in DESPARATE need of HELP! please!

[laura]

hi, i have a problem. i met this guy last summer and i totally fell for him, but he had a girlfriend so nothing ever happened, after the summer we kinda kept in touch on the internet for a bit, but then we had this fight and basically haven't spoken since, i mean we were never really "friends" or anything for us to makeup. i mean we barely knew eachother, i would just IM him every once in a while, just so he'd remember me. (by the way his gf has dumped him so he's single, just thought i'd mention that). anyways, my problem is that i still, to this day, like this guy. in fact, i think i'm pretty much obssesed with him, and a lot of the time i think i'm in love with him.

 

how pathetic is that?! it's been a whole year and i still think about him all the time! what should i do, every time i feel like i'm over him, i'll bump into him somewhere by accident and it'll all start over again. sometimes i even think that he's my soulmate and that we'll get married and stuff like that. i know in my head that it's all ridiculous especially since he's going off to college in the fall, but i can't seem to get over him. please help me, what can i do?

 

thanks so much.

[Tony T]

Call him or Email him and let him know that you are very interested in getting to know him better. If he rejects you, that will go a long way to letting you forget him. If he's open to it, you can see him for a little bit this summer...then he'll go off to college and find another girlfriend and that will be that.

 

The only way you're going to get him out of your system is for him to somehow reject you or for you to clearly know that nothing is going to happen between you and him.

 

Your mind cannot tell the difference between that which is real and that which is imagined. As long as you think this guy is your soulmate, it may be very hard for you to meet someone else and have a conventional, fulfilling relationship.

 

Do whatever you can to contact this guy, get everything out in the open, and resolve things one way or another so you will clearly know what your chances are with him.

 

Sometimes we become obsessed with someone who is unattainable because we fear involvement with someone who IS attainable. If that's what you're doing, counselling may be called for.

[Ernie]

Get over him! Sorry Laura, but I recently went through something similar. I met a lady on line, we chatted everyday for 6 months, I mean everyday!! She tells me early on "I'd never hurt you (My Name)!" But guess what? She did!

 

I was devistated! She actually, in the next breath turned her attention to another guy! What the hell was that?? I am still not over this woman. Falling for someone over the internet is easy to do! Especailly when you've been chatting for a long time! My point is, distance, makes the difference. Long distance relationships never work. One or the other has to make a move, and that's not easy! So...in light of that, get over him. It's not going to be easy. I'm not yet over the lady I fell for! So I know! ~Ernie

hi, i have a problem. i met this guy last summer and i totally fell for him, but he had a girlfriend so nothing ever happened, after the summer we kinda kept in touch on the internet for a bit, but then we had this fight and basically haven't spoken since, i mean we were never really "friends" or anything for us to makeup. i mean we barely knew eachother, i would just IM him every once in a while, just so he'd remember me. (by the way his gf has dumped him so he's single, just thought i'd mention that). anyways, my problem is that i still, to this day, like this guy. in fact, i think i'm pretty much obssesed with him, and a lot of the time i think i'm in love with him. how pathetic is that?! it's been a whole year and i still think about him all the time! what should i do, every time i feel like i'm over him, i'll bump into him somewhere by accident and it'll all start over again. sometimes i even think that he's my soulmate and that we'll get married and stuff like that. i know in my head that it's all ridiculous especially since he's going off to college in the fall, but i can't seem to get over him. please help me, what can i do? thanks so much.

[Miss Mojo]

hi laura,

 

i'd have to agree that it certainly does sound like you are obsessed with this guy. i certainly feel that a great deal of this obsession stems from what you *believe* him to be or *want* him to be in your eyes. you're more than likely in love with the IDEA of him.

 

you hardly know this guy. what you have is a major CRUSH. he is definitely not your soulmate, because if he was, you wouldn't have had this falling out and you would be very close companions by now. you sometimes feel that he could be your soulmate because you want him to be....but he's not, hon!

 

you need to realise that this guy is not all that. i know how hard it is to get over a person, but you're wasting precious energy on a guy who you were never even closely involved with. i think you need to take a more realistic stance where men are concerned and i think this should be done *BEFORE* you get involved with a guy oneday. i'd hate to see how you would react if things didn't work out with a guy you were closely involved with.

 

i would recommend that you try to restrain yourself from falling too hard too soon and don't view each guy you have a crush on as a potential soulmate because they sure as hell won't all be! the guy who will be your soulmate, will be the last boyfriend you ever have (hopefully). just enjoy crushes for what they are, and don't don't pin everything on one guy. it's not healthy.

 

good luck!

 

p.s. and get out there, have a good perve, and strike up some good conversations with some good guys!