Why don't I feel Guilty??

[Boudicca]

Hey Boudicca. I had to go back and reread twice because I thought maybe I missed this...but I don't think I did. So, why exactly did you decide to do it, again? (Very drunk is not really an answer, of course. You still had to choose to go for it, for whatever reason.)

 

I know you said somewhere that it was meaningless sex, but I'm wondering if you have actually thought about whatever was going through your head that night. Seems like that would be important.

 

 

What was going through my idiot drunk head? Good question. We were very drunk true, no excuse also true. I initiated it After the deed was done he said no we shouldn't because of my BF. Too little to late but atleast someone had a sober moment. I was very enamoured by him, but honestly I don't even know him.

I'm very scared to go down the honorable truth road..there would be no reconciliation, of that I'm sure. Its really not fair to my BF I know, but the truth isn't either. What a major major mistake.

[witabix]

What was going through my idiot drunk head? Good question. We were very drunk true, no excuse also true. I initiated it After the deed was done he said no we shouldn't because of my BF. Too little to late but atleast someone had a sober moment. I was very enamoured by him, but honestly I don't even know him.

I'm very scared to go down the honorable truth road..there would be no reconciliation, of that I'm sure. Its really not fair to my BF I know, but the truth isn't either. What a major major mistake.

 

Its your call Boudicca. You have to weigh up the possible outcomes.

 

1. You tell him and he forgives/forgets. And they all lived happily ever after.

 

2. You tell him and he forgives but does not forget. They all SEEMED to live happily for a while, but he insists on keeping tabs on you, and doesn't trust you any more.

 

3. You tell him and he walks out. Start a new book.

 

4. You don't tell him and he never finds out. They all lived happily ever after, and you eventually forget about it.

 

5. You don't tell him and he eventually finds out, go to 1, 2 or 3 above. If he goes to 3 than add the the frustration he will feel when you add X number of the years to the act of ommision.

 

If we were to assume that all possible outcomes were equal, which is probably not the case, you only have a 1 in 5 chance of getting away completely with it.

 

I am of course aware that human relations and peoples lives don't run on psuedocode! I am merely trying to be constructive in pointing it out that a little fuzzy logic can be applied in some situations.

[Spectre]

This stuff just gets real old real quick, why is it so difficult for people to keep their pants on?

 

Anyways, this isnt even about love anymore, this is about common decency and knowing whats right and wrong, I can understand being reluctant about wanting to tell them, or even worrying that they might dump you(cuz hell, they should) but to flat out just decide to not tell someone? thats just pathetic and uncalled, what kind of person are you? what kind of BS do you feed yourself that you can come onto a message board, post about cheating on your bf..post about not feeling guilty...post about how it was a mistake and how you still love and care about him, yet them refuse to tell the person?

 

lemme find the line that was chalked full of the most BS: "It isnt fair to my boyfriend, but the truth isnt either"

 

 

wtf? so, why wouldnt he deserve the truth? I'd seriously love to know which drug you were on when you convinced yourself that line made any sense, the bottom line is you cheated, you were dishonest..who cares if it happened once, who gives a sh*t if you were drunk, all excuses..all dont matter, what matters is the person you were deceitful to has a RIGHT to know, I cant imagine how people convince themselves they can f*ck up and then not say anything? under the guise of trying to protect the other person, what a f'ing hypocrisy. You have to tell your bf, who gives a crap about your feelings and how it effects your life, you messed up, you do NOT get to make this easier on yourself

 

Did a magician come cast a spell saying if this guy finds out that a gf was unfaithful, he dies? if not, then your betrayal wont ruin this kids life, sure it will hurt, but hey consider this, whats better: finding out someone u loved cheated on you..then breaking up..being hurt for a few weeks, then moving on..OOORRR finding out that your gf was so incredibly messed up that not only did she cheat on you, but then blatantly admit she doesnt regret and to know she didnt even want to tell you..under the guise that it wasnt fair? wow, I'd pick option 1, but thats just me

 

In Conclusion: any excuses, any little reasons you come up with not to tell him..are BS, do the right thing, admit you F'ed up, and move on, maybe he'll forgive you, maybe he wont..but its better then letting someone you care about actually stay in a relationship w/ someone who cheated, doesnt regret it, and neglected to even tell them about it, in other words: suck it up kid

[romme22]

Ahh, aint you sweet...

 

Let's see, boyfriend trusts you, goes home early. You get drunk, pump some guy that you hardly know and have no guilt or remorse about it.

 

Sounds like a new door has been opened for you. First time cheating is the hardest and it'll just get easier and easier from here. Will alcohol always be the excuse for each time? What happens when you get to know a new friend or co-worker and you have a real connection? Will you be able to control yourself next time?

 

Wonder how you'd react if you found out your boyfriend had a one-nighter? Could you ever trust him again?

[bazers_is_cool]

u said u were drunk. if you were drunk then you probably wouldnt have realised that you were getting into a bed with the wrong guy and you dont feel guilty because you probably enjoyed it a hell of a lot and wouldnt have changed it even if you could.

