What Do Men Feel When They Look At Other Women????

[sparticuss]

Oh come ON. You will never convince me that you don't look at Brad Pitt or some boy band guy or other famous guys and not think them hot or sexy. But that doesn't stop you from wanting or loving your boyfriend, now does it?

 

 

That would have to be the understatment of the year Outcast.

While a few of the guys are turned on by female sex symbols its the female groupies who go absoloutely beserk in absoloute droves over the male sex symbols.

 

One or two body guards are usually sufficent to protect Miss World. Half a police squad is routine for protecting male rock bands, or movie stars.

[sparticuss]

Before I reply to any other posts let me relate two things I,ve seen.

 

Firstly, on the web. There's a blokes page with a real honey on it. Sexy lingerie, half in and half out of it. Real come hiher look on her face.

 

And under it a piece of sound advice.

Quote "No matter what she looks like she's probably got a guy at home and she's making him as miserable as you."

 

 

Secondly.

Most of the married guys are propositioned by a one night stand about once a year, on average.

And almost all of these guys turn them down.

 

Think about it before you let your insecurities wreck your rrelationship.

The real problem here is a bunch of insecure women. The billion dollar cosmetic industry plays to those insecurities and does everything it can to make these women feel even more insecure. So that they will by more procucts.

 

One way it does this is to bribe the editors of the womens trash rags, it advertises in, to convince the readers that this or that is a sure sign that they are about to lose their man.

So that those readers will spend up big on enhancing sex appeal.

 

Sneaky advertising, dirty advertising, and I can see the pain of insecurity in half the posts on these boards.

[Outcast]

The real problem here is a bunch of insecure women. The billion dollar cosmetic industry plays to those insecurities and does everything it can to make these women feel even more insecure. So that they will by more procucts.

 

One way it does this is to bribe the editors of the womens trash rags, it advertises in, to convince the readers that this or that is a sure sign that they are about to lose their man.

 

You're so right. And, sadly, it works.

[sparticuss]

Ok then Nicci. Time to really take stock. And fair warning. This is going to hurt.

 

20months ago he decided to lead me to beleive he was some1 he isnt, he would tell me that i'm the only girl he ever wants to look at,

 

1st Issue.

If he had been honest with you. If he had told you he was less than perfect. If he had told you he was a good man and not a perfect one would you have still gone out with him.

 

Millions of women worldwide are so hung up on this myth of a perfect man that they will drop a guy who even turns up on a date unfashionably dressed. I've known as one who dropped her boyfriend when he turned up wearing a plaited belt. How shallow can these women get.

And these same women are so desperate for their perfect man that when a guy pretends to be perfect they desperately believe him no matter how obvious it is that he's lying.

 

 

He is a very sweet and lovely person anyway so it wasnt hard to beleive.

 

2nd issue. Is he still a sweet and lovely person. (forget his looking at other girls) Is he still a sweet person?

- Has he ever beaten you up

- Has he ever done serious drugs

- Has he ever committed a major crime. A jailable one.

 

NO?? Then he's still a sweet and lovely person.

You've actually got it pretty good. You have to understand that.

 

A few weeks ago i discovered all of the girls he's bin starin at on the internet, i was outraged,

 

Issue 3

If you are so outraged over something this petty what are you going to do when the police knock on your door Ref Issue 2

 

 

i felt lied to, betrayed, like i didnt evn know him.

 

Issue 4.

If you can't face the truth without being so outraged by something this petty then you will always be lied to.

Theres a T shirt in Australia that reads"Boys Lie" It's true. Boys do lie. Cause girls cant handle the truth.

 

 

My sweet (was actually extremely innocent b4 me), lovely boy was actuall every other man in the world. My issues with this was that i felt manipulated,

 

Issue 5

My issue with this is that you are an adult but you are still looking for the handsome prince found in little girls story books. He is every other man. Thats just the point. Your handsome prince is fictional.

