Can't let go of my ex - still love her

[Resilient 1]

This is my first time writing on this site so I'll try to make it as short as possible...

 

Me and my ex split over a year ago however we have been doing all the things couples do up until 3 mo. ago. We split over my regretful mistake of sleeping with someone else while we were on a break. I also lied to her about it among other things and having backstabbing friends didn't help either. Over the past year I have done everything I can to try to reconcile with her. I have stopped lying, been totally devoted to her and realized she is everything to me. We spent about 90% of our time together throughout the year, showing affection to each other and I was still spending the night at her house. We still went through bad times but we were still there together. She told me that we would never get back together though. Well about 3 mo. ago she met someone else. They have been together ever since. I was soo angry and hurt at first and tried to make her feel guilty for moving on.. I know it was wrong but I needed her. .she was like air to me.. I couldn't breathe. She wants me to be her best friend still. It is so difficult knowing I am not that special person in her life anymore. Knowing that my efforts, just my presence wasn't enough from preventing her to move on. She sometimes gives me confusing signals like she doesn't know what she wants, she needs to find out by going out with this guy whether she should move on or not? She later says she didn't mean getting back with me. She also has said that her feelings for me are uncomparable to the way she feels about anyone else right now. She later said that meant I was the closest person to her. Everytime I talk about her situation with her new bf I get upset and she hangs up on me and ignores my calls. She says she still thinks about me and cares for me but will never get back with me because she doesn't want to put herself through the pain I caused again. I love this girl so much it hurts and can't seem to let go. I tried the NC method but when she calls me I can't ignore her. I have also grown close to her family and her children making it harder to just walk away.

 

Recent actions have been her wanting me to go shopping with her the day after thanksgiving and complained that her bf would just moan about standing in line and also this Sat. she referred to him as "he is probably going to make me take him to my friend's birthday party. I was going to take her lunch at work after I got her medicine since she was sick and she said not to because he would make a scene. Asked why she was with him and she said she didn't know later to say she was just being a smart ass.. I would do anything for this girl and have grown so much as a person but I think she doesn't see it for what it is. Last night we got into it and she called me selfish for not being just a friend and also for telling her bf to get off the phone once he got on to confront me about not apologizing to him for calling him a name even though I did. I am not confrontational but this guy is an a**h***! She took his side and broke my heart even more.. It seems that she talks to me differently when he is around.. God only knows how much I love this girl and I ask him to shed his grace on me for messing up the blessing he gave me. I ask him if it is meant to be please bring us back together and if it isn't please send me an angel. I soo much wish we could have a second chance. Thanks for reading..

 

I am just looking for similar situations or some kind of advice on what to do next..

[lamento]

Try being friends and then a week later have her grabbing your hand, lying on your lap kissing and crying all over you - when you return her gestures she pulls away and says she doesn't want to give the wrong signals - you pull back get yourself in check and the same thing happens all over again - you're being used - I gaurentee if this girl turns around and shows her true colours - like how much she really doesn't give a crap you'll wake up with a thud that will be ringing in your ears for a long time - all the time you have used to get back on your feet after the break-up will feel like a waste - then it's sad songs tears and drinking sessions untill you'll never want to hear Johnny cash agin - get a grip before you let yourself get drowned like an unwanted cat - go and rent *High Fidelity* for cruel facts..

[Guest]

As a girl, if you are an ass....no way.

 

So, playing on that...do what you feel.