What Do Men Feel When They Look At Other Women????

[Outcast]

Well he can satisfy his "arousal" whever he gets it.

 

That's unfair and unreasonable.

 

I'm so tired of the sham called monogamy and having to act all grateful for it. I don't value the so called "sacrifice" of having sex only with me as any sort of heroic gift.

 

Do you not see that you have invented all this in your own brain? It in no way reflects reality.

[elijahBailey]

I've told my girlfriend she's welcome to look. She can tell me too, if she wants. She once told me a good friend of mine is the type of guy she'd go for if she wasn't with me. I didn't care. I told her about a friend of hers I find attractive. But we also made a point of noting something about their appearance that isn't attractive, just to make it easier to hear.

 

Good for you. It shows you're pretty secure.

 

I think that, ideally, in a relationship, feelings should be discussed as openly as possible.

[alphamale]

What do men think wen they're looking at the women?.

basically I think..."boy, I'd like to bang her" or "wow, she is hot, i wonder what she'd be like in bed"...

[elijahBailey]

basically I think..."boy, I'd like to bang her" or "wow, she is hot, i wonder what she'd be like in bed"...

 

any women, alpha?

[mymojo]

That's unfair and unreasonable.

 

 

 

Do you not see that you have invented all this in your own brain? It in no way reflects reality.

 

 

What's "unfair" about it ? he gets to chase all the poon he'd like whenever he likes I see no problem here.

 

We are told constantly what a horribly hard "sacrifice" it is for men to remain sexually faithful, it's such a burden that they must resort to any/all outlets to deal with their urges

and as long as their penis doesn't actually connect with another woman's vagina we're expected to act pleased and "grateful"

 

Sorry but I'd rather pass, he can sleep with whoever catches his eye.

[lilmoma1973]

 

All men look they aren't dead!!! If i catch my man doing it and i notice it im am the biggest Bitc* there is and he will have to make it up to me !!!

[Toni_no12002]

As long as they dont undress her with his eyes!a quick glance maybe even though i still get upset about it.

 

You dont want to end up like me really!he doesnt hardly look up when we are out now,because i always thought he was looking at other women.Fair enough a couple of times he did stare but he doesnt anymore.I agree that everyone has a glance but i dont agree with staring especially infront of your gf or whatever.

 

This kind of thing can make you very unhappy.I got so upset about it that even if he glances at another women now i think hes staring and get upset.It hurts alot i know and various people in here know how difficult i was Like outcast for example lol various times they tried to explain it wasnt me but i couldnt get it into my thick head.I think if it bothers you this much you should be talking to someone else because i dont think no one on here will be able to show you.

[newbby]

i think it really depends on how your man treats you. obviously all men are going to look at other women and find them attractive. as long as they dont belittle you in front of other women to make it appear as though they are with you but would rather not be, then i think any problem you have is within yourself.

[joycewmho]

Niccigrl, I understand completely how you feel because I have struggled with this issue for a long long time as well. I hope the following will offer you some comfort and peace of mind.

I've been told by every man and woman out there that this issue is something that women just have to accept--that it's human nature. But I could never accept it because I can't understand how a man cannot change. I can't understand it because I myself have no desire to look at other men other than my boyfriend--why can't he be the same?

I'm Christian, so I prayed about this, and I think I have received some answers. The fact is that the whole issue has to do with having good values. If you have good values, then you will place little importance on appearances. If you truly have good values, then the values would translate into your thoughts and you will not be impressed when you see a beautiful person. If you are not impressed by beautiful people, you will have no interest/curiosity to look at them. This means you will never initiate any motion to seek out beautiful people. If you happen to see a beautiful person by chance (not by your own will), you still would not be impressed by them and so would not get any satisfaction from looking at them. If you get no satisfaction, you will not keep looking. If you don't keep looking, you won't get aroused.

To me, this idea was such a relief to me! I discovered that the onus is on the man to change, not the woman to accept. And even if the man does not change, it is still so liberating to know that it is not your problem at all, that it has nothing to do with you. That's why so many men say that when they look at other women, it has nothing to do with the woman they're with. It's true! It's all about their values. So even if your man has trouble changing, at least you know that it's not you.

[She-Ra]

People should strive towards higher ideals rather than accepting human nature.

[makaze]

Because mentally cheating, emotionally cheating, and physically cheating are all equivalent in my mind.

 

Almost like saying thinking of killing somebody you are angry at, or shooting down people for fun in a video game is the same as committing murder. Fantasy will never be the same as reality. No matter what someone fantasizes about does not mean he/she would actually even want to do it in real life. I understand what you're saying, and have to admit I had certain porn issues as well, but just consider that.

