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Why don't I feel Guilty??

Boudicca

By Boudicca,
in Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy

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Boudicca

Boudicca

Posted
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OK, new here and putting myself out on a limb. I've read all replys to cheating stories. Here we go.

I've been in a relationship for 6 years. Ups and serious downs but everything is going really good. He's is my friend, I really LIKE him and were really in love. I'm an independent person and he respects and likes that. No smothering, male machisimo stuff going on.

We went out a few days ago. He went home early and I stayed...and got very drunk. An old friend/acquantance of his brought me home. We ended up..well you know what I mean. Scary thing is I don't even feel really guilty. I know it's wrong, I really do. One mistake, but life is too short for regrets. I won't do it again, he won't find out, so why not just cherish the moment and get on with life. Am I really crazy for thinking this? After reading everything here I think so.

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Art_Critic

Art_Critic

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You don't feel guilty because you are really not in love with your BF..

 

Time to think about cutting the BF loose.. before you do some real hurt on the guy..

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slubberdegullion

slubberdegullion

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...we do really like and love each other

Well, if you did, then you wouldn't have scrambled out of your panties with the other dude.

 

Reality check: Those who are in loving committed relationships don't f*** around.

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Art_Critic

Art_Critic

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He may love you but if you really loved him you wouldn't have gone out on him...

 

 

It is your subconsious talking.. telling you you are not as vested as you should be.

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Boudicca

Boudicca

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True, true

however, there are alot of circumstances and a whole life that we built together. I really don't see leaving as an option. I'm suprised by what I did, even shocked but don't regret it (really life is too short to say what if what if...the deed is done) It wont happen again. One mistake..I can live and learn right?

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Boudicca

Boudicca

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Ohhh the more I read the more I think.

I'm wrong...and apparently crazy.

Why can't people have meaningless sex once?

I should feel bad, everyone here seems to have much more of a conscience than me. I'm getting scared.

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Art_Critic

Art_Critic

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Personally I think you have sealed the fate of your relationship with him..

 

But yes you can go on.. just don't tell him about what happened..

 

forget all about it..

 

If it gets back to him thru his friend then you will be the one who will be heartbroken after he dumps you

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Boudicca

Boudicca

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again true art critic i value your opinion. I would rather "wash my hands of this"

I feel guilty that I don't regret it. Maybe it's a difference in being European, maybe I'm just really lame. Don't know biut what he doesnt know...again sad and cliche but true.

I probably have sealed my fate. Dont know why I did :(

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ReluctantRomeo

ReluctantRomeo

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I feel guilty that I don't regret it. Maybe it's a difference in being European, maybe I'm just really lame.

 

Hey, leave us other Europeans out of this :mad:

 

Seriously, it sounds like you *are* feeling guilty in some way. And I think these things take time to hit home.

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Cecelius

Cecelius

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Would you be upset if he did the same thing?

 

Personally, the story you told would make most men break up with you. For myself, I would be seriously ticked off if the girl didn't tell me because the thought of someone I am exclusive with swapping fluids with another guy disgusts me (ie, if she did it and didn't tell me, and then she and I continued to have sexual relations, I would be repulsed at the idea of going where another guy had just been). You have to give your b/f a chance to wait to see if any STDs develop, and pregnancies, etc.

 

Lastly, I assume this other guy is generally around and about as a friend. If I found out that I'd been hanging around the guy with that dirty little secret between my g/f and him, that'd be cause to leave her by the side of the road. You do not humiliate the person you date.

 

So you can either tell him and take your chances, or you can dump him and be honorable.

 

Lastly, people never cheat just once -- like children, they cheat until they get caught.

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witabix

witabix

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Boudicca, how would ever feel guilty with a name like that! LOL. You don't feel guilty because you really don't care about his feelings(as many above have said). He won't find out? How much would you like to bet on that? How about ten years of your life? You don't cheat on him again, suppose, then his friend gets drunk one night they have an argument and he tells him. I bet he would go rat faced monkey brain mad!

 

People do this because they don't care about their SO, or are just plain self-ish. The assumption that the other person won't find out is usually wrong in my experience, and is irrelevant in my opinion. You do not have to tell him what happened but you have now made your bed and you must lie in it(I am aware of the incorrect syntax).

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mini696

mini696

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You should tell your BF... Then you'll feel guilty.

 

You dont care about him anyway, or you would have kept your pants on.

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Boudicca

Boudicca

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thanks for the advice/opinions. I'm really thinking about it.