 

, we dont feel good enough for our men, not adeqate if they feel the need to look at naked women, especially when he made me beleive that i was so beautiful to him that every other girl in the world is ugly through his eyes.

 

Issue 6

We men like our women loving, and horny, in that order. Beautiful is a long way back. Think about it.

 

Flying off the handle , getting "outraged" over something this petty is NOT loving. Raise the isue by all means but do not get "outraged". Thats the best way to lose your sweet loving man.

 

What do men think wen they're looking at the women?

 

Men aproach a good two legged chassis with the same admiration as a good four wheeled one. Admiration

 

But when a guy finds a girl sexy, is he thinking about sex?

 

No! Because he doesn't find her sexy. He finds her beautiful. A horny woman is sexy. A beautiful on is not sexy unless she is also horny.

 

 

 

or do u think he'll fabricate more things so it doesnt hurt as much?

 

Issue 7 he will fabricate more things because you are so paronoid, so fragile, so everything. What happened to Girl Power and Woman the stonger sex.? If you can prove to him that you are one of the few women in the world who can really handle teh truth without going AAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR over every last little thing then he will tell you the truth.

 

 

my major issue is now trust, as he's covered this up from the begininng, could he b covering anything else up?

 

Issue 8

 

Is it??????? I'm looking at you and I see a girl who's major issues are paronoia and the make up mirror. Not trust.

 

You said hes sweet to you. Time for you to be sweet to him.

[Toni_no12002]

well when my man loked at porn it made me feel down and hurt yea maybe i need to be more secure but it doesnt exactly help the situation if my boyfriend actually does care for me.Why should i have to feel like that?

 

Im working on getting more secure and getting more self esteem but i still dont reckon ill like porn.

 

well getting to the point! however much women say they dont like porn or it upsets them etc men will always dissagree.So they carry on doing it.If it upsets the women that much she has two choices either dump the man or stay with him.Either way it hurts and its not fair.

 

Considering the amount of women that are getting hurt from porn i think porn use is getting abit out of control.

Also most people nowdays have a full time job both men and women.If you think about it a full time job is say 39 hours that leaves not much time for each other so why look at porn when you can be with your partners or go out with friends.

[Outcast]

be faithful.

 

The issue is your understanding of what he's actually thinking and what you have decided constitutes 'infidelity'. They are your mental constructs and are changeable. You don't have to believe that looking at someone constitutes 'infidelity'. You just choose to. I choose not to.

[Toni_no12002]

Thing is and please outcast dont argue with me too much cos you know youll win lol.But it is your opinion and other people think differently.Most men seem to think in the same way as you do.

[mutton]

Oh, my, god. It is great and horrifying to see that there are women out there who see the "porn" issue exactly the same way as I do. It is even more odd that some of us seem to analyze it and what our boyfriends are doing with porn so similarily. Some of what the women wrote in here is exactly what had gone on in my mind almost word for word when I had a problem with the issue myself. And to be honest, I still do.

 

I was bought up in a household and made to believe that sexually explicit material was vulgur. Though my views have long changed with time, I still believe that porn is absolutely NOT required in a monogamous relationship with frequent satisfying sex.

 

For me, it is FINE to admire the fact that other people may be attractive as long as you're being respectful about it.

 

It may even be FINE for the guy to slightly fantasize about sex with other "imaginary" women. We are just human afterall and no one can really control the thoughts of another being. God knows that in whatever relationship we are in, those type of thoughts or fantasies crosses everyone's mind every so often. And what the hell, many of those celebrities are human themselves and have complicated problems in all their relationships as well, idolized yes. Yes, they may be "attractive", but only in a realistic way. A majority of those sexual images aren't completely real anyways and I swear that there are more beautiful, more "real" women out in this world. Being beautiful does absolutely nothing for long term relationships and it definitely isn't the deciding factor that makes the guy stay in the nest. If the guy is morally grounded to cheat, he's going to cheat no matter how beautiful you may be.

