Is it worth it?

[Daniel]

I have been seeing this girl for three months now. We get along great and we have began to talk about getting married. The problem is my best friend of my twenty-one years and my live-in brother don't like her. My parents are okay with her, but they just don't like the idea of us getting married. I love her very much, but because of these different views of her with my family and friends we have had a few arguements about the subject. My view of her has not changed at all, but I find myself thinking....Is it worth it?

[Laurynn]

First of all, what ages are you both? Are you both out of school (or college) and well into your careers?

 

3 months is NOT a very long time to really 'know' someone, or to even consider making the lifetime commitment of marrying them. There are so very many major issues to consider/discuss before entertaining the notion of marriage:

 

-our your individual life goals similar/compatible?

 

-do you share similar religious beliefs?

 

-how do each of you feel about having children?

 

-how do each of you feel about raising children?

 

-have both of you lived on your own/lived independently?

 

-do you share similar views on saving money/spending money/budgeting?

 

-how is your 'communication' with each other?

 

One thing that stuck out when reading your post was your last line: "My view of her has not changed at all, but I find myself thinking....Is it worth it?"

 

Is it worth it? Well if you're that easily influenced by what your friends and family think, and you're asking yourself if it's 'worth it', then honestly, you're not ready to contemplate marriage.

 

So what are the reasons that your friends and family don't like her?....can you be specific?

 

L

[Daniel]

We are both 21, but we are well above our age group. I manage my father's construction company and she is a VP at Voicestream Wireless (cell phone firm). We have both been through college(with early degrees) and away from any finacial ties with our families. I know that three months is not very long, but we had this amazing connection...almost like a love at first sight idea. We have spent a lot of time together. That is how we have gotten to know eachother very well, and I think this has a little to do with my friend and brother feelings toward us. My parents have said that they love her, but just that they think we are rushing things. I can see why people might say that, but it is not a big concern to me. I know that we are made for eachother. What I mean by 'is it worth it' is that I have always heard that their are a lot of good girls to be with and not to let one seperate you from your loved ones....not says that that WILL happen, but if it does come down to that.......is it worth it?

First of all, what ages are you both? Are you both out of school (or college) and well into your careers? 3 months is NOT a very long time to really 'know' someone, or to even consider making the lifetime commitment of marrying them. There are so very many major issues to consider/discuss before entertaining the notion of marriage: -our your individual life goals similar/compatible?

 

-do you share similar religious beliefs?

 

-how do each of you feel about having children?

 

-how do each of you feel about raising children?

 

-have both of you lived on your own/lived independently? -do you share similar views on saving money/spending money/budgeting? -how is your 'communication' with each other?

 

One thing that stuck out when reading your post was your last line: "My view of her has not changed at all, but I find myself thinking....Is it worth it?" Is it worth it? Well if you're that easily influenced by what your friends and family think, and you're asking yourself if it's 'worth it', then honestly, you're not ready to contemplate marriage. So what are the reasons that your friends and family don't like her?....can you be specific?

 

L

[Ashesmum]

Marriage should even be in your head at three months. Now after a few years or more, you start thinking about that (if you're both still together). If you really loved her, it wouldn't matter what people thought of her. You have to get your priorities straight. And if she isn't at the top, then tell her so she doesn't have to waste her time thinking it's all good.

I have been seeing this girl for three months now. We get along great and we have began to talk about getting married. The problem is my best friend of my twenty-one years and my live-in brother don't like her. My parents are okay with her, but they just don't like the idea of us getting married. I love her very much, but because of these different views of her with my family and friends we have had a few arguements about the subject. My view of her has not changed at all, but I find myself thinking....Is it worth it?

[Laurynn]

Not sure if you ever heard this, but there's an actual TERM for the beginning stages of a relationship: the Honeymoon Stage (period)....this is usually the first 3 months, where both people are madly in love, everything is perfect, both people are on their best behavior, never a fight or disagreement. I've been in several long term relationships, including a (abusive) marriage, and I definitely attest to this. Not saying that *3 months* is the absolute time frame, but just that things in the beginning of a relationship aren't always a true and accurate indicator of things to come. I'd seriously suggest waiting another 3 months.......to make sure each of you see each other's "true colors"......people can change once they get comfortable in the relationship, and sometimes they change for the worst.

 

I think this is likely why your family is so concerned about you 'talking marriage' after such a short period of time. More than 50% of marriages end in divorce and I believe the stats are even higher for those who marry young (like under the age of 25 or so).

 

If you two are really meant to be together, you'll both 'still be there' in another few months......reassess things then...cuz I tell ya, divorce is an extremely stressful, heartbreaking, financially chaotic thing.....

 

Laurynn

[Miss Mojo]

everything laurynn just said is so right.

 

i too have been in a couple of long-term relationships, and i can tell you from my experience that it was roughly the first 6 months of the relationship that were the 'honeymoom period' for me. during these first 6 months there was NEVER a single fight or disagreement, everything was unbelievable honky-dory and very, *very* cruisy, exciting and happy. at the beginning of both of these relationships, we both thought the relationship would last a considerable amount of time. one did, and it became abusive, and the other was a great relationship that ended due to circumstances beyond my control.

 

so please don't jump the gun yet.....it is very easy to get caught up in the elation of a new romance and to believe that it is "meant to be". my only advice is that if it is meant to be, you will know this after a considerable amount of time together....and i'm talking YEARS here.

 

trust me, you will get very comfortable with each other and then you will get so comfortable that your (and her) flaws will start to show....and i can bet a million bucks you haven't seen them yet. hopefully they don't bother you too much, but only time will tell.

 

take your time, and know that your family are

 

concerned for a very good reason. it's only early stages yet, so please take your time. things can go either way in a relationship. please don't resign yourself to marriage yet, because you certainly do not know each other enough yet and if things don't work out as you dreamed they might, you could really let yourself down.

 

enjoy each moment you have together as they come. there's no need to rush anything at all. marriage is, after all, a life changing decision and not something to be looked at through rose-coloured glasses.