To Tony, Ernie, and Miss Mojo

[laura]

hi everyone,

 

thanks so much for responding to my problem (in desparate need of help). but, the thing is i think he has already indirectly rejected me. i think i should tell you what the fight was about:

 

I was online one day and my friend was over, and we saw that he was online. and here was the deal, i had IM'd him before, maybe twice, and didn't get a response, so i had just stopped IM'ing him all together, but i mean i still wasn't sure if he was trying to ignore me or if he just wasn't at the computer or if it was even him online those two times. so anyways, we decided to IM him with a different screen name to see how quickly he would respond. well, he responded very quickly, and we were just planning on saying hi to him and then signing off, but before we knew it we were having this conversation with him. but then he somehow figured out it was me and at first he wasn't so mad at all, but then when we told him the whole truth ( i pretty much told him that i had missed him and he hadn't responded to my other screen name so i had to use this one, and that maybe i should have just taken the hint when he didn't respond before to my screen name- so i think maybe i got through to him that i liked him) he got pretty upset and when i asked him if he just wanted me to stop IM'ing him he said that that was a good idea, and that was it. i haven't spoken to him since.

 

now, you would think that would cause someone to get over the other person, but i haven't. i'm telling you, it's freaky, everytime i put him out of my mind i bump into him somewhere, just randomely. i don't know what to do. this whole situation is just totally messed up.

 

everyone says that i should concentrate my time doing other things that i like to do, but that doesn't seem to help much. it seems the only way i get over guys is by finding another guy to be obssesed with, but that just starts the whole cycle again, please can you help not fall so hard for these guys. thanks so so much.

[Miss Mojo]

hi laura,

 

you probably won't fall so hard for guys if you don't have the need to find someone to be obsessed with. i kinda feel that you're looking at this guy the way you want to see him, not who he really is. like i said before, i would put money on it that he is not "all that". you probably convinced yourself he is, but he's not.

 

i also feel that you have a classic case of "wanting what you can't have". sometimes rejection makes people hang on more, and for a lot of people, rejection brings out some insecurities. don't talk yourself into obsession. try talking yourself out of it. the mind can be your most powerful tool.

 

i can guarantee you, like you said, that if you were to find another guy to "become obsessed with" (scary stuff...obsession is NOT healthy), you would screw yourself up royally. rebound relationships very rarely work and getting over someone takes time.

 

i think you should focus this time on yourself. take time out to get to know *yourself* a bit better, work on yourself, learn to really love yourself, and only then will you start to get over this guy and be on track to building a very healthy relationship with another guy who really wants you, and that you are not obsessed with.

 

believe me, you do not want to be obsessed with a person. it is a real-turn off and bad for your emotional health.

 

best wishes

[laura]

Miss Mojo,

 

thanks so much for all your help, you make a lot of sense. you're right this is totally unhealthy, i hate that i'm like this. but, i really don't think that he's perfect i know he has his faults, i know i don't know him that well but i do know him well enough that i know he's definitely not perfect. but that's not stopping me from liking him.

 

once again, thanks so much for your help, it's really good to know that there are people like you in the world who are willing to help others in need, thanks so much.

[laura]

i think there is one more thing i should say, when he found out that it was me IM'ing him, he wanted to know why i did it and i said that my friend was over and she made me do it just for fun and then after he got mad i also got upset and i guess i just wanted to make him feel guilty so i said that whole thing about missing him, so i mean that's not what he got so upset about, he was mad that we had messed with his head. thanks so much and sorry for bugging you guys with my problems, thanks.

[Ernie]

Laura,

 

This board is all about helping people! I'm new here, but hey, we're all human, we're all in need of some kind of advice or help! The purpose of boards like this and others, is to vent, and hopefully get some insight from others with similar experiences who can hopefullly guide us "greenhorns" along a path to success for whatever we all are seeking! And while I am here:

 

Let me tell you a little story. I won't bore you I promise! lol First off, I'm a 40 yr old man. A lonely 40 yr old man at that! I have, throughout my life been out on dates, but that is it! I guess I am just not a ladies man, I don't know. I have no idea as to what is really wrong either! I am always told that I am a great guy, but it never seems to go any further than that! The next time you think about your situation, take a minute out and think about mine! It may make you feel a little bit better! Cheer up Laura, & Take Care! ~Ernie

i think there is one more thing i should say, when he found out that it was me IM'ing him, he wanted to know why i did it and i said that my friend was over and she made me do it just for fun and then after he got mad i also got upset and i guess i just wanted to make him feel guilty so i said that whole thing about missing him, so i mean that's not what he got so upset about, he was mad that we had messed with his head. thanks so much and sorry for bugging you guys with my problems, thanks.