 

What is NOT FINE for me is pornography. Some of us, what you call "insecure" women were taught that our virginity and our body is something to be cherished and is beautiful. When we share our bodies daily with someone we love and who we believe loves us back, we are providing intimacy which goes well beyond the "physical" sensation of sex. When a man, not even a day after the forementioned activity, masturbates to pornography, I feel that it's a violation to that intimacy, and it makes the act of sex seem less sacred and more profane, ordinary and tasteless. The man can masturbate, but please, limit it to just "imaginary" fantasy and not full-blown images other women, horny and prostrate in front of him, because though almost equally equivalent, to some, it is an act of disrespect. A man does not know what the occasional women on the street looks like naked, but can only imagine. Seeking out pictures of real women that ARE naked is not a complete general fantasy, but the act of bringing fantasy to a higher more visually realistic level, seeking imagination with greater substance. When in monogamous relationship, the man needs to respect the emotional intimacy and sex that comes with it because its the only reason why so many of us even bother to have a boyfriend or husband.

 

Now, for some of us, it is disturbing to see how difficult it is to make our men give up on pornography, especially when they can get sex from us whenever they want. It is disturbing to see how intoxicated one man can be when it comes to images on a screen, something of which he has NO deep connection to. Is it that appealing just to see an image of a horny women, a shell which has nothing more in it? No laughter and no happiness? Why is it do you think that some women have a problem with pornography? When some men would rather give up the relationship than the porn?

 

Sex with a real human being is only thing in a relationship that keeps us from being "best friends" and that fact needs to be respected when it comes to monogamy. Pornography is complete contradiction to that. There is no intimacy, there is no substance, there is no relationship, it is only the opium for sexual thirst. Pardon the frankness, but we, who are there for you, are "horny" women too. But beyond that, we are also wonderful supportive people, full of emotions, intimacy, intelligence and substance and yet men are attracted to pornography like moths to a flame.

 

If a guy can't give up the porn for real sex, then no thanks, I'll find somebody else who can than be in a relationship in which sexual gratification is akin to an image on the screen. God bless the women who are not bothered by porn. But for the rest of us, we are who we are and certain compromises need to be made. We give you sex, you stop the porn. Because otherwise, we're just in a relationship to bear children and to fulfill the american dream and that's not enough anymore.

 

If you needn't be grateful for us not having the strong urges to have sex or "fantasy" sex with men on the screen, then we needn't be grateful to you for staying with us, bodily at least. Monogamy helps to keep a society together and even in polygamous societies, it's usually either multiple men are anchored to a single women or multiple women are anchored to a single man. We are not animals and by either the act of god or a miracle of nature, we became more than that, an organism capable of acting beyond thier basic instincts. From a sociological point of view, as observed by professionals, human nature is no longer a valid excuse for our acts because it is society and not nature that influences our actions the most. This is because humans are capable of overcoming their own instincts. This helps to render the idea that men or women need porn to remain faithful in a relationship ludicrous. Because as society has already indicated to us, the urge for men and women to procreate with multiple partners is no longer needed for our survival--and may even be harmful to its unity. However, the only reason this idea still exists is because of society!

 

If it is fine for men to love be attracted to other women, but it is not fine for them to require an outlet other than general masturbation--pornography--to satisfy their attractions while in a sexually active relationship. So please stop if your significant other is bothered by it. If men can say that human nature makes them want to have multiple partners, then woman can also say that it's human nature that makes us competitive, jealous, and want our men to stay solely with us, physically and mentally. And these days, it's sometimes not even about the jealously or insecurity! It's just about human decency and the respect for the giving body and personality of another human being who loves you. So please, have a care for our feelings in this topic too. Especially if you love the person whom you're committed to.

[Outcast]

Actually, it's psychology. Some people have studied it or read the books or worked on themselves. Others haven't. Most of what I'm saying you'll find straight out of Albert Ellis. The way you think affects how you feel. Change the thinking and you change how you feel.

