White lie??

[In Love]

MY boyfriend and I have been together about a month. I have known him about 3 years, and I actually dated 2 of his friends before him, and he dated one of my best friends. See, he had somewhat of a promiscuous past, which I was not all about. But he hasnt been with anyone (as far as I know) for the last year or so, until me. We recently had talk about who we have been with in the past. He brought it up because he was curious about me. I have been with very few people, and those that I was with I really cared about. I was completely honest with him, but I suppose I didn't have anything to be ashamed of. When it came to his turn, he told me a number that I knew for a fact was false. (Keep in mind that I had known him 3 years, AND he dated my best friend...) So I said really, is that the truth, & he swore it was. I then told him that I had heard differently & he continued to deny it until I told him how I knew. Even then the number was less than what I thought it was, but I didn't want to press it anymore. He knew that I had caught him lying & I didn't see any need to pursue it more. I was considerably upset about it though, because as I told him, I knew what I was getting myself into before I decided to try a relationship with him, and the number was not important to me. The fact that he felt the need to lie to me about something like that is what was upsetting. He said that he did it because he was embarrassed, which I understand, and that it was just a white lie & he didnt mean me any harm by it. I know he honestly cares for me & our relationship is very strong so far. So I guess my question is, how upset do you think I have a right to be about this? Any thoughts or comments would be appreciated. Thanks!

[Laurynn]

My guess is he knows he has a much more extensive sexual past than you...afterall, you were the first one to divulge how many partners you'd had......which was obviously considerably less than him. So he probably felt bad/embarassed....

 

You say you doubt he's slept with anyone over the past year. So maybe in the past he was young and promiscuous and now he's grown up and isn't that way....he can't change his past, he made his mistakes.

 

I'm sure he knew that if he told you the REAL # of people he'd been with, in comparison to your small number, that would make him look like a pig and possibly taint your opinion of him.

 

The thing is, you've known him for 3 years, right? You knew that he had a definite history before you started dating him.....yet you chose to disregard that and date him anyway.

 

I'd say let this go. As long as he's honest with you, there shouldn't be a problem. See, this is often what happens when a couple start asking each other "how many" people they've slept with. Sometimes it's best just not to ask/not to know the exact numbers (if you're concerned about health risks, then a just have the person get checked out for STDs/HIV/Hepatitis C prior to getting involved intimately with them).

 

I don't think he set out to lie to you, because he's a 'dishonest person'...I think he just felt like a dork and was trying to spare your feelings and maybe not look like such a promiscuous person in comparison to you, that's all.

 

L

[sparkle]

You really have no right to be upset at him. Actually, I'd figure he'd be the one getting upset that you kept bugging him about it.

 

If it was not important to you (like you told him), you should never have asked him in the first place. The number of people he has had sex with is none of your business. So why ask? And what difference should it make? He's not sleeping with them right now while he's with you.

 

Next time, don't ever ask your future boyfriends questions about their past and especially not the number of girls they have slept with. It has nothing to do with you.

 

If you were asking because you wanted to make sure that he was STD-free, the number of women still would not matter. It only takes one. So the appropriate way to ask this would be to say something along the lines of: "I don't care to know about your past, but I want to make sure that if you have slept with someone before, that you have gotten yourself checked since then, and are free of any STD's".

 

From now on, keep your butt out of his past. It's none of your business. I'd probably apologize to him pretty soon for repeatedly asking him this question and for pressing him for an answer. Otherwise he may think that I'm pretty immature to even ask him in the first place.

[In Love]

I don't think I was out of line for discussing it with him because he brought up the subject and asked me my number in the first place. I hadnt planned on bringing it up myself, but since he did how I am wrong for inquiring the same? The way I saw it was if he was comfortable enough to ask me, he should have been comfortable enough to answer. I realize that it was in his past, but what upset me was the fact that he lied. I don't think there is any excuses for lying. And if he was not prepared to be honest with me then I feel HE should not have brought it up!!