caring guy Posted November 28, 2005 Share Posted November 28, 2005 Dear all I am engaged to my fiance for of 18 months & i also suffer from very bad anxiety/depression. I also drank until July & sober since then. I moved in with my fiance who has 2 kids & has just started Uni & is very busy. 2 weeks ago, out of the blue my anx/dep returned & it was horribly overwhelming. I am on medication & seeing a psychologist. This illness causes insecurity, emotional outbursts,immaturity, paranoia & is like a huge dark cloud 24/7. I love her dearly but i found it very difficult at this time to carry out daily tasks like choirs & my own college. I needed to be on my own to try & get well & i thought i was being a burden on her. I went to visit a relation & felt no better & realised what she said was true about me running away from my problems of facing my illness. I just felt helpless around the house at a time when she needed me most & i embarrasingly ran, needed to be away from any responsibilitys & the real world & i feel so ashamed & embarrased, i was wrong. We rowed a lot & on the phone my relation stuck up for me & said that her lack of understanding made me worse & the fact that i felt pressured & i couldn't handle reality at this point, which was true. They argued too & that didn't help! I'm ashamed of what i did, but i did it! My doc said that maybe the weather, the change in my lifestyle, increased commitment to her kids & responsibility that i wasn't used to were to blame, but i shouldn't have run, but i did. I did it as to be out of her hair & not a burden on her, i even missed a surprise trip away for a birthday present i'd arranged i felt so bad! She now tells me she doesn't want to see me again & i'm devastated, i'm worse because of this. She understands my illness, but can't sympathise, as she's understandably busy. She told me to sort myself out & was in my view unreasonable sayng that i needed to pull my finger out! I do feel selfish that i just up & leaft, i feel ashamed that i did this & she called me weak & pathetic. She won't answer my texts, my calls & says she don't want to see me anymore! Is this just initial anger & when the dudt settles will she be ok! We always said that we would never split because we always talk things & problems over, i've put this to her, but nothing! What can i do, i don't want sympathy, just my baby back who i love so much & i know she loves me, but my illness sometimes makes me very needy & insecure, but i've not had a bout of this for nearly a year & i stopped drinking as i thought this was a good idea for all aspects of my health. We're both 30. Any advice please & should i wait for her to contact me! I was so upset, i inundated her yesterday with texts & i'm sure it annoyed her, as i didn't get one reply, i just feel that all we been through, bad times we've had & good times can't just go out of the window for a stupid mistake i admitedly made! CG Link to post Share on other sites
JS17 Posted November 28, 2005 Share Posted November 28, 2005 We always said that we would never split because we always talk things & problems over, i've put this to her, but nothing! You up and left instead of talking throug your problem with her. I understand anxiety and depression. I don't know if she was understanding or not but you have broken her trust. Put yourself in her shoes. If she just up and left you one day what would you do? How could you be sure that she wouldn't do it again? People make mistakes but sometimes the mistakes are too big for the relationship to be fixed. I'm really sorry that you're hurting and I hope things do work out for you. Maybe she will be able to put this behind her and take you back one day. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author caring guy Posted November 28, 2005 Author Share Posted November 28, 2005 Thanks We did talk of it a lot & that i could do what i needed to do, but it just got so intense, i needed to escape to my safety zone! It is a sad pathetic answer, she couldn't run as she has kids, or should i say 'we' as i took them on! At her time of need when her life was so busy, i bottled out!, i may sound self pittying, but i just wanna get back with her & she thinks i'm immature, i was, what more can i do! I'm still feeling anxious, but it's now not for no reason, it's escalated by this! I just wanna go back in time. Lifes learning process is never ending, but i do learn & don't do again! Link to post Share on other sites
JS17 Posted November 28, 2005 Share Posted November 28, 2005 I really don't know how to help you get her back. Maybe she just needs time to cool down. How about making sure she knows you'll be there when she's ready? You do need to calm your anxiety though. Now might be a good time to increase your dose of medication since you're in crisis mode but you should talk to your doctor before you do anything. Link to post Share on other sites
JayKay Posted November 28, 2005 Share Posted November 28, 2005 Well, if you ran out on her, she has probably closed off emotionally to you for some time. I don't know if it's permanent or not. Don't forget, she's not just protecting herself...she's protecting her KIDS. They may have developed an emotional attachment to you too...and when you ran out, that probably affected them. Even if they didn't have an attachment, she doesn't want to be with a future step-parent who is going to devastate and hurt her kids. She may have decided you are not parenting material. I am so sorry your anxiety and depression are so crippling. For now, focus on your recovery. THat's really all you can do. As long as you are ill with this, you cannot be strong and solid for her. Maybe in time, as she sees you are very seriously working on recovery, she will be willing to sort things through. Link to post Share on other sites
Author caring guy Posted November 29, 2005 Author Share Posted November 29, 2005 Thanks all I feel that my anxiety makes me unstable, not violent or schizo, but moody & emotional:lmao: Stability is what she wants & for a while is what i was. I didn't run away because i didn't care, i ran because it's the 'fight or flight' situation, it was my illness rearing it's head & i maybe bit off more than i could chew at that time in the relationship. I understand how she felt about not wanting her kids to be hurt & i never would, but how she treated me by diggs at me & making me feel worse & i was scared of confrontation with her whilst i was anxious because of possible conflict at that time. Maybe my recovery was to face my demons of what i'm not used to, a close responsible commited life!, now that seems to have gone. Link to post Share on other sites
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