[mutton]

Not really. Psychology is the study of individual behavior. But Sociology is the study of societies and how it can influence individuals as a group. Sociology is interesting because according to it, humans do not have instincts because behavior is now primarily learned through society. It also studies how monogamy is ultimately important to the well-being of our species because it helps to keep our society together. It also talks about the different trends that societies have. This helps to talk about the ideology of "human nature."

 

And I completely agree with you because in a way that's true. Humans are capable of changing the way they think because we don't function on a basic animal level, we're more complex than that. But if you've ever studied sociology as well, then you'll also know that societies have a large influence on our thinking and may even mold our opinions and values to what they are today.

[Outcast]

I feel that it's a violation to that intimacy, and it makes the act of sex seem less sacred and more profane, ordinary and tasteless.

 

But that is YOUR mindset, and so if you, believing what you believe, were to engage in porn then yes, you would be violating your beliefs. But if someone doesn't share your belief, it's not the same for him.

 

My response about psychology was to this:

 

Thing is and please outcast dont argue with me too much cos you know youll win lol.But it is your opinion and other people think differently.Most men seem to think in the same way as you do.

 

But the same holds true for you. It's the symbolism that you imbue both sex and porn with that causes you to come to the conclusions you have come to. However not all humans share your personal symbolism codes or beliefs and you're not entitled to demand that anyone do. What you do have to do is find someone who does share your belief exactly. You cannot foist your internal constructs on someone else.

 

And you're sure as hell not going to change society. Images of naked people have been around as long as there has been sex. The age of puritanism was an anomaly, actually.

[mutton]

That's exactly one of my points. As I've stated, god bless those women who just don't care. But as for me, I'll find somebody who does share the same ethical values that I have or is willing to compromise because pornography might not be a huge issue for them as it is for some men. Everyone is entitled to their emotions and the way they think, but in relationships, some compromise has to made esp. if the two people are adament about making it work.

 

There is a lot of symbolism that does come with sex, but everything in this world is just a set of symbols, set up to be interpreted differently. Yes, naked images of people have always been around and there has been times that nudity was not even seen as that big of a deal. Societies are constantly changing and with that, the norms and taboos are shifting as well. "Romantic" love is really just an idea made up by society and I accept that. Puritism is not just an analomy, but can be defined as a commonly occuring trend. What can be defined as an anolomy however, is the fact that a large amount of women in high-income countries are gaining footholds in society. Many of us are no longer financially restrained and that can explain the up-ward trend of women starting to speak up about their unhappiness in some relationships, which accompanies the upward trend of divorces as well. All of what I'm writing are statistically supported theories. Of course, combined with the greater freedom of thought and finances, there is also an upward trend of women who just don't care. With the increase of technology, societies have become more diverse than in the past, with an amount of women who are not dependent on men at all. Some of these women are not only financially sound, but are also capable of having a small family through in-vitro fertilization or adoption without the support of a man. In fact, because they are not encapusulated within a marriage, they can even be more promiscious than some men out there.

 

Families are changing as well as individual thought and action. Some women these days no longer see the need to compromise with men over what they feel are not acceptable. With that, some men are now willing and capable of changing in that fashion too. As you've mentioned, not everyone is going to agree with each other and it's true. Finding the one that agrees is also true.

 

The idea that I was trying to illustrate is that there are also women out there that care about pornography, but at the same time are realistic about a man or woman's attraction to other people. A society can function without pornography, but can not without some sort of emotional intimacy or what is equivalent to love, basically an interpretation of a family structure. All of use seek some either validation or some sort of connection to others, something ingrained very deeply in our psyches. One of the reasons that people suicide, other than mental disease, is the lack of their emotional connection to society or to others. It is unclear as to whether a man or a women will suicide for a lack of porn.

 

So it is no wonder that it's so disturbing to some women that certain men can get so possessed by porn enough to give up the real thing. Is porn really as insignificant as men make us think? Or is it just a recessed, almost hidden substitute for a relationship? Or are these men just unwilling to compromise? Any of these can be the case, but some require a more open-minded woman than others. You are one of those more open-minded individuals but unfortunately not everyone is like that. Remember, everyone makes their own decisions in a relationship and everyone makes their own compromises. Both women and men seem to give up something when involved. For those women whose exact need is for some men to give their porn then they need to find the one that's willing to do that. I don't think it's exactly a completely unreasonable request in the right situations. I can respect your opinions outcast, but can you respect mine?

