Weird Jealousy

[fairy_dust]

 

Been with my husband for 3 years and 10 months, over time he had, how can I put this? Informed me by somewhat bragging about his ex gf who is a singer/actress. As he tells me 'She has a music degree in which she is pursuing her masters....she sings so beautifully blah blah....she's this and that....'. She still emails him about what's going on with her life as she sends it to everyone she knows as well as stupid emails of 'What is she doing now and what's her favorite blah blah'. I talked with my husband about her getting in contact with him, ob boy the look on his face. Seemed defensive saying that 'He will not tell her, because she has a good heart'. I find that to be a piss poor end excuse. He just brings her up here and there out of no where. Asks me if he could talk about her, I told him I am jealous and I am not ashame nor will I hide that I am that way. I do not want to bring it up so much because I know that he will have a reason to push me away from him and all that. So I keep my jealousy to myself and suck it in knowing that she still emails him. Not sure if he emails her, at one time I asked him if he still loves her, he looked at me with awe and freaked and said to me 'Are you smokin' crack because thats not true'. I don't know anymore, to me this is killing me slowly inside and making me feel doubted of the future togeather. I myself is musically inclined and I enjoy the arts but it seems he has reservations about me being involved. I feel it's because of his ex gf! He will not talk to me about pursuing anything he just leaves it all up to me to figure it out what the hell I want to do. Right now I want to leave him and be alone to do whatever I want. To where I do not have to stop singing because he doesn't pay attention or gives me vibes that it's reserved for his ex. He is a good man but this is bothering me and people tell me it shouldn;t but it does! He leaving me hanging as time passes I grow to resent him for his reservations. Especially his ex! Need advice or opionos please.

[agnf666]

Honestly, I would be jealous too... He is bragging about this chick that is his ex- girlfriend to you... His wife...

 

Maybe he doesn't realize that he brings her up alot. I think you need to have a talk with him. Tell him that you have been thinking about somet things lately. Tell him how you feel about the whole thing. You guys have been Married for almost 4 years... Don't let this chick ruin a good thing. Maybe that will shed some light on your problem.

[blazer]

Try just stepping outside the situation for a minute. Why do you think he brings up his ex gf? Is it because he is trying to get attention from you? He probably knows it upsets you, and maybe it reassures him that you really do care about him. I'm not trying to make excuses for him. I just think it will help you put your feelings in perspective if you could understand his intentions. Of course, I think you should not hold your emotions in. It's not healthy to suppress your feelings until they are ready to erupt. Instead, plan in advance to sit him down and talk to him, not during a time where he just brought up his ex and you have been triggered by your hurt feelings. Pick another time when you are alone together and you have his complete attention. Tell him that it hurts you when you hear about his ex. Ask him how he would feel if you brought up your ex all the time. And if he still doesn't get it. Then just tell him even if he doesn't understand your feelings, could he just do something loving towards you and not discuss his ex gf anymore. Also, try talking about your marriage, is he happy? Are you happy? Try to talk together about what has created this distance between you two. It really sounds as if you two have difficulty communicating with each other. Don't worry so much that telling him how you feel will drive him away!!

 

If you decide to work at your marriage, make some changes yourself and see what happens (because you can't change him, only yourself). First, you need to put those negative feelings about your husband out of your mind. When you hear yourself thinking negatively about your husband, think of something loving and positive about your husband instead. Also, suggest you spend some real alone time together. What did you used to do when you were first dating? How do you both enjoy spending time together? If you don't know, then experience something new together. Take a class, plant a garden, anything. Remember why you first fell in love with your husband, and do your part to rekindle those feelings again. And be patient, changes don't happen overnight. Just keep doing your part to work at your marriage. If it ultimately ends, at least you know you did everything possible to make it work.

 

Also, if you have ambitions. Then you need to pursue them yourself. Sure it would be wonderful to have a supportive friend, a caring husband to be there for you every step of the way. But ultimately only you can do this. If you worked at rebuilding your relationship, giving love to your husband in the ways that are meaningful to him, I'm hoping that he can do the same for you. I hope you don't give up on your marriage yet.

 

For more ideas, check out the link below (or just send your husband there :-))

http://www.relationship-advice-for-guys.com