Chicksfly2 Posted November 29, 2005 Share Posted November 29, 2005 Hello all, I have been dating boyf for 2 1/2 years and am ready to settle down. He is very family-oriented and has been sheltered most of his life. He knows that I am ready to take the next step and teases me about it everyday. He has not had many girlfriends and still needs time to "have his fun like I did". He's in the military and unfortunately we are across the country (we have been for several months). We cannot live together unless we're married. He recently took us to the mall to look at rings. I was estatic but don't want to push him into anything of course. I guess I just need to know how long it's going to be before we move forward. I feel that I am getting older and our relationship hasn't progressed much. We are in our mid-twenties. Any suggestions from anyone??? Link to post Share on other sites
Lil Honey Posted December 2, 2005 Share Posted December 2, 2005 The one statement that stands out the most is this one still needs time to "have his fun like I did". Is that what you think or what he feels/has said? Link to post Share on other sites
Chicksfly2 Posted December 3, 2005 Share Posted December 3, 2005 He ACTUALLY has said this to me. I've dated many people, but I am his second girlfriend ever. His first relationship lasted 7 years (through high school and halfway through college). He is on his own now at the military base getting drunk and partying every night. He takes shot after shot and even gets sick once a week from it. I guess he's trying to make up for his "conservative" upbringing. This worries me because we've been in a serious, long-term committment for awhile and I think he likes having me at a distance. I don't want to have the relationship that he just calls and says goodnight. Even on the phone recently, he's extremely self-centered and if I don't keep asking him questions about his day, there is silence. He says that he can't think of anything to say. I feel that I put in ALL of the effort in this relationship. He brings up marraige all of the time because he enjoys teasing me about it. He always says how "crazy I am about him", etc. I feel like he doesn't work anymore at it, because he knows that I'll do all of it for him. Please help! I'm going crazy. Link to post Share on other sites
Lil Honey Posted December 5, 2005 Share Posted December 5, 2005 If you are his second girlfriend, he might not know how to treat other women (other than the one he basically grew up with) . . . and maybe he didn't do much growing up. If he is getting drunk every night, do you really WANT that in a man? He is likely going to come back an alcoholic. You also say that you think he likes keeping you at a distance. That could be true, because that would make it more convenient for him to be out with whomever he chooses without having to answer to you as if you were close by. So, you say that: it seems he would rather you be far away he is silent on the phone he is self-centered you feel you put forth all the effort he teases you about marriage, rather than being serious he mentions how crazy you are about him, but not how crazy he is about you What part of that sounds like a loving relationship? Link to post Share on other sites
Chicksfly2 Posted December 7, 2005 Share Posted December 7, 2005 I do realize that he is too selfish to realistically think about marriage. I need some indication that he can picture us together in the future... Why would he suggest ring-looking for no reason??? I called him on his self-centeredness last night... told him that he doesn't seem to be interested in MY life, doesn't give me attention when we are on the phone (has numerous conversations with people passing by, in room, etc.), and that I was wondering if he REALLY did miss me over these miles... He apologized and said he would try and be more considerate... He ALSO said not to expect any BIG presents for my birthday and Christmas (ie. engagement ring) because he was low on funds. Funny that I already bought him an IPOD and am going to make minimum payments on my credit card for several months!!! He's paying his student loans (seven times as much as I am per month!) and going out partying EVERY night with his new friends at the military base. He does really love me, but he has less relationship experience (like you mentioned) and is behind me in maturity as well. It's just so difficult to keep a long distance relationship flame still going!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Tamrick Posted December 7, 2005 Share Posted December 7, 2005 Why do you want to settle down with this man? Most of what you have written about him in these posts is negative. I understand that you want to settle down, but maybe it would be better to find anothe guy or else to figure out if and hwy you love this one. He may have taken you shopping for rings to tease you or he may really be thinking about marriage - why don't you ask him? Link to post Share on other sites
Chicksfly2 Posted December 8, 2005 Share Posted December 8, 2005 Sorry, I am an extremely cynical gal... he is a GREAT guy, love him to pieces... we all have our quirks, right? He is a bit mis-guided, but means well.. . he still needs a little social training... He thinks he's funny to joke about things when he's nervous about it... I know we are good together... we compliment each other so well... we're opposites in the best way... We talk more and more about the future... almost every conversation we bring up marriage. I don't want to push him away, I DO want to further our relationship and make it easier to deal with the long-distance. Also, if engaged, we can get on a wait-list for off-base housing and MAKE PLANS for the rest of our lives... I cannot stand this complete instability!!! Link to post Share on other sites
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