[Outcast]

So it is no wonder that it's so disturbing to some women that certain men can get so possessed by porn enough to give up the real thing.

 

That disturbs everyone, even me

 

Two issues here: not all use of porn involves ceasing normal sexual relations. A lot of people report it enhancing them, in fact. Secondly, porn has become the scapegoat when too often the issue that needs to be dealt with is the marriage itself.

 

A lot of people can't have sex when the marriage isn't good - it's not just women. Men physiologically are aroused more often than women and it's an itch that needs scratching. So, not desiring sex with their partner because of the bad situation, they resort to porn. Then the spouses, rather than understanding the porn to be a symptom of a deeper issue, cast all their blame on the use of porn as the cause of trouble in the marriage. The end result is that the real issue is never addressed and a new issue is added.

 

A society can function without pornography, but can not without some sort of emotional intimacy or what is equivalent to love, basically an interpretation of a family structure

 

I hear a dichotomy here. I understand (intellectually) your desire to regard sex as the most intimate activity of all; but viewing a naked body does not equate to me with having sex. And therefore the two are not mutually exclusive IMHO. I understand that you don't feel that way but I don't share your reasons.

 

If it is fine for men to love be attracted to other women, but it is not fine for them to require an outlet other than general masturbation--pornography--to satisfy their attractions while in a sexually active relationship.

 

According to you.

 

If men can say that human nature makes them want to have multiple partners, then woman can also say that it's human nature that makes us competitive, jealous, and want our men to stay solely with us, physically and mentally.

 

Human nature is, in large part, instinct. Humans also developed reason which allows us to govern instinct. I believe every person must be reasonable. Wanting

our men to stay solely with us, physically and mentally

is not really reasonable. People on the whole don't operate that way. So it's kind of like insisting that 'our men' never blow their noses or some other equally unnatural thing.

 

Even if you told me and swore that you have never looked at another male human with admiration, I wouldn't believe you. You are as unable to adhere to an unreasonable standard as am I. And therefore I believe that we cannot demand of others that which is contrary to normal human behaviour.

So please, have a care for our feelings in this topic too. Especially if you love the person whom you're committed to.

 

Why does this never go both ways?

[She-Ra]

When we share our bodies daily with someone we love and who we believe loves us back, we are providing intimacy which goes well beyond the "physical" sensation of sex. When a man, not even a day after the forementioned activity, masturbates to pornography, I feel that it's a violation to that intimacy, and it makes the act of sex seem less sacred and more profane, ordinary and tasteless.

 

Now, for some of us, it is disturbing to see how difficult it is to make our men give up on pornography, especially when they can get sex from us whenever they want. It is disturbing to see how intoxicated one man can be when it comes to images on a screen, something of which he has NO deep connection to. Is it that appealing just to see an image of a horny women, a shell which has nothing more in it? No laughter and no happiness?

 

I agree wholeheartedly.

[She-Ra]

The man can masturbate, but please, limit it to just "imaginary" fantasy and not full-blown images other women, horny and prostrate in front of him, because though almost equally equivalent, to some, it is an act of disrespect. A man does not know what the occasional women on the street looks like naked, but can only imagine. Seeking out pictures of real women that ARE naked is not a complete general fantasy, but the act of bringing fantasy to a higher more visually realistic level, seeking imagination with greater substance. When in monogamous relationship, the man needs to respect the emotional intimacy and sex that comes with it because its the only reason why so many of us even bother to have a boyfriend or husband.

 

Actually, this part of the paragraph is great too!

[Outcast]

What about you? Why dont you just "change your thought processes"?

 

Because I've judged them against the standards of normalcy and find them to be reasonable.

