. It just really goes to show that 1) you can NEVER really know someone - EVER and 2) those closest and dearest to our hearts can hurt us the MOST. It's a little depressing actually and now I fee a little more disheartened about 'relationships'.

 

It's scary.

 

But I understand that EVERYTHING happens for a reason. I found this out after my break-up -> and so shall you too hun. Bigger & better things are in store for you - I can feel it!

 

(((HUGG))))

 

We're here if you need to rant, rave, whatever!

 

K.

[johan]

I can't believe I used him as an example for a great guy in most of my posts. I wish I could delete all those posts, but LS moderators won't let me do it. It was just all fake and I don't want other people to read lies.

 

You weren't being truthful when you said those things?

[Outcast]

So when I saw you two broke up - my heart just DROPPED. It just really goes to show that 1) you can NEVER really know someone - EVER

 

I suppose strictly speaking that's true, but don't forget this was a bi-continental LDR where they hadn't really spent a lot of time together so the lesson, I think, is still that whether LDR or right in your town, you need to spend a lot of time with each other in 3D to get to know each other.

 

We too easily attribute good qualities to others which is what gets us into trouble usually and it's even easier to do when you don't see the other person a lot.

 

So, yes, this is a cautionary tale but not that you have to fear all relationships, just that you *must* spend a lot of time together in physical proximity before making life-changing decisions.

[RecordProducer]

You weren't being truthful when you said those things?

In case this was not a retorical question, he fooled me and I automatically fooled people on LS by giving my "great" relationship as an example. And it was all based on lies on his side. he was telling me the things I wanted to hear to make me fall in love with him. That low he is.

[RecordProducer]

He keeps calling me, I can't stand it!

[This_Too_Shall_Pass]

He keeps calling me, I can't stand it!

 

Are you answering his calls?

 

RP, I can imagine the emotional roller-coaster....you feel strong one moment, and then the pain is back...and the cycle goes on. Right now if you're feeling strong, it's because you know he's is the wrong, he knows it too, and you have the whole world validating that. It feels soothing, and the knowledge that you are entitled to feel this way, consoles you. I'm just describing how it feels - you're absolutely right in feeling so.

 

But public memory is short, and after the initial exclamations of indignance and empathy from people, it will be your struggle entirely. That's when you'll feel the "low". But you know you're a tough cookie, eh....keep your head above the water, hon.

 

And what's the issue with your mom??!! Jeeez what's her problem?? You would do best to avoid people who don't relate. The same goes for your (now ex) bf. I really like the way Sylviaguardian put it (her experience shines through! ). He's cowardly and weak. And doesn't mean what he says at all.

 

I don't know your situation with your boys' school schedule and stuff, but if it's possible, take a week off and go somewhere. Take a good girl friend along if you can. You need to get away from the same old walls of your house and your mom and your bf. Take a break, dear - the change will help.

[RecordProducer]

Are you answering his calls?

I didn't! He phoned 4-5 times and I didn't answer it, but then he called me from another of his phones and my freaking network reported it as a local call!! :mad:

 

I was sure it was someone local so I answered it. But I told him there was nothing to talk about and he said he deserved it. Then I said goodbye and hung up.

 

Thanks for your insightful and sweet post, TTSP. I am not angry, I am just trying to move on. This chapter of my life is closed and I look forward to open a new one, even though it hurts right now.

[StacyRose]

Well.. I'm so shocked! I just found out and I am really not sure what to say.

What is confusing me is that you two spoke for hours daily. You would think with that type of communication he would have a good idea about what he wanted. Maybe he saw your kids and realized that he didn't want to risk putting their lives into an unstable situation. Maybe he felt you were just too beautiful for him and he was some old geezer approaching 50 and he was worried you'd leave him or something crazy like that. This would be his 3rd marriage. here's a crazy statistic:

 

"“Fifty percent of first marriages, 67 percent of second and 74 percent

of third marriages end in divorce"

 

So, there was a 74% chance of it still not working, statistically speaking.

 

But, I don't know what's going on exactly. Why would he really bother to chat with you for 4 hours a day, fly all the way there (it must be a day-long flight), and promise you a bunch of things. And, it doesn't sound like he got cold feet last minute? He didn't even bring the suit or rings, so he knew he wasn't going to do it before he even boarded the plane. Why didn't he prepare you for any of this?

 

Honestly, I'm not good at giving answers. But all of this is bringing me a lot of questions. Why would he get your hopes up like this? What could he possibly get out of crushing you to such a degree. You weren't being naive. You were being a romantic, and believing in love. I 100% wouldn't even sign a prenup, you said you'd sign whatever, you were really in this for true love. I just don't get why love isn't enough anymore. Why men have to overcomplicate everything and decide last minute that they want to f*** up everyone's life!

