and another thing..Would you call this paranoia?

[Pamela]

...continuing to analyse episodes of the week spent together with my new "bossy" older man I just wanted to ask if you think this is a bit strange and exaggerated:

 

I asked him if he wanted to see this gorgeous park by the ocean with an old lighthouse on the rocks where you can view a spectacular sunset. (I've been going to this park for years to swim and also to hike and I know the trails very well). He said "sure" so I took him there.

 

The park entrance has a dirt road and the parking area is surrounded by tall trees and you have to walk on a path in the woods for about five minutes before you get to an open area on the rocks near the lighthouse.

 

Anyhow when we got out of the car he told me he wasn't going anywhere in an isolated area (there were other cars parked in the lot)because he was afraid someone could mug him and steal his documents. I told him not to worry that there were lots of people on the trails in the park and tha nothing like that had ever been reported to happen and that I have excellent inutition regarding danger.

 

He told me I was insane to think I could rely on my intuition in an islolated area in the evening. We got into a huge arguement and I tried to convince him it was safe, but he wouldn't budge. I told him if he lived in fear like that he probably would get mugged one day and besides, anything could happen, a meteor could fall on us right now, an earthquake could happen, a plane might crash, ect.

 

Nothing I said would convince him to walk a short distance thru a well-carved trail!

 

Do you think he was acting paranoic or reasonable? Do I have reason to be upset or hurt by this?

[Laurynn]

I'd say it's got to do with his age. I'm certainly not putting down the elderly whatsoever, but sometimes older people are a lot more cautious....just not as 'carefree' as younger folks. That might have something to do with it..OR, he could simply be single at THIS age because he's a total control FREAK. Was he ever married? Why is he in his 60's and single? Divorced? How many times?

 

L

[Pamela]

I'd say it's got to do with his age. I'm certainly not putting down the elderly whatsoever, but sometimes older people are a lot more cautious....just not as 'carefree' as younger folks.

 

I think that might be the case even though he thinks he has a young mind.

 

That might

have something to do with it..OR, he could simply be single at THIS age because he's a total control FREAK.

 

Really?? A control freak. I never thought of it like that before and here he is already trying to establish "rules" for our relationship.

 

Was he ever married? Yes, but he divorced over 15 years ago because his wife became a religious fanatic.

 

Why is he in his 60's

and single? Who knew. I know that he had other younger girlfriends(same age difference) a couple of years ago when he travelled in Mexico and Guatamala, but these relationships never lasted. The girl in Guatamala wanted him to give her a baby, but he didn't want it.

Divorced? How many times? Only once

[Laurynn]

Okay, so he's dated women 30 years younger than him in the past. I wonder what that says? Maybe it's a generalization, but most people date others who are in their own age group. So why does a man make it a habit to date women 3 decades younger than him? Could it be that he's on an ego trip and he thinks that having a younger gal makes him more of a man? a great catch? a stud? Or does he like younger women because he feels he might have a better chance at controlling/changing them, to suit his wishes, desires, rules and needs?

 

If you feel that after 1 month of talking on the phone, and after having only met each other ONCE (and spend ONE week together), that he's already making 'rules', why are you putting up with that sh*t? If he's like this NOW, he's only going to get worse.

 

Good God, you've spent one week together and already you've had about 5 arguments/fights/you hung up on him once? This isn't love, this isn't even close to being a healthy, mutually giving/respectful/compatible relationship.......it's just trouble waiting to happen.

 

You're not desperate, are you? Surely to God there are some decent single men out there who are closer to your age, no? Are you that desperate to 'be in love' and have someone 'meet your (many) needs' that you're willing to settle for this old controlling geezer? WHY???

 

L

[Tony T]

My guess is this man suffers from various anxiety disorders. I don't think his unwillingness to take the path in the woods had anything to do with guarding his "papers." I think he suffers from some measure of agoraphobia, which would prevent him from wandering into unfamiliar territory and very far from the car.

 

My guess is that he goes for younger women because men with anxiety disorder, agoraphobia, panic disorder, etc., usually suffer from mild to severe sexual dysfunction. According to research, they usually prefer only one or two positions, missionary being the most widely desired. These men prefer younger women who may mitigate their lack of sexual variation with their wisdom and age. Many think a younger woman will be less experienced and therefore expect less sexually.

 

These are only guesses. You can never jump to conclusions about human behavior. It doesn't work that way. I don't think he would have a fear of running into another girlfriend or a wife on some obscure path.

 

If you continue to see him, I'm sure you will find he has other idiosynchrosies. However, someone with these problems is not likely to disclose them to you so soon in the relationship for fear they would not be understood or that he would be rejected.

[Pamela]

You're not desperate, are you? Surely to God there are some decent single men out there who are closer to your age, no? Are you that desperate to 'be in love' and have someone 'meet your (many) needs' that you're willing to settle for this old controlling geezer? WHY???

 

I guess I'm insecure to be with a younger guy because I don't want to go thru all the anxiety of worrying if he will cheat on me. In my experience with younger guys, they were never faithful to me and this caused me unimaginable pain and heartbreak even though I ended up being a cheater myself on someone who had cheated me...

 

I feel that I don't have to worry about him cheating on me with another woman and for the first time in my life the roles are reversed and HE is worried about ME cheating on him!

 

Perhaps I am a bit desperate and "needy" right now because I've had alot on my plate recently. My closest grandmother (she is like my mother) was in the hospital with cancer in her insestine which spread to the liver and she might not have very long to live. Could it be that I am trying to make a gradual grieving process less painful by having jumped into this relationship?