[Outcast]

He is having sex in his mind with every one of those girls he is getting off on

 

Oh really? Well congratulations on completing Advanced Mind Reading.

 

Now how's about asking him what he's doing. Chances are he's imagining doing what those girls are doing WITH YOU. But you don't know that. You make an assumption, believe it, and condemn him for it with no evidence. If you were in court, you'd be thrown out for contempt but somehow you think it's perfectly fine to accuse him of something and get mad at him for it when you have nothing to back up your claim.

 

Unbelievable.

[dfgejfwef]

You can't blame your boyfriend for this.. he is male! Every guy looks at porn, and thinks about other girls sexually. My girlfriend might not like it but she knows that - the thoughts at least! - are not something I could change even if I wanted to. Having said all of that I would NEVER cheat on her.

 

Your guy sounds like he's a similar character.. in which case you have a guy more honest than 90% of the male population out there! You can't go through life being quite this jealous!

[Toni_no12002]

Still there is no proof that he is doing that either.I suppose we will never totally know how minds work.I know excatly how this person feels ive been through it.You should know outcast.Im still struggling now but im getting better.

 

The point i think is that he getting of looking at those women.Not his gf.Fair enough you can find someone attractive but to get off on em?Come on!!People say men dont have very good imaginations.I dont believe that.Its like having a memory of something thats happened.In all porn causes so many problems.Is it even worth this much hassle,and hurt?

 

I dont think men and women will ever agree on this sort of thing, our minds are so different.

[Outcast]

Im still struggling now but im getting better.

 

Good to hear!

The point i think is that he getting of looking at those women

 

That's your opinion. It's not fact. Do you understand this?

 

I look at porn. Not to 'get off' on the men AT ALL. Ew. It's because whatever they happen to be doing looks like fun. I don't think about anybody - just how it would feel physically. Plenty of people think this way. So for you to keep insisting that they get off on the women is just plain wrong.

 

If someone has specifically told you that then you can believe it, but even then it's not 'cheating'; it's fantasy and all the therapists say it's fine and healthy.

 

People say men dont have very good imaginations.I dont believe that.Its like having a memory of something thats happened.

 

Look, you don't get to 'believe' what people say about themselves. I have a lousy visual memory. They tear down houses in my block and I have zero recollection of what they looked like. Maybe you have a vivid imagination and can conjure up mental pictures but human beings are not all alike.

 

In all porn causes so many problems.

 

No, the way people think about it causes the problems.

 

I dont think men and women will ever agree on this sort of thing, our minds are so different.

 

You have to understand that all men and all women are not the same. Your mind is very different from mine. Mine is from other people's. So that you cannot imagine something or can think something doesn't mean it's the same for others and vice versa.

[She-Ra]

Typically, men fantasize about doing to a woman, while women fantasize about being done to.

From what I've learned from speaking to men, it is abosolutely true that they are mentally cheating if getting aroused by pornography. This is because their focus is on the woman in the picture/screen and imagining themself causing her reaction or touching her body.

For women it may be different, their focus is usually on the whole scene and the pleasure the woman is probably feeling. Here, the focus is on what is being done to the woman, not the man himself.

I think the solution is for everybody not to be so impressed by physical beauty.

[makaze]

Typically, men fantasize about doing to a woman, while women fantasize about being done to.

From what I've learned from speaking to men, it is abosolutely true that they are mentally cheating if getting aroused by pornography. This is because their focus is on the woman in the picture/screen and imagining themself causing her reaction or touching her body.

For women it may be different, their focus is usually on the whole scene and the pleasure the woman is probably feeling. Here, the focus is on what is being done to the woman, not the man himself.

I think the solution is for everybody not to be so impressed by physical beauty.

 

I think that's a bit of over-analyzing. There are differences between sexes but there are as many if not more differences between individuals and that's pretty much what matters most. It matters what your SO is like regardless of whether his behaviour and views are typical or not.

[Toni_no12002]

So if the women doesnt like porn and the man does whats the solution.Both people will have strong views on the matter.I dont think its fair on he women that he would still continue the porn but i dont think its fair hes giving up something he likes.So whats the answer?

 

Outcast-i agree that is my opinion.I do understand what you are saying.

Why do things have to be so difficult?

My boyfriend gave up looking at porn ,i never asked him to he just did.Now all ive got to do is work on trying to trust him more.I always thought men looked at porn because i wasnt good enough.I realise i was wrong about that.Still hurts though.

[makaze]

So if the women doesnt like porn and the man does whats the solution.Both people will have strong views on the matter.I dont think its fair on he women that he would still continue the porn but i dont think its fair hes giving up something he likes.So whats the answer?