 

And, he didn't even apologize or send you flowers or do anything to show he felt guilty. He just called you from the hotel and then said "gotta go". Where is the romance in any of this??

 

Well, if it helps, I know how you feel. Especially with the lack of control over the situation. He doesn't just live next door, you have kids to take care of. I'm sure you want to get to the bottom of this, but the reality of the situation is that you just have no choice but to sit back and take in the pain. Maybe he will come back to you, and everything will change and he will have some super amazing excuse god knows what can make up for this.. or maybe time will just help you heal. But, either way, you will have to get through this and you seem to be toughing it out pretty well. But your kids are not an obstacle of course, they are there for you to cuddle with and I'm sure they inspire you to stay strong and positive through this mess!!

 

So, my advice would be to try to think clearly, and see what went wrong. It seems you see it as being his fault, 100%. This actually is a great thing in terms of coping with the loss. None of this is your fault, you did your best, and that means this guy is probably a jerk anyway. At least you didn't lose a "good guy", because losing something that is actually valuable is what really hurts. Losing a fantasy is like waking up from a dream, it means nothing.

 

I really liked this comment:

But I understand that EVERYTHING happens for a reason. I found this out after my break-up -> and so shall you too hun. Bigger & better things are in store for you - I can feel it!

 

Anyway, hopefully those spurts of 15 minutes of not thinking about him expand into 20 minutes... and then hours.. and then he's out of your mind!

 

Stacy:o

[RecordProducer]

Maybe he felt you were just too beautiful for him and he was some old geezer approaching 50

You crack me up!

And, it doesn't sound like he got cold feet last minute. He didn't even bring the suit or rings, so he knew he wasn't going to do it before he even boarded the plane. Why didn't he prepare you for any of this?

Because he is a very evil man and wanted to hurt me. He knew we wouldn't get married, but he wanted to make a fool out of me, just for the sake of doing it. He knew this would be the end and wanted to stab me straight in the heart so that he comes out as a winner. He probably planned this long time ago. And he hurt my children because he is jealous of me having children.

 

He hates me for being a much better person than him, for having a heart and soul, feelings, tears, love... He makes machines for a living and he is a machine himself. He has no feelings, no consciousness, no sympathy (even for children who get killed in wars); he only loves himself and his stupid airplane. He wanted to leave a good impression on me so he could feel good about himself, but eventually realized that what I loved was not him - but an imaginary character. That realization crushed him; he saw me being in love with someone else (the character he made up) and wanted to show me that I was a fool, that life isn't so rosey, that good guys turn out bad at the end. He wanted to punish me for not loving him for whom he was, but him for whom he pretended to be.

 

He desperately wants to be a good person, but he can't be. I told him it was sexy that he was a CEO and he said "What matters is whether I am a good man." He is obsessed with being good, he longs for it. He has everything, but his heart stinks and he knows that. He sees himself on the inside and hates what he sees. And then he hates me for not being like him. He makes promises easily, because he wants to be the person he promises to be so badly, but at the end he has to bite venomously, because that's in his nature. The evil for him is like drugs for a junky - he wants and promises to stop, but he can't resist the temptation. He can't run away from it because it's in his heart. That's why he picked me - a girl from abroad - because he knew it would take me longer to read him.

 

I was wondering why his brother acted so reserved to me, but now I know: he was ashamed of his twin brother, because he knew he was just playing games with me and my family. His brother is a decent man, he has a wife and three children (he adopted his second wife's daughter and loves her as her own child!). I think his brother even tried to warn me many times in all kinds of indirect ways about him, but I was too blinded with love and stupidity to read between the lines. And I thought he didn't like me..

 

Anyway, if there is God then He must love me very much, because he rescued me and my children from the claws of this creepy, dangerous, and morbid creature.

 

I 100% wouldn't even sign a prenup, you said you'd sign whatever, you were really in this for true love.

Yes, he wanted to protect himself financially and I agreed to it. A wolf protecting himself from a lamb - go figure!

 

And, he didn't even apologize or send you flowers or do anything to show he felt guilty. He just called you from the hotel and then said "gotta go". Where is the romance in any of this??

Apologize?! He probably thinks I owe him an apology for existing in this world. He called me as soon as he arrived home to let me know that his majesty is now safe. He is the kind of person that writes his name on the steamy cab windows - that much self-centered he is (after a while he remembers to add my name too). He bought an airplane worth over $200,000, but didn't bring any present for me. He thinks I am rude because I hung up on him, but he isn't rude in his eyes for what he did to me.

