Problem with girlfriend

[Jay]

First I should set out the situation. My girlfriend and I have been dating for just over a year and a half. We currently live about forty minutes away from each other in Northeast Ohio. She is 26 and is established in her job and what not. I'm 25 and just recently graduated from law school and am currently studying for the Bar Exam. My family likes her and her's really likes me.

 

The problem that I'm facing is this. About two weeks ago, I found out that I may be (almost guaranteed) moving to Florida for a job. When I told her this and listened to her response, it started a chain of thoughts in my head.

 

She has repeatedly stated that she will only uproot her life if she has an engagement ring. And that she will only wait for another two years for me to give her one, even if I don't move. Also, she has stated that if this were to occur, she must have the absolute say in the living arraingements, i.e. building a home how she wants it. Plus things like if I do move and were to get a cat for a companion, that she'd break up with me.

 

Since this happened a couple of things have been occurring. She is always bringing up the topic of marriage in every conversation we have. I know it's childish but I'm counting the number of times(15 so far). Also, I've noticed that she is constantly asking me to do things for her that she could easily do herself. She even joked that she was a "user."

 

I know that I'm dealing with a lot of stress right now with this exam in just over a week and am going through a total life change of no longer in school, working full time, moving, etc. But, I really don't think I want to continue dating my girlfriend.

 

I know that this might be due to the uncertainty of where I'm headed. But, I just don't see myself marrying this woman. When should I tell her this? I think I should wait until after my exam but after that I have no clue. I figure I have three options: 1. Break up before i go to Florida. 2. Move to Florida and see if we can work it out. or 3 Move to Florida and brek up with her once I'm down there.

 

That may sound like I'm a dick or plain heartless, but she has stated that if I move and then break up with her that it will be easier for her since I'll be so far away and she'll have her routine to keep her steady. Plus she has said that I can break up with her anytime I want.

 

I seem to be rambling. Basically I'm just asking for advice concerning what I should do.

 

Thanks.

[Miss Mojo]

hi jay,

 

heck. how on earth have you managed to put up with her? i don't blame you for not seeing yourself marrying her. she is imposing *waaaay* too many conditions on this relationship and sounds like a right selfish bugger from where i sit. as far as i'm concerned, a person should not impose condition after condition on their partner. i cannot believe she'd break up with you over a cat!!! what??!!!! you're 25 and she's saying "a ring in the next 2 years or else"???? phwoar!!! who does she think she is?

 

that is not the way to treat someone you love.

 

firstly, i would suggest STOP or DON'T do things for her that she can do herself. that is using, and it's being downright lazy. she seems to be taking advantage of you here.

 

honestly jay, i would just tell her straight out how you feel and that you don't see a future with her. she did (correctly) say that you can dump her anytime you like, so i would do it now. i think the sooner you do this, the sooner you will have a great weight lifted off your shoulders. i can't help but feel that she is using you. do yourself a favour and boot her butt to the curb now.

 

i don't mean to sound like the heartless one here, but it doesn't matter at all *when* you break up with her. that's tough bikkies for her, because she is not making you happy at all. you have enough to worry about right now, without putting her feelings at the top of your list of priorities. do you think she would have your feelings at the top of her list of priorities?

 

and if all else fails.....buy a cat.

[clia]

I don't know. I think you might want to wait until after the bar is over since you don't know what might occur AFTER you break up with her. If she's been acting this way, she obviously wants to marry you. Breaking up with her COULD send her into a tailspin, despite what she said. And that is something you don't want to deal with when you're worrying enough about the bar. What if she shows up at your place or the library in tears every night? That will take up all of your time, time when you should be studying your tail off for the bar.

 

You said you're taking the bar in a week? If I were you, I'd lay low for a week, tell her you need to study. (Hey, this is pretty important, right?) Then, once that ordeal is over, break up with her. You'll be better equipped to handle it when you have the time to focus on it. Also, I think you should do it before you get to Florida. Just cut your ties and move on. It sounds like you've thought this through, so there's no reason to drag it out any longer.

First I should set out the situation. My girlfriend and I have been dating for just over a year and a half. We currently live about forty minutes away from each other in Northeast Ohio. She is 26 and is established in her job and what not. I'm 25 and just recently graduated from law school and am currently studying for the Bar Exam. My family likes her and her's really likes me.

 

The problem that I'm facing is this. About two weeks ago, I found out that I may be (almost guaranteed) moving to Florida for a job. When I told her this and listened to her response, it started a chain of thoughts in my head. She has repeatedly stated that she will only uproot her life if she has an engagement ring. And that she will only wait for another two years for me to give her one, even if I don't move. Also, she has stated that if this were to occur, she must have the absolute say in the living arraingements, i.e. building a home how she wants it. Plus things like if I do move and were to get a cat for a companion, that she'd break up with me. Since this happened a couple of things have been occurring. She is always bringing up the topic of marriage in every conversation we have. I know it's childish but I'm counting the number of times(15 so far). Also, I've noticed that she is constantly asking me to do things for her that she could easily do herself. She even joked that she was a "user." I know that I'm dealing with a lot of stress right now with this exam in just over a week and am going through a total life change of no longer in school, working full time, moving, etc. But, I really don't think I want to continue dating my girlfriend. I know that this might be due to the uncertainty of where I'm headed. But, I just don't see myself marrying this woman. When should I tell her this? I think I should wait until after my exam but after that I have no clue. I figure I have three options: 1. Break up before i go to Florida. 2. Move to Florida and see if we can work it out. or 3 Move to Florida and brek up with her once I'm down there. That may sound like I'm a dick or plain heartless, but she has stated that if I move and then break up with her that it will be easier for her since I'll be so far away and she'll have her routine to keep her steady. Plus she has said that I can break up with her anytime I want. I seem to be rambling. Basically I'm just asking for advice concerning what I should do.

 

Thanks.

[brey]

I don't know. I think you might want to wait until after the bar is over since you don't know what might occur AFTER you break up with her. If she's been acting this way, she obviously wants to marry you. Breaking up with her COULD send her into a tailspin, despite what she said. And that is something you don't want to deal with when you're worrying enough about the bar. What if she shows up at your place or the library in tears every night? That will take up all of your time, time when you should be studying your tail off for the bar. You said you're taking the bar in a week? If I were you, I'd lay low for a week, tell her you need to study. (Hey, this is pretty important, right?) Then, once that ordeal is over, break up with her. You'll be better equipped to handle it when you have the time to focus on it. Also, I think you should do it before you get to Florida. Just cut your ties and move on. It sounds like you've thought this through, so there's no reason to drag it out any longer.

[brey]

I don't know. I think you might want to wait until after the bar is over since you don't know what might occur AFTER you break up with her. If she's been acting this way, she obviously wants to marry you. Breaking up with her COULD send her into a tailspin, despite what she said. And that is something you don't want to deal with when you're worrying enough about the bar. What if she shows up at your place or the library in tears every night? That will take up all of your time, time when you should be studying your tail off for the bar. You said you're taking the bar in a week? If I were you, I'd lay low for a week, tell her you need to study. (Hey, this is pretty important, right?) Then, once that ordeal is over, break up with her. You'll be better equipped to handle it when you have the time to focus on it. Also, I think you should do it before you get to Florida. Just cut your ties and move on. It sounds like you've thought this through, so there's no reason to drag it out any longer. If the girl doesn't realize that this bar is not important to you and if she wants you to concentrate on her and olny her maybe you need to find someone NEW!