Liliana Posted November 26, 2005 Share Posted November 26, 2005 Here's a little hypothetical situation for all you guys out there. I'd really appreciate what you think / what you would do! Suppose that a good friend who you have liked as potentially more than a friend for about two years finally plucks up the courage to ask you out, and you say yes. She seems really happy and positive with the situation. Sure, it's a little weird to begin with, but you find it easy to talk together so that resolves itself. Your new girlfriend is very supportive, listens to you, takes extra care over her appearance for you (to the extent that other people are now complementing her more than usual), is always, always, very affectionate and basically goes out of her way to be nice. By this I don't mean that she demands all your time, either. She's as busy as you are. Just I guess that, as well as having very strong feelings, she believes in putting effort into relationships. So, here's what I want to ask; there are two things really. Do you: Routinely ignore her because you're that busy working, not kiss her in three days (bearing in mind that this is the second week of the relationship), not ask her out a single time, never come looking for her unless by coincidence, never send messages to her during the day, never even consider not going to, say, squash one evening so that you can spend time together, etc, etc (i think we're getting the general idea here...)? And if so, why? Is it that she just made it all too easy by being the one who gave in and asked you out? Does her affection come across as too clingy? Do you perhaps just need more time? I have no idea what's going on! Just seems to be no point in being in a relationship when it seems we were much better as friends. PS: And, no, he isn't secretly gay Link to post Share on other sites
Neptune Posted November 26, 2005 Share Posted November 26, 2005 He`s just not that into you. Yes, you would probably be fine to be just friends if that worked in the past. But not likely anymore since you have had a romantic relationship. Your feelings would probably always be a factor. Link to post Share on other sites
daphne Posted November 26, 2005 Share Posted November 26, 2005 Liliana, It sounds like your expectations have gone entirely too high. The fact that you are asking this in a rhetorical fashion indicates that you are simply looking for reassurance to be upset when in actuality you are being a little unreasonable. Imo. If you are disappointed with the way things are going, back off and see if he gravitates towards you. Honestly though, the female being the aggressor in the relationship completely changes the dynamics of things and not necessarily in a good way. If a man didn't pursue to get into it, they're not going to pursue afterwards. He figures everything's cool with you. But you're juicing oranges trying to get pomegranite juice. If you suspect you're being too clingy, chances are you are. Back off and lead your life and see waht happens. Try to back off those expectations because I assure you, if left unchecked it'll ruin the relationship. Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
Author Liliana Posted November 26, 2005 Author Share Posted November 26, 2005 I'm really not just looking for an excuse to be upset, just trying to establish what is the 'norm', so I can decide what to do (or not) next. I don't think it's unreasonable to expect someone's attention if he really does like you. So I was arriving at the conclusion that, as Neptune said, he's just not that into me. I was on the point of going to him and saying I just don't think it's working out, perhaps we should just go back to friendship. Good idea? I mean, if he does have feelings then I guess he'd at least try to convince me to stay with him (right)? Link to post Share on other sites
Neptune Posted November 26, 2005 Share Posted November 26, 2005 Liliana, It`s been said that women fake orgasms but men fake relationships. It you put his back against the wall it may be that he reassure you. Maybe even shape up for a while. But, if his feelings were there, his actions would show it......especially in a new relationship. Again, he is just not that into you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Liliana Posted November 26, 2005 Author Share Posted November 26, 2005 Yay, well not exactly, but I am filled with a huge sense of relief. I went and talked with him and we agreed that it just wasn't working out this way. But the conversation went so much better than I could have hoped - I am going to miss him as a boyfriend I could talk to, but I really feel that our friendship has improved now! Anyway, thanks both of you for the advice. Link to post Share on other sites
Humbledog Posted November 26, 2005 Share Posted November 26, 2005 You said, " trying to find the established norm" There is no established norm... Good luck!!! Link to post Share on other sites
daphne Posted November 27, 2005 Share Posted November 27, 2005 Liliana, I'm glad you talked about it. Now you can move on. Also, it validates your feelings that he wasn't as into you as you'd want him to. I really do believe in the waiting for a guy to pursue because you don't have to worry as much about whether he's into you. They show you by taking that risk to ask you out and continuing to pursue to keep you. I wish you the best of luck Link to post Share on other sites
nextel Posted November 27, 2005 Share Posted November 27, 2005 i wish you good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
mini696 Posted November 28, 2005 Share Posted November 28, 2005 I wish my girlfriends were like you. No I wouldnt act like that, I am usually the "clingy" one -if you want to call it that-. Link to post Share on other sites
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