 

You can't behave the same way when you are single and when you are not. You're gonna have to give up some things at least, and that completely depends on your partner. If your partner feels hurt about something, either give it up or give your partner up. Continuing to do something that you know hurts your partner is just going to result in a very bad relationship. And it doesn't matter whose fault it was.

[She-Ra]

The solution for one person, I suspect, may not be satisfying for everyone else; however, for me, I am absolutely satisfied to have finally come to the conclusion that I have every right to hold on to and stand by my values. I used to be conflicted inside because I wasn’t sure if I had the right to expect men to behave contrary to what is natural/comfortable to them.

I believe in a divine law that is absolute—some motives are absolutely wrong, some are absolutely good. I believe the use of pornography for sexual gratification despite having a girlfriend/wife is absolutely wrong. Marriage should be a spiritual union that unites two souls to become one. Marriage forsakes all others; each should be complete with the other alone. Courtship is to determine whether this can be achieved. The upkeep of divine law will be judged by God.

Human law may be more relative. That is, so long as there is agreement, then it is right. Or, so long as majority agrees, then it is right. Right or wrong depends only on the people involved; there is no absolutes. In such cases, couples may agree to open relationships, etc. But is it really so, that things are right just because the majority thinks it is right? I believe not.

The question/issue is what you believe. In my case, even thought I have rigid/strict opinions of what is right or wrong, I can still choose to be lenient if I want to. So, when it comes to my man and pornography or ogling at other women, I want it to be known that he is wrong (that I don’t need to accept it, and that he is answerable to God), but for my part, knowing that it is in man’s nature to have wandering eyes, I can be forgiving/understanding if occasionally he falls to temptation.

[Second-best]

Its like being proud that your kids never went to jail, or that they graduated highschool--thats what should be expected, and having them get scholarships to college, or them being offered amazing career opportunities that should be strived for, and rewarded. Having a man who doesn't cheat should be a GIVEN, not something to be excited about. And having a man in your life who is capable of dedicating all of himself, including his MIND, and not just his body, is what should be strived for. Thats what a true, lasting relationship is about.

 

And if you love your girl for more than just her body, then you should consider being monogamous with more than just YOUR body, and be a real man, and dedicate your mind, and your thoughts, and your love to her, instead of spreading it out to any woman who is willing to take her shirt off for a camera.

 

I would like to applaud you. That is such an EXCELLENT articulation of our thoughts (the thoughts of those women who are against bfs/hubbies looking at porno) wow...

[Outcast]

Except I never said I had issues with fantasies. I do NOT think masterbating is unnateral, even if it is to a mental fantasy (though, even then, acting on fantasies about other people while in a relationship will only lead to trouble). I actually consider masterbation a very healthy way to satisfy physical desires. I said the reliance, and addiction and use of porn is what is unfaithful.

 

This is unreasonable and illogical. It is particularly so to not worry about a man's fantasies but to worry about pictures. There's no difference.

 

Addiction to porn, as addiction to fatty foods, booze, or gambling, is of course not good. But there's a big gap between 'use' and 'addiction'.

 

then you should consider being monogamous with more than just YOUR body, and be a real man, and dedicate your mind, and your thoughts,

 

It's terrifying how many people (women mostly! ) who want to exercise mind control over men. You don't want to marry living, breathing, individuals with ideas of their own, I don't think. You want robots that you can control 24/7. Scary.

[Second-best]

It's terrifying how many people (women mostly! ) who want to exercise mind control over men. You don't want to marry living, breathing, individuals with ideas of their own, I don't think. You want robots that you can control 24/7. Scary.

 

 

oh please... that's like saying we're trying to control their bodies as well, by us not wanting them to cheat. I know I've had relationship problems, and most of the time, if he offers to change to make me happier, (ie, the way he phrases things, the actions he does, etc,) I'll say no to that change happening for me, because I don't want to BUILD the person I'm having a relationship with... all I want is for that person to realise that they wouldn't want that to happen to them either - it's just that they dont realise this till they're told and take a step back and notice this for themselves. I'd hate to be one of those women who is said to have her man "whipped". Why be in a relationship then??? Please don't generalize. This is NOT why we're uncomfortable with our guys looking at porn.

[Outcast]

oh please... that's like saying we're trying to control their bodies as well, by us not wanting them to cheat.

 

No it's actually not at all like that. At all.

[High Contrast]

Some of the phrasing may be a bit creepy, but I think the essence of what these women are saying is that they want their man to be completely, absolutely, head over heels in love with them. And to be the sort of person for whom an experience without that would seem horribly weak in comparison. Seems nice, if you can find it!