I Need A Father-Figure

[JosiePosie]

I am mainly here to put my thoughts out there and maybe someone will understand where I am coming from, or throw in their two cents.

 

It is bizarre to be realizing that I need a father-figure when I already have a father who is alive and well. I have no real emotional connection with my father. As long as I am alive and breathing, than that's all he really needs to know. For as long as I can remember, my father has been sporadic in showing affection. He has never said that he loved us. As we grew up, the sporadic affection dwindled. My mother told me that it bothered her that he never really did anything with us, other than put food on the table. She was the one who made sure we went to school and stayed out of trouble.

 

I broke up with my boyfriend just over two months ago. I have a history of getting involved with men who eventually abandon me emotionally and physically. They were like me, looking for someone to fill the empty spaces in their heart. It would later backfire. I have had my heart broken many many times. You would think that it gets easier, it doesn't.

 

Since the break-up, I have been in counselling, attending support groups, reading the Bible, praying, etc. I have learned a lot about myself, God, and relationship mistakes. During my recovery, there are many times when I feel like I need someone to go to, especially when I feel lonely and sad. When I try to reach out to a friend, they are busy with their own lives.

 

I was thinking to myself earlier this morning, that what I need the most is a father-figure. An older male figure who is going to support me during the tough times. Someone who will help me make sense out of my emotional junk. My father lives out of the city, emotionally closed, and never healed from his troubled life. I have tried to get those emotional needs met through boyfriends which I said before, backfired on me. I guess I am saying that I need a Dad. I almost wish there was some type of "Adopt-A-Daughter" program that I can join...lol.

[Mary3]

I would have thought that I wrote your post for the second paragraph mimicked my life as well.

 

The first thing you need to know is that your dad probrobly had cold un -nuturing parent(s) and the only thing he knew was what he was shown by his parents. Thus he brought the past into his future and your were born to a father who did not know how to show you that you were loved.

 

The second thing you need to know is that you need to forgive your dad, out loud, alone in your room and to do so will take a big burden off your chest. Just try and say " I forgive you Dad " . Its vital so you can heal .

 

You cannot change the fact that he was ,what he was as a father.

 

All that you have done to help yourself since then is fantastic ! The learning process never ends in finding out about you.

 

There are some interesting ways that you can find a father figure. I myself never thought of doing so but I will give you ideas.

 

One of the best places to meet someone who might care about you in a way that your dad did not , is possibly a retirement community where there possibly good male role models that want someone to care about.

 

Another idea is to join Habitat for Humanity. My uncle is a member and he is a very caring person. You can join and help out in 100 different ways.

 

Those are two that I can think of. You might come up with more. Just remember alot of volunteer organizations are filled with members who care about people and you might find by volunteering that you can find people to be truly interested in you.

[JosiePosie]

My father's father was an abusive, selfish man. When my father was young, my grandfather would beat my grandmother, cheat on her, had children with another woman, drank, pretty much everything. My grandfather even favoured my uncle in which still bothers my father to this day (my mother told me). My father has repeated the cycle in his own life. He favours one of my brothers compared to the other, pretty sad.

 

I KNOW why my father is not the most loving, and it is something I am growing to accept. I guess I am just looking for a way to move beyond all that.