How to meet/date nice women?

[ShySmartGuy]

At the risk of sounding pathetic (but only being honest):

 

I'm looking for advice on how to meet a nice, stable, attractive woman who is interested in finding a stable, sweet, but also shy and quiet man. I am definitely not an extrovert, of average looks, and likely not as tall as most women would prefer (I'm 5'7"). I've been very successful in establishing my career; however, I do not play all the socio-political games that are part of most people's work environment. I just quietly do my job, avoid confrontation, and am not the type to always be tooting my horn about how great I am.

 

All my life I just sort of figured that if I built a successful career, established a nice home, stayed out of trouble, and acted as a nice person to other people, that sooner or later I would meet a woman who can appreciate who I am and what I have built in my life. But it has just never happened the way I thought it would.

 

I've had plenty of guys tell me that I need to "cultivate my inner a-hole", or have had women tell me that I need to adopt "an edgey attitude", or some other cooked-up formula. But even when I try, I have found that I cannot pull-off being someone or something I am not.

 

I see a lot of women "out there" who have so much drama in their lives, or they seem to want guys who have something "wrong" with them that needs "fixing". I am not interested in those kinds of women. I am seeking someone quiet, modest, accomplished, and into enjoying life's simple pleasures with a person who treats them with respect.

 

OK, this has been long enough. I would appreciate any thoughts or suggestions that anyone can send my way. Thanks a heap!

 

SSG

[Neptune]

Find an Asian woman. I don`t think such a species is found in the Caucasian variety:laugh:

[Outcast]

Where are you looking? At work only? In bars? Online?

[ShySmartGuy]

Where are you looking? At work only? In bars? Online?

Hi Outcast, thanks for replying. I tried the "at work" thing in my 20s. No luck, and when I saw other people dating people from work I saw how bad of an idea it turned out to be. I'm not much of a bar kinda guy. I like to drink beer and watch football, but I'm not the "smooth operator" who knows how to chat-up women. I've tried several different outlets online (several times at match.com, currently on eharmony), but I am decidedly underwhelmed with responses. Not even polite "no thank yous", just a lot of dead air. I guess it doesn't really surprise me, as I tend to be ignored everywhere in life... except if my work deadlines are not met... then I get lots of attention!

 

Any suggestions of where to try? Thanks again,

SSG

[Outcast]

What are your interests and hobbies? Are you into sports, politics, science?

[ShySmartGuy]

What are your interests and hobbies? Are you into sports, politics, science?

Well, 2 jobs keeps me pretty busy. When not occupied with them, I'm pretty much a home body. I like doing home projects, big and small. Currently buying some acreage and designing the ranch home I want to build on it. No other real "hobbies" beyond this. Guess I'm kinda Mr. 1 Dimensional?

 

SSG

[Outcast]

Yep. That's problematic both because it may make you less interesting to people but also because you have noplace to go to meet people. If you're not using the Internet, you have to meet people someplace so you need to join groups or go places where others with similar interests gather.

 

I know people who have met in dance lessons, hiking clubs, running clubs, political meetings, etc.

 

I'm thinking either you need to broaden your horizons, persist in hunting the 'net (and maybe don't expect the epitome of perfection in a woman) or join a church where you might find the sort of gal who thinks that being a homebody is her idea of bliss.

[centered]

Find an Asian woman. I don`t think such a species is found in the Caucasian variety:laugh:

 

That was uncalled for, and very mean-spirited. Racist, too. Other than that, what a terrific sense of humor you seem to have.

[Sloppy]

That was uncalled for, and very mean-spirited. Racist, too. Other than that, what a terrific sense of humor you seem to have.

Might be, but it's also very true (to a point....most of the guys cause the drama:))

[tinktronik]

I know quite a few men who have gone to church in search of a wife ,and only for this reason. I know of at least 6 men who have done this and 5 of them found their wives there.my grandpa met both his wives in church , my f-i-l met his wife there and several other aquaintences. I dont know how stable or sweet their wives really are but I think this is pretty common.

[ShySmartGuy]

Thanks again, outcast, and tinktronik. I've heard the "church" suggestion more than once. Without passing judgment, I wonder about the viability or even the sincerity of this. I am a man of science, and also an atheist when the question of a god is considered. I would not wish to mislead a woman into believing I would continue to attend church with her. But are there really women who attend church for no other reason than to meet men? Is so, that is an interesting revelation to me (no pun intended!). Thanks again, folks.

