whatdoIknow Posted November 26, 2005 Share Posted November 26, 2005 Okay, I can't sort this out on my own, so I thought it may not hurt get opinions from others. Here's the situation... I've known this girl for a while now, we work together (different departments, I'm not her boss or anything...) and we're really good friends..(and that may be the problem..). She was in a relationship for quite sometime (like, over a year) but it didn't work out and ended badly. We used to hang out socially before, but about a year ago I started having feelings for her, and sort of started paying more attention to her. Pretty soon, it evolved into a full blown..."I really like her"...mindset. Now, during all this time, we have been hanging out, doing friend things, nothing serious. A few months ago, I finally decided to be honest and told her how I felt (yeah..call me a wuss). Her response was "I'm not ready for a relationship....". Now, I know, she hasn't dated anyone since her last relationship (almost 2 years ago), and her breakup was painful, so she may be telling the truth.. Well, it kinda went on like that for while, and we hung out doing "friend" things.. movies, bars etc. About 2 months ago..I finally told her that I'm ready for more. I guess, I just needed to know. Her response was, "What if it doesn't work out...then I'll lose a friend as well..". I said, "There's always a risk of that...but you'll never know until you try." So, since then the heat's gone up a lil bit, we spend a LOT of time together now, either at my pad or hers, we have been fooling around a lil bit (cuddling, me feeling her a lil bit..) but it doesn't seem to be going anywhere. We haven't even kissed! (I tried kissing her a while back, and she gave me the cheek, I guess the timing was off..) Everytime we meet, it's still the over the shoulder hug and the cheek...and the lil pat on the back..she doesn't get too close to me, when we go out in public, pushes me away when I try...and then cuddles with me at my pad..(although I initiate it EVERYTIME..not her) So, now that you have the background, what the hell's going on?? Is she for real? Is she just taking her time or being shy or just not into me?? Am I just her "emotional support?? fallback guy?? just a friend?? She still calls me almost everyday..I'm confused! help! Link to post Share on other sites
JayKay Posted November 27, 2005 Share Posted November 27, 2005 You are her 'guy friend' who makes her feel better. You provide emotional support, a kind ear and a shoulder to lean on. Other than that, she obviously does not have a romantic interest in you. I'd back off and seek greener pastures. In her mind, she doesn't think she is 'using' you because she's said things like "I'm not ready for a relationship" etc etc. She is justifying herself by saying, "He KNOWS we're just friends," etc etc The truth is, if she were interested things would have progressed by now. Young women do this, I am sad to say. Or....immature women do this. I have seen it over and over and over and over again. They keep 'men friends' around to bolster their egos and apply salve to their wounded souls. A little 'cuddling' feels good, but she's giving you a pretty firm message that that's as far as it goes. She just wants to be comforted. She doesn't want your love. The minute she meets a guy she has the hots for, you will be tossed aside like yesterday's laundry. Keep your dignity and back off emotionally and physically from her. If she calls you, be polite but tell her in a minute or two that you have to go. Become busy with other things. Don't assume the job of Friendly Mr. Fix It. Trust me on this one. You won't get a good return on this investment. Link to post Share on other sites
whatDoIKnow Posted November 29, 2005 Share Posted November 29, 2005 Well, but we did have the "talk" a few weeks back and she admitted that she DOES like me..but needed more time.. But I see what you're saying...I thought the same thing but since I really like her, I wanted to see if she felt the same. Damn.. Link to post Share on other sites
whatDoIKnow Posted December 20, 2005 Share Posted December 20, 2005 Update: So we kissed. It was a lil awkward..I think mostly because she was a lil unsure...There was a bit of groping involved, she didn't push me away, but was a lil hesistant in getting too intimate (you know what I mean..) Since then we've been hanging out a lot, she spends entire weekends with me, stands close to me in public, but is a lil hesistant to refer to me as her BF. what gives?? Link to post Share on other sites
seanryann Posted December 20, 2005 Share Posted December 20, 2005 Update: So we kissed. It was a lil awkward..I think mostly because she was a lil unsure...There was a bit of groping involved, she didn't push me away, but was a lil hesistant in getting too intimate (you know what I mean..) Since then we've been hanging out a lot, she spends entire weekends with me, stands close to me in public, but is a lil hesistant to refer to me as her BF. what gives?? I was surprised to hear this update. I didn't think she wanted to get that close to you. Hard to say what's going on. Things seem to be progressing (albeit maybe a little slower than you'd like) but they're progressing none the less. Keep riding it for a while, and see where it takes you. Link to post Share on other sites
barfool Posted December 20, 2005 Share Posted December 20, 2005 I have a hard time believing that she wouldn't be ready to date 2 years after her bad breakup. I'm wondering if maybe since you two are such good friends that the reason she is letting things progress at all is because she values your friendship. I think that if she really liked you as a potential mate then things would be progressing more quickly or before now and without hesitation. In this situation I would back off and resume the "good friend" role that you have until recently enjoyed. Let her make the next move and if she doesn't then you know where she stands. Link to post Share on other sites