 

Maybe he will come back to you, and everything will change

How, Stacy? Our relationship is dead. It's not about my anger, I've been angry before, it's not about forgiveness, I am a very forgiving person and have never been vindictive... but I am trying to think of what would make a happy ending if this were a book and I were the writer, and I just can't see anything that would make me trust him again. How can you be happy with someone you don't trust?

 

It seems you see it as being his fault, 100%. This actually is a great thing in terms of coping with the loss. None of this is your fault, you did your best, and that means this guy is probably a jerk anyway. At least you didn't lose a "good guy", because losing something that is actually valuable is what really hurts. Losing a fantasy is like waking up from a dream, it means nothing.

I absolutely agree. There is nothing I can hold onto and say it makes me nostalgic towards what we had; his love was fake, which means mine was too (as it was based on his lies and who I believed he was). He is indeed smart, and has a good sense of humor, and the sex was great, but I don't care one bit about any of it when the rest is not there. I feel dirty for kissing someone who only wanted to harm me and my children.

 

The person I loved never existed. The person he is - I despise!

[lindya]

I just don't get why love isn't enough anymore. Why men have to overcomplicate everything and decide last minute that they want to f*** up everyone's life!

 

Some people seem to be hooked on taking the kudos for making grand promises that they're just not capable/have no intention of following through on. They go through life making those promises to everyone they meet so that they can perpetually live amongst the buzz of other people's excitement and anticipation. When it comes to the point where they actually have to deliver on those promises, they're off.

 

I remember being horribly dumped by my ex amidst traumatic personal circumstances. At the time I just couldn't understand how someone who had seemed to genuinely care for me could, in such a short space of time, suddenly turn completely cold and show utter disregard for my welfare. It wasn't as if we'd only known eachother for 5 minutes, and I'd done absolutely nothing wrong other than go through a difficult time in my life...the brunt of which I'd done all I could to protect him from.

 

Like you, RP, I initially thought he was evil personified. Then as the hurt subsided, I realised he was just another of life's weak, immature non-entities. Someone who always gravitated towards others who had some genuine passion and conviction...and whose whole life was devoted to faking the same.

 

RP, the fact that fossil-features keeps phoning you shows that you handled yourself with dignity. He's probably taken aback by the aplomb with which you handled his decision. Agitated that you outclass him in strength and dignity as much as you outclass him in beauty, talent and passion for life.

 

Long may he eat his own heart out....whatever there is of it. I'm glad you've decided not to take his calls and waste any more valuable time listening to his bulls***. Have a tranquil, therapeutic weekend - and post as much as you need to. xx

[ReluctantRomeo]

Some people seem to be hooked on taking the kudos for making grand promises that they're just not capable/have no intention of following through on. They go through life making those promises to everyone they meet so that they can perpetually live amongst the buzz of other people's excitement and anticipation. When it comes to the point where they actually have to deliver on those promises, they're off.

 

This paragraph goes straight into my collection of quotes... For those of us who don't act like this, such behaviour is puzzling. I think you're got an insight here.

 

There's a link to the fact that our society is hooked on "cumulative moments". The peak. The climax. Take a look at movies or adverts... where is the idea of slow hard slog? Yet most of life is not a cumulative moment. Mostly it's a journey.

 

Enough, before I go Zen on you all... how are you holding up right now RP?

[d'Arthez]

Okay, you are not going to like this reply, probably. But let me put in my two cents. Of course, I would have rather seen it end otherwise, than it did - and I am sorry it ended this way. But, consider:

 

Because he is a very evil man and wanted to hurt me.

Yes, he was the devil incarnate. Now, what does it tell about you that you believed this demon for well over a year?

 

He knew we wouldn't get married, but he wanted to make a fool out of me, just for the sake of doing it.

So, why out of 3 billion women, he had to choose you? If he had such an intention, he could have posted a few pics of you on ads for telephone sex in your home-town or something like that. It probably would have been a lot cheaper. And you would not even know who to blame. That would be more diabolical, and would not have blown his cover.

 

He knew this would be the end and wanted to stab me straight in the heart so that he comes out as a winner. He probably planned this long time ago. And he hurt my children because he is jealous of me having children.

Why would victory matter to an evil man, a demon from hell?

Why would he be jealous of you for having kids? Why not his brother's kids? Or the kids of whomever?

 

He hates me for being a much better person than him, for having a heart and soul, feelings, tears, love...