[ShySmartGuy]

Hi Neptune, thanks for the suggestion. Here in SoCal (near what I call "Hollowood") there are certainly a lot of asian women, but I find many of them have the same, somewhat shallow tastes in men as the other women in this area. I'd probably do better if I moved, but hey, the weather here is really great!

 

SSG

[tinktronik]

Thanks again, outcast, and tinktronik. I've heard the "church" suggestion more than once. Without passing judgment, I wonder about the viability or even the sincerity of this. I am a man of science, and also an atheist when the question of a god is considered. I would not wish to mislead a woman into believing I would continue to attend church with her. But are there really women who attend church for no other reason than to meet men? Is so, that is an interesting revelation to me (no pun intended!). Thanks again, folks.

 

There are lots of people who go to church to meet nice people to socialize with . Yes this is true . There are also lots of people who go to church to further biz interest in their communities . Its a social gathering place .

[Rickymoemoe]

I think the church suggestion is a extremely good one it is a good way to make friends and have a social outlet. However you being a Atheist is a bit problematic. I myself don't go to church because I don't believe that Jesus is the only path to god. Its not a popular belief among Christians to believe anything else is even a possiblity. Still there are plently of women who go to church that truely don't believe in the teachings of Jesus and such. Many women will proclaim their faith in Jesus but not follow any of his teachings leaving their beliefs ungrounded. You can always avoid talks about religion with any girl you meet. In fact I suggest it, its a personal hobby of mine to talk religion with people just to learn about them. Of course those who are religious will never give your beliefs any value. On the other hand you could join a local atheist organization and hope to find a good woman their.....good luck.

[Devildog]

SSG, the church idea is based on the notion that a woman who attends church regularly is the morally upstanding, faithful and devoted type of woman. Is this true? I dunno. But after my divorce my XW began regularly attending the church in the small community where she was running around with another man and flaunting her infidelity in everyone's face while we were married, so I don't exactly buy the church attending = good woman formula.

 

Perhaps what might offer you a better avenue would be to look into volunteer groups. Volunteers tend to be more of the compassionate type, caring.

[dgiirl]

Hey I want a guy like that! Come move here! I'm not into drama, and would love to have a guy who's responsible in his life. Someone who's not into playing games, either at work, or in his personal life. Sounds like you have all good attributes I would definitely like to have in a bf.

 

However, I have noticed that guys who say they are a "nice" guy tend to not be so nice. They're nice sure. Too nice. But it's because they want you to like them, so they over do their niceness. I dont know if this is what you are doing, but it becomes a little annoying after a while. That's possibly why your friends are saying you should become a little "a$$holish". Are you too easily manipulated? Can you stand up for yourself if you need to? Make sure you are being nice for the right reasons, because you want to, not because you expect something in return. And make sure you are not being taken advantage off. If you can do this, then you will display someone with self respect, and that's a major turn on

 

Besides that, maybe you are looking at the wrong type of girls Give us nice girls a chance too. We might not have as big of boobs or as nice a body as the other girls, but we do need nice men too

[Apex]

Hey I want a guy like that! Come move here! I'm not into drama, and would love to have a guy who's responsible in his life. Someone who's not into playing games, either at work, or in his personal life. Sounds like you have all good attributes I would definitely like to have in a bf.

The women who “don’t like to play game” seem to play games the hardest.

However, I have noticed that guys who say they are a "nice" guy tend to not be so nice. They're nice sure. Too nice. But it's because they want you to like them, so they over do their niceness. I dont know if this is what you are doing, but it becomes a little annoying after a while.

I like to call this boredom.

That's possibly why your friends are saying you should become a little "a$$holish".

I like to call this drama.

Are you too easily manipulated? Can you stand up for yourself if you need to? Make sure you are being nice for the right reasons, because you want to, not because you expect something in return. And make sure you are not being taken advantage off.

How many women like being put to the test?

If a man wanted a relationship, he would look for one. If a man wanted to tame a beast, he would become a lion tamer. He can at least keep the lion caged up.