Clone56 Posted December 21, 2005 Share Posted December 21, 2005 after 2 years does seam alittle weird however maybe she jsut extremelyl catious. The thing is if u start to back off she could start to wonder what is wrong and things could get nutty after that by her saying "see told you bad idea" I would sit down and talk to her about it one more time and get a answer from her on what she wants Link to post Share on other sites
whatDoIKnow Posted January 3, 2006 Share Posted January 3, 2006 Update: Things are going so well, it SCARES me! I'm keeping my fingers crossed! Link to post Share on other sites
JayKay Posted January 3, 2006 Share Posted January 3, 2006 I am surprised! It didn't sound like it would work, when I first read your post. Well, take things slow and see how it goes! Hope things work out for you! Link to post Share on other sites
whatDoIKnow Posted January 3, 2006 Share Posted January 3, 2006 I am surprised! It didn't sound like it would work, when I first read your post. Well, take things slow and see how it goes! Hope things work out for you! I know, me too. But I guess, things have a way of working out by themselves. Link to post Share on other sites
Ja5e Posted January 3, 2006 Share Posted January 3, 2006 Hey dude , congrats! I`m in the same position with a girl "friend" , the similarites to your situation are quite scary. I have`nt gone for the kiss yet though , but get all the other stuff. Hope it works out for you , hope the same for me. Go for it mate! Link to post Share on other sites
whatDoIKnow Posted January 3, 2006 Share Posted January 3, 2006 after 2 years does seam alittle weird however maybe she jsut extremelyl catious. The thing is if u start to back off she could start to wonder what is wrong and things could get nutty after that by her saying "see told you bad idea" I would sit down and talk to her about it one more time and get a answer from her on what she wants sorry, didn't respond to this before. we DID talk, and I think now we're both on the same page as to where this relationship is going. She just wants to take it a lil slow (not too slow..just a lil bit), me however wants to fire on all 8cylinders.... Link to post Share on other sites
whatDoIKnow Posted January 3, 2006 Share Posted January 3, 2006 Hey dude , congrats! I`m in the same position with a girl "friend" , the similarites to your situation are quite scary. I have`nt gone for the kiss yet though , but get all the other stuff. Hope it works out for you , hope the same for me. Go for it mate! good luck! hope it works for you! Link to post Share on other sites
whatDoIKnow Posted January 23, 2006 Share Posted January 23, 2006 I thought I'd post an update for the benefit of all who are/have been/will be in the same boat that I am. So. the heat's definately gone WAY up. we have literally spent every day of the last 2 weeks together. She's starting to get all warm and snuggly! Even her friends know about it now! I guess that's a positive sign! As I said, I'm keeping my fingers crossed....this may be the one... Link to post Share on other sites
JayKay Posted January 23, 2006 Share Posted January 23, 2006 YaaaaaaaaaY !!!! :D :D Link to post Share on other sites
Raindrop100 Posted January 24, 2006 Share Posted January 24, 2006 I fell in a similar situation before. This man that I knew for 2 months, gradually developed feeling for me after a few meeting and it was mutual. On the 5th meeting, he kissed me and it was quite intense and he said he's serious about me. But he said he's a busy man, with work, business and family. So he didn't meet me very regularly and that is his way. One Saturday when he was working overtime at office, I called him and he said he would meet me that evening even though he has an appointment with a dealer. So I waited half a day till evening and called him. To my surprise, he was on his way to a highland resort with his family recently returning from overseas and that it was a last minute decision. I felt disappointed and angry. For whatever reason he wanted to cancel the appointment, he should have phoned me. He said he was just too busy and forgot. Out of anger, I sent messenges to him to voice my displeasures (because the reception was quite bad at that time). After this incident, I have decided to call it off as I don't think I can put up with a busy man like him-have been late for appointments, cancel appointments for a few times. To me, he simply showed no respect to me at all. Two days later, he called. A few days later, my heart softened and started to talk to him again. But he said he sometimes felt he has a girlfriend but sometime felt he hasn't (I think the messenges that I sent to him bothered him a lot even though he denied). Can anyone tell me who I am in his eyes? Should I just call it off? Link to post Share on other sites
Mydish1 Posted January 26, 2006 Share Posted January 26, 2006 I thought I'd post an update for the benefit of all who are/have been/will be in the same boat that I am. So. the heat's definately gone WAY up. we have literally spent every day of the last 2 weeks together. She's starting to get all warm and snuggly! Even her friends know about it now! I guess that's a positive sign! As I said, I'm keeping my fingers crossed....this may be the one... your situation is exactly like mine. However we easily jumped into the kissing stuff quicker than you. The way my situation is different is we're not looking to be exclusive with each other. We did have the 'talk' and its good to communicate each other's wants. we're just good friends. however at times, i feel she can be quite selfish only catering her needs. But you should be wary of her true intentions. I dont believe guy and girl can be 'true' friends without having 1 person with a hidden agenda, all the female friends ive had in the past including this one has a hidden agenda. Make sure you know her true intentions because girls are good liars and good at leading guys on. All for the purpose of having their ego stroked. i believe ppl can attempt to be honest in a friendship, but no one is 100% honest. in addition....i would not advise you to see her every single day. Before you know it, you'll get bored of each other. A good LTR is one that sees each other 1x/2x a week. too much of a good thing can turn bad. Link to post Share on other sites
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