Sabrina Posted July 16, 2001 Share Posted July 16, 2001 Me and a guy have dated for 3 years off and on.We are now both 20 yrs old. we have always had our awful breakups and get back together. I know he loves me by his actions. The last time we got back together was 3 months ago. He told me he was leaving for the coast gaurd in 3 months and that he needed to know if there was anything between us still. He said durring that 3 months that we would be ok and we made plans for me to move with him in 6 or 7 months. The whole time I was with him was so good this time around. He really seemed happy and I never thought we would end. Well the week before he was supposed to leave he started acting all distant and saying he couldnt deal with a relationship while he was gone for 4 years and never get to see me..I know that he loves me by his actions. No matter what he says about leaving..I hoped he was just acting that way because he did not wana say goodbye. But he told me to my face that he never loved me that he was not happy and that our 3 year relationship would never go anywhere. I dont believe it because he seemed so in love with me after all that we had been through. We had a huge fight I slapped him he grabbed my hair. Which he has never ever done before.. and he is leaving tommarrow on these awful terms.... I just wish somebody out there new what these behaviors were for. and why did he seem so happy....Was he just scared and not wanting to leave me because he cared a lot and did not wana miss me...Or do you think he really meant all those awful things...He has always saw me in his future and we often talked about it but nothing like marriage ever came of it.......Throughout our 3 yrs he has been a big mommas boy and I kinda think he only knows that kind of love . That it has never hit him that he can love me the way I thought he did. Kinda like he always ran from love when I knew he felt it. Link to post Share on other sites
Laurynn Posted July 16, 2001 Share Posted July 16, 2001 I'm really sorry you're going through this, it must be even harder due to the fact that he leaves tomorrow. He's gone for 4 years? Why so long? My only guess is that maybe he just dreaded 'saying goodbye'.....maybe he was afraid he'd be very upset, that he'd cry, that he'd be too emotional....maybe he's worried that while he's gone you'll forget about him or meet someone else. Maybe he knew how badly you'd miss him and that tore him up inside.......so maybe he decided that if he left with you hating him, he wouldn't have to confront his feelings? Although, if this is what he did, he sure was awfully hurtful and drastic...especially to tell you he never even loved you. I know you must be hurting tremendously, but it's time for you to be angry here.......his recent actions were atrocious, uncalled for, cruel and hurtful. That's not how you treat someone you've been with for 3 years, particularly when you're moving away. You deserve so much better than that crap. Whatever you do, do NOT contact him before he leaves/to say goodbye. He made his bed, now he has to lie in it. Let him see how he feels when he's gone/far away, and he's missing you and most likely feeling lonely and like a horse's ass. If you two were as much in love as you wrote, and if things were as good between you as you stated, and if there really WERE plans for you to move there in 6-7 months, then this guy is a cowardly butthole.....for WHATEVER reason he did this to you. Ignore him. If he calls you, don't talk to him. If he writes you, don't return his letters. At least for a while..give him a chance to think about what a dink he was. Again, I'm sorry. Maybe a guy (Tony?) might have some other insight into why your man was such a putz. Laurynn Link to post Share on other sites
laura Posted July 16, 2001 Share Posted July 16, 2001 this is just my opinion, but it seems like this guy really does love you. have you ever heard of the saying "you have to be cruel to be kind." he probably doesn't want to make you wait for him while he is gone, maybe he thinks he is not good enough for you, or maybe he just doesn't want you to suffer being alone for four years without him, maybe he thinks you'll have a better life without him. that's what i think, but i could be wrong. in any case, if he really is leaving tomorrow i think you should go talk to him before he leaves and make peace with him somehow, it would be a shame for him to leave on such bad terms. good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Buckeyegal Posted July 16, 2001 Share Posted July 16, 2001 I'm sorry, but I don't understand how you can tell that he loves you by his actions. You've stated that you've had awful breakups, he tells you that he's never loved you and sees no future together, your argument escalated to the point of physical violence...it doesn't sound as though his actions are loving at all. Real life isn't like a Harlequin romance, where the hero pushes away the woman he loves, but in the end they live happily ever after. He's told you that he doesn't love you, never has...as painful and hurtful as that is, you just have to accept it. You're both very young, and the relationship sounded very volatile and sporadic anyway. Look at this as an opportunity to meet and date someone new that you'd be more compatible with, thus having a more mutually satisfying relationship. Me and a guy have dated for 3 years off and on.We are now both 20 yrs old. we have always had our awful breakups and get back together. I know he loves me by his actions. The last time we got back together was 3 months ago. He told me he was leaving for the coast gaurd in 3 months and that he needed to know if there was anything between us still. He said durring that 3 months that we would be ok and we made plans for me to move with him in 6 or 7 months. The whole time I was with him was so good this time around. He really seemed happy and I never thought we would end. Well the week before he was supposed to leave he started acting all distant and saying he couldnt deal with a relationship while he was gone for 4 years and never get to see me..I know that he loves me by his actions. No matter what he says about leaving..I hoped he was just acting that way because he did not wana say goodbye. But he told me to my face that he never loved me that he was not happy and that our 3 year relationship would never go anywhere. I dont believe it because he seemed so in love with me after all that we had been through. We had a huge fight I slapped him he grabbed my hair. Which he has never ever done before.. and he is leaving tommarrow on these awful terms.... I just wish somebody out there new what these behaviors were for. and why did he seem so happy....Was he just scared and not wanting to leave me because he cared a lot and did not wana miss me...Or do you think he really meant all those awful things...He has always saw me in his future and we often talked about it but nothing like marriage ever came of it.......Throughout our 3 yrs he has been a big mommas boy and I kinda think he only knows that kind of love . That it has never hit him that he can love me the way I thought he did. Kinda like he always ran from love when I knew he felt it. Link to post Share on other sites
Sabrina Posted July 17, 2001 Share Posted July 17, 2001 thank you for your input it made me feel better. I'm really sorry you're going through this, it must be even harder due to the fact that he leaves tomorrow. He's gone for 4 years? Why so long? My only guess is that maybe he just dreaded 'saying goodbye'.....maybe he was afraid he'd be very upset, that he'd cry, that he'd be too emotional....maybe he's worried that while he's gone you'll forget about him or meet someone else. Maybe he knew how badly you'd miss him and that tore him up inside.......so maybe he decided that if he left with you hating him, he wouldn't have to confront his feelings? Although, if this is what he did, he sure was awfully hurtful and drastic...especially to tell you he never even loved you. I know you must be hurting tremendously, but it's time for you to be angry here.......his recent actions were atrocious, uncalled for, cruel and hurtful. That's not how you treat someone you've been with for 3 years, particularly when you're moving away. You deserve so much better than that crap. Whatever you do, do NOT contact him before he leaves/to say goodbye. He made his bed, now he has to lie in it. Let him see how he feels when he's gone/far away, and he's missing you and most likely feeling lonely and like a horse's ass. If you two were as much in love as you wrote, and if things were as good between you as you stated, and if there really WERE plans for you to move there in 6-7 months, then this guy is a cowardly butthole.....for WHATEVER reason he did this to you. Ignore him. If he calls you, don't talk to him. If he writes you, don't return his letters. At least for a while..give him a chance to think about what a dink he was. Again, I'm sorry. Maybe a guy (Tony?) might have some other insight into why your man was such a putz. Laurynn Link to post Share on other sites
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