I do still think its a waste to throw a 6 year relationship away because of one mistake. It won't happen again, my BF won't find out (the other guy does feel guilty )

I would rather not know if M did the same to me, under similiar circumstances. From all the responses i do question my own level of committment, which I havent before. But indeed if you really love someone, this crap doesnt happen.

I would really like to take the weaker road..forget it, go on living happily ever after. The other choice seems to be tell and ruin three lives, not really an option . Or just leave which I've never even considered. Throw 6 years away because of one evening, maybe I already have.

Stupid thing to do! Guess I'm developing a conscience after all.:(

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ReluctantRomeo

ReluctantRomeo

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From all the responses i do question my own level of committment, which I havent before. But indeed if you really love someone, this crap doesnt happen.

 

Hmmm, I disagree. I don't think true love solves everything. People are tempted. Crap happens.

 

True love is what you do about it afterwards. If you consciously turn away from the deed and back to the relationship.

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witabix

witabix

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Hmmm, I disagree. I don't think true love solves everything. People are tempted. Crap happens.

 

True love is what you do about it afterwards. If you consciously turn away from the deed and back to the relationship.

 

But RR what about the bond of trust that has been broken. The deed in question is one of those that the b/f may find to be an insurmountable problem. He may have your attitude, and good for him if that is so. Its my opinion that he should at least be given the chance to choose if he wants to stay in a relationship where this transgression has occured.

 

Not giving him the opportunity to decide for himself is a second time he has been disrespected. For there to be a relationship there must be trust and honesty, unfortunately honesty does not always mean being nice.

 

I know from bitter experience that leaving things unsaid, or refusing to be honest, can be a cancer on a relationship. I accepted something less than honesty at the beginning of a relationship. It nagged at me over the ensuing years but I knew I could never broach the subject as I would always meet a wall of silence and indignation. When eventually she again started behaving in a manner that arose my suspiscions I had no way of approaching her over it. So I went down the road that LucreziaBorgia advocates and started to watch closely what was going on. My eyes were opened and I walked, without any accusations or drama. She seemed less than bothered that I was going, her sister even accused me of dumping her. I was warned by one of her friends at the beginning that as long as I knew her I would never know her, I should have listened, but I didn't. I truly never knew her because she kept up her walls. I am sure she didn't tell me the whole truth at the beginning and I am convinced now that she cheated on me at the very beginning with her friend/ex-b/f. Its far too late now for me to be angry or anything but I am certain things would have been different if she had simply told me the truth at the start.

 

Thats what I meant about gambling ten years of your life, I would add that you are gambling with ten years of his life too, and that is so unfair. Be upfront let him decide, tell him what you have said here, tell him you are sorry, prepare for the worst, he may walk. You have to give him the choice. He may love you enough to get over it, but he may not. You must show him enough respect to let him decide.

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seachange

seachange

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I would rather "wash my hands of this".

I feel guilty that I don't regret it. :(

 

Hey Boudicca. I had to go back and reread twice because I thought maybe I missed this...but I don't think I did. So, why exactly did you decide to do it, again? (Very drunk is not really an answer, of course. You still had to choose to go for it, for whatever reason.)

 

I know you said somewhere that it was meaningless sex, but I'm wondering if you have actually thought about whatever was going through your head that night. Seems like that would be important.

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westernxer

westernxer

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Seriously, it sounds like you *are* feeling guilty in some way. And I think these things take time to hit home.

 

That's what I'm saying.

 

She wouldn't be posting otherwise.

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ReluctantRomeo

ReluctantRomeo

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For there to be a relationship there must be trust and honesty, unfortunately honesty does not always mean being nice.

 

Here I agree too. Honesty is always better in the long term.

 

But I don't think that one drunken slip means you don't love someone. It just means you're imperfect, like the rest of the human race.

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mental_traveller

mental_traveller

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ouch...that made blood shoot to my head

 

very to the point, but we do really like and love each other

 

Let me guess - you "love" your boyfriend but are not "in love" with him?

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SMHappyface

SMHappyface

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I agree with many people on this thread - people you are TRULY in love with YOU DON'T cheat on. There are many reasons people cheat - because somebody is way hotter, because they are unhappy for some reason - I've never cheated on my ex - because I loved and respected him. I even went so far as to avoid contact with other guys JUST for this very reason! But that didn't keep him from cheating. And honestly? It was because he wasn't truly committed to us it turns out. Sounds like you want to stay with him not because of who your BF is, but because the time you've invested in him. Once the deed is done, it can't ever be undone. It will come out sooner or later. And if you stay with him, I hope later. I believe in the once a cheater phrase - you don't feel guilty because you don't want to be with him. Break up with him before he finds out and really gets hurt.

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