What is the formula?????

[Ernie]

I don't understand women at all!! I am a 40 year old male and I have never had a relationship before with anyone!!! I have tried but always failed. I cannot help the fact that no woman wanted anything to do with me! I am told I am a great guy, but I am always hearing: "But I just want to be friends"! Damn it! If I want friends, I'll join a club! I have read before where lonely people don't live long, happy, healthy lives. Well, that's OK with me. I mean, who wants to live long and be alone the rest of their lives?What do women want? I am a struggling artist/filmmaker. I also build and paint figure models for collectors all over the country! I am a 15 time award-winner! Ok, so I don't earn much money and I don't drive a fancy car, big deal!!!

 

I like horror and sci-fi movies, but I'm not one of those guys who hangs out at the local comicbook shop either!

 

I run my own modestly successful video production company and I just produced my first instructional video on painting figure model kits! OK, so it hasn't sold very well yet, but hey, it was just finished not too long ago!

 

What do women want??? What is the formula?? It seems as though just because I've never been married, that is being held against me!! WHY IN GOD'S NAME??? Is there a site where you can be evaluated? Signed "A Broken Man"

[Tony T]

1. "What do women want???"

 

Different women want different things in a man. Some want a good conversationalist and provider, some want an intellectual, some want a person who can guide them spiritually, some want a good looking stud, some want money or financial security. In most cases, each different lady wants a combination of a number of qualities, some listed above and some not. This is not rocket science.

 

2. "What is the formula??"

 

The formula is to be what a particular woman wants. It's up to you to find a woman you enjoy who wants you in return. Most men are successful at it so it's not something that's out of the range of possiblities.

 

3. "It seems as though just because I've never been married, that is being held against me!!"

 

No, you're holding that against yourself. Most women, once given a simple explanation that does not include a narrative about how sad your life has been, will have no problem with a man who hasn't been married. To many women, a nice man of 40 would be considered young and a great catch. As a matter of fact, many women in their mid 20s and 30s are very attracted to older men.

 

The world, generally...and that includes both men and women...is pretty indifferent as to your current or past marital status.

 

4. "WHY IN GOD'S NAME??? Is there a site where you can be evaluated?"

 

It depends on what you want to be evaluated for. If you want to test your muffler, Midas may be the site for you.

 

If you want to find reasons why you may not be having luck with the ladies, a commercial dating service with seasoned counsellors may be able to interview you and get to some core reasons for your lack of success with women.

 

Without interviewing you in detail, there is absolutely no way I could even speculate on your problem. However, my intuition tells me that if your employment involves painting figure models, meaning naked women, many women would feel threatened by that or not understand that it is a normal aspect of artwork rather than a symptom of some sexual perversion. Perhaps you should limit the description of your work to just being an artist. Later on, a more full explanation can be given.

 

Upon first meeting, many women would sooner walk away from a guy who works with naked women all day rather than risk moving forward. A lot of it is ignorance, some of it jealousy. You have to remember that many women, in your age group particularly, have been jerked around pretty badly in the past and they will exercise extreme caution in the guys they date.

 

There are probably other aspects of your personality that may need work but a professional, either a good dating service or a psychological counsellor, could help you with finding the core reasons for your lack of success with the ladies.

 

You may just need some basic guidelines for good approaches to ladies and better skills at relationship maintenance. Once you get yourself properly equipped, there is NO reason whatsoever why you should be alone.

[Ashesmum]

Maybe try new things. Me being a woman doesn't see painting figure models as an exciting thing. But women are different. Why not try playing pool, driving a motorcycle, getting into arts or music, something more social. Try reading some dating books? Or maybe changing yourself just a little bit to see if it makes a difference. Get some new stylish clothes. Take up golfing? I'm just trying to think of things to try. Win the lotto! I'm not sure but try something different, you might you like it too.

I don't understand women at all!! I am a 40 year old male and I have never had a relationship before with anyone!!! I have tried but always failed. I cannot help the fact that no woman wanted anything to do with me! I am told I am a great guy, but I am always hearing: "But I just want to be friends"! Damn it! If I want friends, I'll join a club! I have read before where lonely people don't live long, happy, healthy lives. Well, that's OK with me. I mean, who wants to live long and be alone the rest of their lives?What do women want? I am a struggling artist/filmmaker. I also build and paint figure models for collectors all over the country! I am a 15 time award-winner! Ok, so I don't earn much money and I don't drive a fancy car, big deal!!! I like horror and sci-fi movies, but I'm not one of those guys who hangs out at the local comicbook shop either! I run my own modestly successful video production company and I just produced my first instructional video on painting figure model kits! OK, so it hasn't sold very well yet, but hey, it was just finished not too long ago! What do women want??? What is the formula?? It seems as though just because I've never been married, that is being held against me!! WHY IN GOD'S NAME??? Is there a site where you can be evaluated? Signed "A Broken Man"

[Ernie]

I understand what you're saying, but doing build-ups is how I make my living, not just a hobby! I am always being told what a great guy I am, but it never seems to progress beyond that! Just curious, but how do you know how I dress? lol Golf?? No thanks! Are there that many women who enjoy golf?? Yeah, win the lotto, there ya go! That would do it for sure! I'm not saying all women are this way, but many sure are superficial when it comes to money! Again, not all of them are that way, but it sure seems that a large percentage are! What gets me, is women are more independent these days. Why should it matter whether a guy is well off or not? They have their own good jobs! I still don't get it I guess! I guess my problem is, I missed out so many years ago, and now, I'm trying to make up for lost time! I was soooooo afraid years ago of rejection! As comedian Robert Townsend said once, "Women say no in slow motion"! lol

 

You know he's right! In other words, the rejection words keep ringing out in your head and you feel absolutely embarassed because of it! ~Ernie

Maybe try new things. Me being a woman doesn't see painting figure models as an exciting thing. But women are different. Why not try playing pool, driving a motorcycle, getting into arts or music, something more social. Try reading some dating books? Or maybe changing yourself just a little bit to see if it makes a difference. Get some new stylish clothes. Take up golfing? I'm just trying to think of things to try. Win the lotto! I'm not sure but try something different, you might you like it too.

[Ashesmum]

I'm not trying to be rude in any sense. Sorry if you took something offensive. I'm just trying to figure some things out for you to try. None of the things I mentioned were something directly on you. You could wear very nice clothes and be really wild. I just tried to get a picture of what you looked like in your world. But it still sounds like you need to get out more often. Have a change of scene. Don't be afraid to be open and a little loud. If you stay clammed up inside, you'll always be there. You can always let loose and have a good time without women too. Make yourself happy before you have to worry about making a woman happy.

I understand what you're saying, but doing build-ups is how I make my living, not just a hobby! I am always being told what a great guy I am, but it never seems to progress beyond that! Just curious, but how do you know how I dress? lol Golf?? No thanks! Are there that many women who enjoy golf?? Yeah, win the lotto, there ya go! That would do it for sure! I'm not saying all women are this way, but many sure are superficial when it comes to money! Again, not all of them are that way, but it sure seems that a large percentage are! What gets me, is women are more independent these days. Why should it matter whether a guy is well off or not? They have their own good jobs! I still don't get it I guess! I guess my problem is, I missed out so many years ago, and now, I'm trying to make up for lost time! I was soooooo afraid years ago of rejection! As comedian Robert Townsend said once, "Women say no in slow motion"! lol You know he's right! In other words, the rejection words keep ringing out in your head and you feel absolutely embarassed because of it! ~Ernie