[WRbeach60954]

I always hate when people use the "I was really drunk" excuse, that for me never works or means anything, it just makes you look stupid. I think what you did was wrong, if I ever did anything like that to my girl I would feel terrible. Something isnt right between you two if you feel this way.

[lemon_jam]

No, this doesn't mean that you are not in love with your bf!!!

I did exactly this.

i was confused initially that i did not feel remorse... in fact i felt numb towards him, i wasn't even that bothered about him finding out.

but then, as always, the truth came out. he started hating me rather than unconditionally loving me, he started moving on, getting with other girls, and that's when you know what it is like to have your heart broken THAT IS WHEN THE GUILT SETS IN. only when you can empathise AND ONLY THEN will you feel the crippling guilt.

i'm not saying this will happen to you - you're bf may never discover what happened, but if he does find out be prepared!

[Grinning Maniac]

...I can understand being reluctant about wanting to tell them, or even worrying that they might dump you(cuz hell, they should) but to flat out just decide to not tell someone? thats just pathetic and uncalled, what kind of person are you? what kind of BS do you feed yourself that you can come onto a message board, post about cheating on your bf..post about not feeling guilty...post about how it was a mistake and how you still love and care about him, yet them refuse to tell the person?

 

lemme find the line that was chalked full of the most BS: "It isnt fair to my boyfriend, but the truth isnt either"

 

wtf? so, why wouldnt he deserve the truth? I'd seriously love to know which drug you were on when you convinced yourself that line made any sense, the bottom line is you cheated, you were dishonest..who cares if it happened once, who gives a sh*t if you were drunk, all excuses..all dont matter, what matters is the person you were deceitful to has a RIGHT to know, I cant imagine how people convince themselves they can f*ck up and then not say anything? under the guise of trying to protect the other person, what a f'ing hypocrisy. You have to tell your bf, who gives a crap about your feelings and how it effects your life, you messed up, you do NOT get to make this easier on yourself

 

Did a magician come cast a spell saying if this guy finds out that a gf was unfaithful, he dies? if not, then your betrayal wont ruin this kids life, sure it will hurt, but hey consider this, whats better: finding out someone u loved cheated on you..then breaking up..being hurt for a few weeks, then moving on..OOORRR finding out that your gf was so incredibly messed up that not only did she cheat on you, but then blatantly admit she doesnt regret and to know she didnt even want to tell you..under the guise that it wasnt fair? wow, I'd pick option 1, but thats just me

 

In Conclusion: any excuses, any little reasons you come up with not to tell him..are BS, do the right thing, admit you F'ed up, and move on, maybe he'll forgive you, maybe he wont..but its better then letting someone you care about actually stay in a relationship w/ someone who cheated, doesnt regret it, and neglected to even tell them about it, in other words: suck it up kid

 

Quoted for Truth.

 

 

Boodicca, if you don't tell your bf about this, you will no be showing him the least bit of respect as a PERSON. He is a human being just like you. He has the same rights that you do. You are not trying to protect him from anything. You are trying to protect yourself. You do NOT have the right to lie to him like that. Him leaving you or not based on this incident is a choice that is ENTIRELY up to him.

 

By robbing him of that choice, you will be treating him no better than a dog. Is that your idea of love? Own up to this and there still may be a chance for something to exist between you too. Lie to him and your relationship will be nothing but bull**** from then on. Don't be a coward and waste his life with lies.

[dunnowhattosay]

You don't feel guilty because you are not feeling the repercussions of your actions. Also like someone else had mentioned, you have a lack of empathy because it hasn't been done to you.

Whether or not to tell him is really up to you. Is telling him really going to make his, your or both of your lives any easier? If you tell him and you two stay together, is telling him going to make your relationship better? Is it really going to help him to know that you cheated? You would have to judge what other risks that were involved(preggers or stds). OF course if the other guy tells your bf then you will have hell to pay after the fact.

There are the matters of respect and honesty. Honesty can often be the best policy and a lack of respect will break bonds even if you are the only one that knows about it. Somewhere in the back of your head that person will probably mean a touch less to you. Of course things like respect are quite abstract and different from person to person.

Another thing about the guilt. Relationship rules are made by people.Relationship rules do tend to protect the people in the relationship. That doesn't mean you follow them biologically. Your body and subconcious will take over the show sometimes unless you truely believe in your head that you shouldn't do something. Sex was never meant to be exclusive for long periods of time in humans. In other words your will to stay faithful was not greater than your urges. Alcohol is not an excuse but it does impair the part of your brain that helps make decisions so that certainly doesn't help things.

You are trying to fit what you think you should feel, into the rules that you think you should follow, into what your bodies natural urge to do is.

Im not sure if this post is an answer but it was just things that came to mind.

[dancm661]

You can't have a relationship without honesty. So what kind of fantasy world do you live in? Something tells me he'll figure you out sooner or later.

 

Have you no dignity? Do you like being the type of girl that is good for nothing but a one night stand? Have some self respect.

 

What comes around goes around.