What is it like for the Dumper?

[Tricia]

 

I know how alone,empty,deceived,and betrayed I feel.How does he feel.I know none of U can tell me what my H is thinking but what does research show.He had to tell our kids he was leaving,for the 2nd time in 11 yrs,I seen him cry.

If you have read my story,he says he loves me,but he is leaving.Love isn't everything,that kinda stuff.How can he sit there with no respomse when my heart is being ripped out,all he does is see me cry and does nothing.It seems very easy for him to walk out on me,it's the kids he is having a hard time with.

Does a man that is so adiment(sp) on leaving,ever change his mind an realize he does love his woman,he made a mistake and return to his family?If so,how long does it usually take?If it's not done in what time frame am I to give up all hope?

As U can see I have mant ?'s

Thanx again,Blond

[slubberdegullion]

Love isn't everything,that kinda stuff.

Like many people, he's confused the emotion of love with the decision of love. It's very common.

 

How can he sit there with no respomse when my heart is being ripped out,all he does is see me cry and does nothing.

If all he sees is you crying, then it's quite possible that he's simply had enough of it. Same thing happened to me with the breakup of marriage #2 - she cried all the time (not about the marriage breakup, but about pretty much everything else:eek: ) and after a while I simply got tired of the tears and ranting and all the rest. So, instead of trying to comfort her (which never worked anyway) I simply refused to respond. I don't know if this is what's happened in your case, but it wouldn't surprise me.

It seems very easy for him to walk out on me,it's the kids he is having a hard time with.

I assure you, it's difficult on him too. But to show that to you might, to him, be a weakness. It's not right or healthy, but that's probably what's happening.

Does a man that is so adiment(sp) on leaving,ever change his mind an realize he does love his woman,he made a mistake and return to his family?

Yes, it does happen. BUT... and this is a huge caveat... it's not something you can count on. You have to live your life too, and pining for him won't do you or the kids any good at all.

If so,how long does it usually take?If it's not done in what time frame am I to give up all hope?

Give yourself permission and the time to grieve the loss. He may or may not return, but it's healthy to fully feel the feelings and move on when it's time. It may be a few months, it may be a year, I don't know, it depends on your own resources.

 

BTW... are you near Pensacola?

[debilou]

I'm very sorry for your pain. It's the worst. Have you heard of http://www.marriagebuilders.com? It's full of answers to all your questions. I'm in the same boat as you. Feeling completely broken hearted and my stbxh left 13 months ago.

 

He did a lot of head games with me and still would if I allowed it.

 

Good luck and know you're not alone.

 

Debilou

[scobro]

Feeling completely broken hearted and my stbxh left 13 months ago

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uh oh...... I was hoping it would all be a distant memory in 13 months.I guess it is not the case for everyone

[Tricia]

Yes,I do live near P-cola.I was born an raised there.I moved about 20 miles away to be with the man in question.I mayb moving back,it is where I consider home:D

Have U been there?Tricia

[slubberdegullion]

No, I never lived there but I've been there. It was many years ago, though. However, there's a good chance I'll be in that area - Gulf Breeze, actually - sometime in early January.

[dgiirl]

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uh oh...... I was hoping it would all be a distant memory in 13 months.I guess it is not the case for everyone

 

I think everyone's situation is different. If you share kids and are in constant contact, it's harder to let things go. Especially if you were trying to reconcile or your exh keeps pestering you.

 

I'm going on 10 months now, and this week has been the first week where I can truely honestly say that I'm indifferent. Usually whenever I see or have contact with my exh (which is usually within 12 days), I relapse. I just saw him last monday, and something clicked inside of me. As he was leaving, I thought to myself that was probably the last time I'd ever see him, and I thought to myself I should say goodbye, then thought f*** it and just walked away. And he wasnt going to say goodbye to me either. Unfortunately, I forgot something in the yard so I had to walk back, and he then said goodbye to me which i replied "yep, bye".