 

Maybe its because men out there are being selfish and uncaring-seeking pleasure despite their partners pain.

 

I am never impressed by people who characterize entire groups of people with broad generalizations.

 

And as for changing society as a whole....that wouldnt have to be done. We'd only have to change half of society- the half with penises.

 

See above.

 

If you hadn't noticed, almost every single woman feels the same way about their boyfriend/husband watching porn.

 

Untrue.

 

It wasn't until I grew a backbone that I actually started standing up for myself.

 

People often mistake 'becoming aggressive' with 'growing a backbone'.

 

Its not OK to be constantly disrespected by the one man in this world who is supposed to be looking out for you.

 

It is you who believes that it is 'being disrespected'. Not me.

 

The fact that you fight so hard against it shows your own selfish and reliance on it.

 

No it means I think your points are invalid.

 

You dont want to give it up because you LIKE it. And you like it enough to disregard the reality of it.

 

Wrong again.

 

What did men do before the 80s when VCRs came out?

 

ROTFL!!!!! They bought Playboy and Hustler and went to the dirty little theatre downtown in the dark on a weekday. And before that, they had the Sears catalogue underwear section. And before that, they had photos and postcards. And burlesque shows. And before that, there were paintings and drawings. Not to mention the school or work 'easy' woman who'd 'help out' the guys who wanted a little extra. There's porn on cave walls. There's a whole museum of it they found in Pompeii. Other cultures have sexual religious ceremonies. This fear of bodies, lust, and sex is fairly new. In Shakespeare's time, there were live sex shows.

 

Only the sleeze bags visited the strip clubs back in the day.

 

No it was just that it was easier to hide because the men weren't home at the time.

[purtyinpink_11]

I totally agree loveheart59. You can't help but notice these girls now a days. I say they dress the way they do with their ass hanging out and their boobs in the air for one reason, to be noticed. And then people say we women that have these issues with our men "looking" are insecure?

[purtyinpink_11]

Niccigrl, I understand completely how you feel because I have struggled with this issue for a long long time as well. I hope the following will offer you some comfort and peace of mind.

I've been told by every man and woman out there that this issue is something that women just have to accept--that it's human nature.

But I could never accept it because I can't understand how a man cannot change. I can't understand it because I myself have no desire to look at other men other than my boyfriend--why can't he be the same?

 

I'm Christian, so I prayed about this, and I think I have received some answers. The fact is that the whole issue has to do with having good values. If you have good values, then you will place little importance on appearances. If you truly have good values, then the values would translate into your thoughts and you will not be impressed when you see a beautiful person. If you are not impressed by beautiful people, you will have no interest/curiosity to look at them. This means you will never initiate any motion to seek out beautiful people. If you happen to see a beautiful person by chance (not by your own will), you still would not be impressed by them and so would not get any satisfaction from looking at them. If you get no satisfaction, you will not keep looking. If you don't keep looking, you won't get aroused.

To me, this idea was such a relief to me! I discovered that the onus is on the man to change, not the woman to accept. And even if the man does not change, it is still so liberating to know that it is not your problem at all, that it has nothing to do with you. That's why so many men say that when they look at other women, it has nothing to do with the woman they're with. It's true! It's all about their values. So even if your man has trouble changing, at least you know that it's not you.

 

You know I've asked myself the same question over and over again and I was starting to believe that I was the only one who thought this way, and you joycewmho have just proved me wrong!!! Amen!

[purtyinpink_11]

I agree wholeheartedly.

 

And I do the same but THANK GOD that's one thing I don't have to worry about!!!

[She-Ra]

You know I've asked myself the same question over and over again and I was starting to believe that I was the only one who thought this way, and you joycewmho have just proved me wrong!!! Amen!

 

Thank you, purtyinpink. I'm glad to be of help. That's the good thing about a forum such as this. People can support one another and share ideas.

[High Contrast]

What did men do before the 80s when VCRs came out? What did men do before the internet? There is a big difference between nude ART and pornography. Men do not NEED porn--it is a recent occurence that came about with the ability to watch these things privately in your own home. Because it is SHAMEFUL to do so in public. Only the sleeze bags visited the strip clubs back in the day.

