Did a horrible thing!

[Meta]

I've ruined a friendship that I thought was special because of the his ex-girlfriend. Bert's ex is a friend of mine who constantly tells me horrible things about him. I try not to get influenced by what she tells me but it does affect me. The other day she told me that she thinks Bert has HIV and he didn't tell her about it when they dated. I thought that was horrible but at the same time, I doubted that Bert would ever do something like that. My friend is so convinced that Bert is so evil that he would spread HIV without telling people. Since I'm not in a romantic relationship with him, I don't really need to worry about it, but because of my developing emotions for him, I was quite disturbed by what I heard.

 

I'm a type of person who needs to clarify things if something bothers me...if not, I withdraw from that person.

 

I didn't want to lose Bert as a friend, but at the same time I was in no position to confront him with that kind of information. Well thanks to my impatience, I called him up, told him that I met his ex, said that something I heard about him was bothering me, met him for lunch, acted all awkward and tense, said that I want to be mutual friends with him but I had to ask him something, and finally confronted him with something that had nothing to do with what I wanted to ask him about (HIV)...instead, I asked him about the scars on his arms...which were self inflicted burns.

 

I must have appeared like a psycho drama queen!! I feel like he would never want to be friends with me again. I feel horrible. I didn't accept him for who he is by seeing him through his ex's eyes rather than mine. Honestly, the scars are not big deals at all and they're certainly not important enough to be brought up in that manner. Since he doesn't know what I've heard about him, he must be thinking I'm psycho or something. I feel lost and sad because I clearly remember how he looked at me when I mentioned that I don't know whether I could be friends with him with all the information I have about him. What should I do? Is there any way I can redeem myself, or is there no hope? HELP!!

[Juan]

I've ruined a friendship that I thought was special because of the his ex-girlfriend. Bert's ex is a friend of mine who constantly tells me horrible things about him. I try not to get influenced by what she tells me but it does affect me. The other day she told me that she thinks Bert has HIV and he didn't tell her about it when they dated. I thought that was horrible but at the same time, I doubted that Bert would ever do something like that. My friend is so convinced that Bert is so evil that he would spread HIV without telling people. Since I'm not in a romantic relationship with him, I don't really need to worry about it, but because of my developing emotions for him, I was quite disturbed by what I heard. I'm a type of person who needs to clarify things if something bothers me...if not, I withdraw from that person. I didn't want to lose Bert as a friend, but at the same time I was in no position to confront him with that kind of information. Well thanks to my impatience, I called him up, told him that I met his ex, said that something I heard about him was bothering me, met him for lunch, acted all awkward and tense, said that I want to be mutual friends with him but I had to ask him something, and finally confronted him with something that had nothing to do with what I wanted to ask him about (HIV)...instead, I asked him about the scars on his arms...which were self inflicted burns.

 

I must have appeared like a psycho drama queen!! I feel like he would never want to be friends with me again. I feel horrible. I didn't accept him for who he is by seeing him through his ex's eyes rather than mine. Honestly, the scars are not big deals at all and they're certainly not important enough to be brought up in that manner. Since he doesn't know what I've heard about him, he must be thinking I'm psycho or something. I feel lost and sad because I clearly remember how he looked at me when I mentioned that I don't know whether I could be friends with him with all the information I have about him. What should I do? Is there any way I can redeem myself, or is there no hope? HELP!!

 

What i think you need to do is get away from that guy, even though you like him and want to be friends, I just think you may be heading for disaster if you don't let go of it for a while.