Blue too long . . .

[Exile]

I met my boyfriend over a year ago. He seemed to be an ambitious, vibrant person who enjoyed getting out and doing a variety of fun things on the weekends. I was attracted to him because he seemed to be in control of his life, and seemed to have achieved a certain level of success. As a young professional woman, this appealed greatly to me. I thought he was the One.

 

After about a month, he had to cut back spending due to a new job situation (in sales its all about your book of business). He spiraled into a depression, and drank a lot and sometimes smoked pot. I tried to bring him out of it, but any improvement in mood has been false - him pretending to be happy. His financial situation got so bad that his car was repossessed and he had to leave his apartment because he couldn't afford the rent any longer. I paid to get his car back, and allowed him to move in to my house, since he waited too long to address the situation and he had no where else to go.

 

Since then, we have had a very superficial relationship, we rarely if ever go out, and I can't remember when we last had sex. He continues to be in a depression. I went through a difficult career rift as well, and since then I have made changes to improve my situation. Last weekend, I asked him to call a doctor and address his depression. He agreed, and I didn't bring it up again until today, when I asked for an update. He said that he would deal with it in his own way. I asked what he had done, then. He hadn't done anything and that it wasn't a priority.

 

I care for him, but there is little left of the man I fell in love with. He has gained a lot of weight, and sometimes doesn't get dressed on the weekends at all. He doesn't seem to want to do anything but drink beer and play computer games. I am generally a strong, independent person, and yet can't seem to muster the strength to evict this man from my home or my life. I demand better from my work life and from my friendships than this person is willing to provide. What is wrong with me?

[Buckeyegal]

You say this guy totally changed after only a month into your relationship? Don't take offense, but how well can you really know someone, let alone be in love with after only a month? Who knows, maybe he put on a good act that first month, but after he sucked you in, he let his true colors be known.

 

Obviously your unhappy with the situation, if you really feel that you still love him, have a serious discussion with him. Is he really suffering depression? If so, tell him that you'll be emotionally supportive of him providing he seeks professional help. Or is that he's drinking and getting high too much? Where's he getting the money? He can't afford rent or a car payment, yet he can afford his booze and pot? Sounds like he needs to straighten out his priorities here.

 

You're in control of the situation, if he either can't or doesn't want to change, then show him the door. He sounds like a moocher.