 

Are you kidding me? They got together in gangs and went raping and pillaging. Or they married 12 year old girls. Or took catamites. Or they saw whores and slept with their maids and their wives were powerless to complain. Yeah, and that's before penicillin, too! What sort of idealized Disney history are you reciting?

 

Your great-great-grandmother almost certainly was knocked up before she was 17. Historically you got it pretty darn good, since your men know from soap and have most of their teeth.

[High Contrast]

But the same holds true for you. It's the symbolism that you imbue both sex and porn with that causes you to come to the conclusions you have come to. However not all humans share your personal symbolism codes or beliefs and you're not entitled to demand that anyone do. What you do have to do is find someone who does share your belief exactly. You cannot foist your internal constructs on someone else.

 

I think these ladies know quite well that not all men share their views. What they can do is look for fellows that do. I don't understand why they're supposed to bend to your idea of 'reasonability', or why you're accusing them of foisting.

 

The problem occurs -- and this is the original poster Niccigirl's issue -- when someone lies about themselves to ensnare a romantic partner, and then sneak around living a double life. They're cheating themselves and the other person too.

 

Niccigirl's post isn't about porn. It's about character misrepresentation.

[Outcast]

I don't understand why they're supposed to bend to your idea of 'reasonability',

 

What's your idea of what's reasonable? Would an insanely jealous woman who lost it every time you spoke to someone else be reasonable? Or someone who got in fits if your eyes strayed to another woman in a crowd? Where do you draw the line?

 

And Nicci wanted to know whether men actually lust after the women they see online to the extent that it draws their lust from their SOs. She, at least, asked men what they were thinking when viewing porn rather than just assuming that it's 'cheating' or that they prefer the images to her.

 

yet still says i'm the sexiest and my breasts are perfect.

 

but still she feared he wasn't being honest and preferred others to her.

It's about being scared the man will love the person in the picture instead of you - which IMHO dishonours the men by making them out to be shallow and stupid.

[High Contrast]

What's your idea of what's reasonable? Would an insanely jealous woman who lost it every time you spoke to someone else be reasonable? Or someone who got in fits if your eyes strayed to another woman in a crowd? Where do you draw the line?

 

I'm not sure if reasonability is a useful concept to use with other people besides ourselves. Or with people whose opinions and values differ. Such a freakishly jealous woman thinks she's being perfectly reasonable. Let's see you convince her otherwise. She should find a blind man. God knows, if she grows old never finding a man who puts up with her nonsense, she'll won't get a reality check. She'll simply become a bitter old spinster who despises men!

 

And Nicci wanted to know whether men actually lust after the women they see online to the extent that it draws their lust from their SOs. She, at least, asked men what they were thinking when viewing porn rather than just assuming that it's 'cheating' or that they prefer the images to her.

 

She wanted to know that because she's trying to rationalize staying with a man who turned out to be different than the visage she fell in love with. This is known as the fallacy of sunk costs in economics.

 

but still she feared he wasn't being honest and preferred others to her. It's about being scared the man will love the person in the picture instead of you - which IMHO dishonours the men by making them out to be shallow and stupid.

 

There is no doubt that some crappy self-esteem is at the root of it. But she thought she was getting a man who happened to be compatible with her poor self-esteem.

 

Is reasonability going to motivate her into improving her self-esteem? What would motivate her to reasonability at this late date? Better she should find a man that doesn't like porn.

[Howdy]

 

Even if you told me and swore that you have never looked at another male human with admiration, I wouldn't believe you. You are as unable to adhere to an unreasonable standard as am I. And therefore I believe that we cannot demand of others that which is contrary to normal human behaviour.

 

 

Sorry Outcast, but theres a BIG difference between simply admiring something you see and seeking something out specifically for sexual purposes (come on, it's not like the porn just walks by you, you have to choose to go find it.)