Why would he hate you for that? And if so, why have you not seen that for well over a year? BTW, this whole explanation is dubious. How can you "have" love, when all of it was "fake"? For your kids? So he is travelling 5,000 miles just to meet a woman, who is divorced and has kids? If he lives in any town with over 7,000 inhabitants, he does not have to go further than 500 yards.

 

He wanted to leave a good impression on me so he could feel good about himself, but eventually realized that what I loved was not him - but an imaginary character.

Could the same apply to you? That you did not love him, but the image you had of him? And if so, should that have consequences for your future behavior, when meeting new prospective partners? If you made mistakes, the best thing is to learn from them. And not blame everything on your ex, because then you are prone to make the same mistakes again. If he preyed on you, find out why he preyed on you. Et cetera.

 

That realization crushed him; he saw me being in love with someone else (the character he made up) and wanted to show me that I was a fool, that life isn't so rosey, that good guys turn out bad at the end.

This is inconsistent. How can he be the devil (evil) and be good at the same time. Consider that. Was this a grand scheme to crush your faith (if any) in the good nature of humankind?

 

He wanted to punish me for not loving him for whom he was, but him for whom he pretended to be.

The punishing can be debated. But if he saw you loved him for whom he pretended to be, what does that tell of your vision of him? Did you see the real guy, or did you see the fantasy yourself?

 

He desperately wants to be a good person, but he can't be.

That is the story for novels.

 

I told him it was sexy that he was a CEO and he said "What matters is whether I am a good man." He is obsessed with being good, he longs for it.

How can the devil even long to be good? Is this pretend-play? How can the desire to be a good man an evil thing? If it is because it is a desire, frankly, that applies to almost everything. And why were you attributing sexiness to the whole CEO thing itself?

 

The evil for him is like drugs for a junky - he wants and promises to stop, but he can't resist the temptation. He can't run away from it because it's in his heart. That's why he picked me - a girl from abroad - because he knew it would take me longer to read him.

Even if all this is true, what does that tell you about you? Do not neglect to examine that.

 

I was wondering why his brother acted so reserved to me, but now I know: he was ashamed of his twin brother, because he knew he was just playing games with me and my family.

How would his brother know? Is delusion not part of the scheme of your ex? Your ex had been married twice already. And divorced, relatively soon - now could that perhaps be an explanation? Or the fact that you and the twin brother may have had clashing personalities, to name but a few of the many explanations for that. To blame it all on the evilness of your ex, is probably the easiest and least informative explanation anyone can come up with.

 

Anyway, if there is God then He must love me very much, because he rescued me and my children from the claws of this creepy, dangerous, and morbid creature.

Creepy, dangerous and morbid? Based on what? Because he did not satisfy your every whim, your every fantasy that the two of you created?

 

Yes, he wanted to protect himself financially and I agreed to it. A wolf protecting himself from a lamb - go figure!

Nah, it could not have been the divorce experiences he had been through twice already. Or the fact that you may have been after his money (why should all his considerations necessarily be evil, and yours pure?). The fact that you are not making as much as he did, which would mean, that a divorce would effectively fund your career in music. Why could he not have such considerations?

 

It's not about my anger, I've been angry before, it's not about forgiveness, I am a very forgiving person and have never been vindictive...

Forgiving? I am sorry, but it does not reflect from this post, to be honest. If attributing a demonic scheme is reflective of that, then I can only pity the people who are not granted your forgiveness.

 

There is nothing I can hold onto and say it makes me nostalgic towards what we had; his love was fake, which means mine was too (as it was based on his lies and who I believed he was).

If your love was fake, what does that tell about you? And the perception of things you had? False too? And your judgement? Of everything, and everyone?

 

He is indeed smart, and has a good sense of humor, and the sex was great, but I don't care one bit about any of it when the rest is not there. I feel dirty for kissing someone who only wanted to harm me and my children.

Sure ... when does reality kick in?

Cannot he say the same thing for you being a money-grabber, for instance? Or other (of course you consider them now irrational, idiotic et cetera) fears he may have had? I fear part of this, is just showing that you are blaming him for a few issues and shortcomings you have yourself.

 

Let the anger subside. It won't solve anything. It won't change anything. And look rationally at the whole relationship. From the start to the end. And acknowledge your mistakes. By making it out as if you did nothing wrong, and he was the devil incarnate you only accomplish one thing: that your next relationship will be one with the same mistakes as this one.

[Woggle]

Sorry to hear that. It's his loss and you will find somebody better.

[westernxer]

Let the anger subside. It won't solve anything. It won't change anything. And look rationally at the whole relationship. From the start to the end. And acknowledge your mistakes. By making it out as if you did nothing wrong' date=' and he was the devil incarnate you only accomplish one thing: that your next relationship will be one with the same mistakes as this one.[/quote']

 

Exactly.