If you can do this, then you will display someone with self respect, and that's a major turn on

A guy with self-respect would dump you in a heartbeat.

[Apex]

I've tried several different outlets online (several times at match.com, currently on eharmony), but I am decidedly underwhelmed with responses.

I tried the online test at eharmony, and I actually beat the system. Zero matches if you can believe it.

I guess it doesn't really surprise me, as I tend to be ignored everywhere in life...

Sounds like you lack vitality.

Elvis was a bland guy offstage, and an exciting fun guy onstage. Maybe some good dance moves can help.

Master small talk because women love to talk.

Try to add a little more emotion to your conversations and body language. Women tend to be very emotional.

I see a lot of women "out there" who have so much drama in their lives, or they seem to want guys who have something "wrong" with them that needs "fixing". I am not interested in those kinds of women. I am seeking someone quiet, modest, accomplished, and into enjoying life's simple pleasures with a person who treats them with respect.

You sound like you are after the content woman.

The content woman is the most difficult woman to attain because she is in her comfort zone. A relationship will threaten that comfort zone so unless you can guarantee something better, you don’t have a chance. Maybe you would have better luck if you were rich like Bill Gates.

Your best bet is a woman with a need you can satisfy. Preferably, an emotional need.

[Apex]

I know quite a few men who have gone to church in search of a wife ,and only for this reason. I know of at least 6 men who have done this and 5 of them found their wives there.my grandpa met both his wives in church , my f-i-l met his wife there and several other aquaintences. I dont know how stable or sweet their wives really are but I think this is pretty common.

Maybe it is common in Texas, but I haven’t seen it.

Most of the available women I come across despise the Church.

[a4a]

Perhaps what might offer you a better avenue would be to look into volunteer groups. Volunteers tend to be more of the compassionate type, caring.

 

Great suggestion Devil!

Of course OP should volunteer in organizations that he truly believes in.

I don't think the Church route is the best way to go unless you have a belief in common regarding the religion itself.

 

Just by making yourself more available to possible encounters will help. But I would not do things that you truly have no interest in or are against in your core beliefs.

 

a4a

[michaelk]

The OP and I have a lot in common. I'm a pretty smart guy, tend to be reserved with women, and most of my interests are not social ones. In my experience, I've usually met women through work, school or friends. Or maybe a neighbor, back when I lived in an apartment. But you (like me) are definitely limiting your opportunities.

 

If you're such a smart guy, you must have some interests other than work and home. I can't believe you are so one-dimensional, because your brain needs stimulation! You MUST have interests! Maybe they're not naturally social ones, e.g. reading, science, math. But there have to be local interest groups you can join.

 

The earlier suggestion of volunteering is great. If you're not into social causes, then volunteer at a local art or science museum (there are plenty where you live). I know all of this takes time and effort, and you already work two jobs, but you have to be willing to make the investment if you're really serious.

 

One thing I would NOT do is use church as a way to meet people. I'm agnostic myself, and I think the church suggestion is 1) hypocritical, and 2) certain to hook you up with a woman who doesn't share your belief system.

 

Hope this helps.

[LexiB]

You're in cali so you can take advantage of this pretty much year round ~ try sitting outside during your lunch break. Don't know where you work but over here in Midtown (during the spring and summer) everyone's outside around 1-2pm...sitting on steps of office bldgs, in parks, public areas, etc. It's generally pretty easy to meet ppl this way especially since many ppl take their lunch breaks solo...

 

just an idea but a nice day + loneliness/boredom can make for friendly conversation b/w strangers

 

...if all else fails try the library ~ you could find a few cuties there

 

Good Luck!!

[dgiirl]

A guy with self-respect would dump you in a heartbeat.

 

Thanks. You're too kind

[Apex]

Thanks. You're too kind

I'm just saying your test-based strategy is self-defeating.

Study the animal in its natural environment.

[dgiirl]

Well, the animal you are talking about is a wolf. I'm not interested in wolves. And you are right, the wolves WILL dump me. And that's perfectly fine by me, cos they can play together. But that's not self respect they are displaying, it's arrogance. The op isnt a wolf and I dont think he needs to become one just to get girls. We're not all lumped up into one group. We all have different tastes. One method might work on one girl, but not on another. You just have to ask yourself what type of girl do you really want?