 

d'Arthez, your entire post was a pleasure to read. Very articulate and thought provoking. Nice display of rationale, too.

[StacyRose]

He probably planned this long time ago. And he hurt my children because he is jealous of me having children.

 

WTF? If he planned on dumping you a long time ago, why would he still chat with you for hours a day? Why did his online behavior not change? How can he really be that cold and two faced? I think a part of him was really ready to do it, I can't beleive that the ENTIRE time he never intended on proposing. That just seems utterly cold. I don't believe it! No one can be that selfish!

 

 

He wanted to punish me for not loving him for whom he was, but him for whom he pretended to be.

 

I honestly think men are no where deep enough to be able to contrive something like that. Maybe he was playing you, maybe he just got cold feet, but why would he fly all the way there just to hurt you for believing in him? Honestly, eventhough everything is hurting now, I would at LEAST send him an e-mail and ask him with the F*** happened? I mean, of course it's over, but don't you want to learn from your mistakes? Being emotional about all this in response to his actions is feeding whatever psychotic reaction he wants out of you. Why don't you just e-mail him all cool and collected and say "well, now that things have calmed down, can you please explain yourself? Of course, it's over.. but I'm not going to hate you because I'm better than that. I just want an explanation so I can move on and learn from this and possibly avoid it in the future at any expense" Aren't you CURIOUS as to what he has to say? I mean, he's all nice to you and then BAM he doesn't want to get married. There HAS to be some reasoning behind it! Talk to the REAL him.. get down to business and get the dirty facts. I KNOW!!! Maybe he's SCHIZOPHRENIC and when he's there on chat, he's mr. good guy and when he's there with you, the bad personality takes over. I'm serious, maybe he has a mental condition. So, why don't you just realize that the fantasy is over and try to rationalize all of this with him before you close the book forever. That's what I would do.

 

I was wondering why his brother acted so reserved to me, but now I know: he was ashamed of his twin brother, because he knew he was just playing games with me and my family.

 

That is a huge sign.. how his friends and family act towards you. Next time, listen to your intuition!

 

He bought an airplane worth over $200,000, but didn't bring any present for me. He thinks I am rude because I hung up on him, but he isn't rude in his eyes for what he did to me.

 

I dont' care how "rich" he is.. any guy who wastes that kind of money on himself is pathetic. I once dated a guy who made over $100K a year, and he had a crappy car, lived in an apartment, was careful with his money. His rational was that he didn't want to waste his own money on himself, he was saving up for a house, and to provide for his family one day in the future. He was a nice guy, they are out there. Spending that much money on yourself is completely selfish. Plus, if he is a millionare (which I'm just going to assume now) why the HELL did he not offer to fly you and your kids, and your mom over to see him? He should have wanted to share his life, his friends, everythign about himself with you. I'm sure it would have been possible, and you wouldn't need your mom to watch your kids, he should have flown your mom over there too! I agree that he shouldn't have been sending you money (although I know of LDR's where the guy has done that) just in case he was worried of being "used", but he should have done EVERYTHING else possible under the moon to make sure you were taken care of and were comfortable with the situation.

 

How, Stacy? Our relationship is dead. It's not about my anger, I've been angry before, it's not about forgiveness, I am a very forgiving person and have never been vindictive... but I am trying to think of what would make a happy ending if this were a book and I were the writer

 

Umm I don't know the situation that well. What would make it a happy ending is probably IMPOSSIBLE for any real man to do. He would have to fly there this Christmas, surprise you with all sorts of gifts, go down on one knee (while crying preferably) and say "I am so sorry for all that I've put you through, I just wasn't ready but now I KNOW you are the woman for me, I just needed to really be sure. Now I am. Will you be my wife?" And THEN he can do the "paperwork" and you ain't signing ANY prenup!! Then, he takes care of EVERYTHING. He makes all the arrangements, and within a few weeks he takes you back to his house, his family and friends all know about you and are enthusiastic about finally meeting you, and you live happily ever after. Like I said, that's basically IMPOSSIBLE. But, if this were a fantasy relationship, you can put that in your fantasy, and close the book forever and wake up! No one can complain when it comes to happy endings

 

 

I feel dirty for kissing someone who only wanted to harm me and my children.

Well, just be happy you shared some good moments together. While you were kissing him, you were happy, and that's all that matters. Fantasy or not, you did get some happiness out of this. Just don't go ruining it with depression. Try to stop using your emotions for a while, and try to logically understand all of this. Give your emotions a well deserved break and try to see what really happened.. open up your eyes.

 

~Stacy~