Does this merit being P***ED off??

[PPT]

Ok..so I know this is going to seem like SUCH a little thing...but I am aggravated about it so I am venting.

 

Yesterday...my lovely BF went to a BBQ with his friends...a BBQ that I was invited to, at the last minute, after my BF had said to me about 100 times that he was going there to hang with the guys...so I said, "Thanks for the invite...but you go and have a good time with your friends." Right? Ok...no big deal at all...I am all for space and separate lives, interests...all that good stuff.

 

So I talked to my BF before he left...I guess around 5:00 or so..he said he would call me when he got home. Well...I got NO phone call last night...which AT FIRST really did not bother me because I live with my 81 year old grandfather, and I am thinking, "ok..he got in late, did not want to call..." So on and so forth. This has happened before....where he got in too late to call...I always get a call at work by 10:00 the next morning. Well...this morning...I got nothing. My BF works with his father, a contractor, and (thanks to my close relationship with his stepmother)...I know that he WENT to work this morning and is out on the job. Still..that usually will not stop him from grabbing his dad's cell and calling me for 2 minutes to say hello....aside from the fact that I KNOW the friend that he was with last night owns a cell phone...he could have borrowed it for a quick call to me letting me know he would be in late. That would have been considerate, you know?

 

Ok so I am mad about that...but here is the other problem...I got a call early last night from a friend of mine who owns a bar...asking me if I would do her business cards on my computer. Now, my ex works at this bar...as a matter of fact, we used to work there together (after we split up and I was already with my BF now...which my BF is well aware of). Ok..sure no problem so I go down to the bar to pick up the stuff (the bar is closed on Sundays...expecting just her to be there)...and my ex was there helping them do some renovations. No biggie...we have always remained friends since our split a year ago (we dated for 3 years..have been friends almost 7). Well...his car had broken down and he asked me for a lift home (he lives near me). So I drove him home...we "caught up" on each other's lives..haven't talked in a while...I dropped him off and then went home myself. Like I said, no big deal...my ex is WELL aware of my current relationship and respects it...and I am happy that we have remained friends because there is a bond there.

 

Ok..so why am I telling you all this stuff? well...I think that I am getting a little paranoid, but I keep thinking...what if SOMEHOW...my BF saw me in my car with my ex and got the wrong idea?? Yes..I know this is a LITTLE far-fetched, seeing as my BF was at a BBQ like an HOUR from where we live...but still, it could happen right? AND..this is unusual behavior for him NOT to call like this..and it was not like we were having any problems or fighting or anything like that. ASBOLUTELY NOTHING happened with my ex...I would NEVER do that to my BF...it was all as simple as I said...but still, you know?

 

OK...your thoughts? Please feel free to tell me I am being a paranoid lunatic...it's just really bothering me, aside from the fact that I am REALLY starting to get pissed at my BF for not calling...

 

Thanks for letting me vent, feedback GREATLY appreciated...and god bless!

 

PPT

[Tony T]

The only problem I see here is that you are pissed off because you have made a demand that he call you every morning.

 

The number one reason for relationship problems and divorce is having unreasonable demands and expectations. Any time you place a demand or have an expectation regarding the behavior of another human being, you set yourself up for gross disappointment.

 

Sure, it would have been really nice if he would have called you last night. After all, you have taken it completely for granted that he will call you when he usually does. Yes, it would have been great if he would have called you this morning like you have taken for granted but he didn't. Disappointment might be in order but being angry about that is pretty irrational. I just don't think it's being nice to yourself to get all worked up.

 

I also think you make a major mistake when you take certain events for granted and count on them occuring with regularity.

 

Now, as far as the possibility of him seeing you in a car with your ex. It would be insane on the part of your boyfriend not to call you because he saw you...if indeed he did. The chances of him having seen you are almost nil.

 

But if he did and if you relationship is halfway decent, he would have called you on the phone and commented on his sighting. He would have given you an opportunity to explain and that would have been the end of it. So, if your boyfriend isn't calling you because he saw you in the car with your ex and thought the two of you had just had sex and were going to run off together and take over the world or something, he is pretty nuts and not worth your time.

 

So, my advice is not to worry about whether he saw you with your ex. If he did and is giving you the silent treatment, you don't have much of a relationhip...and you certainly don't need somebody like him to go through life with.

 

If he didn't call you, he probably has a very good reason. But if he just didn't want to call, that's also fine. He has no obligation to do so. Part of that space you seem to be so proud to give him is cutting him some slack and letting him off the hook when he doesn't make scheduled calls. You need to get out of the routine mindset and start enjoying some surprises.

 

My gut feeling is you are putting too much of your personal being and your life into your relationship and not letting yourself grow as an individual. You need to understand that you have a life much separate from your boyfriend and you better enjoy it NOW. One day, you will have kids and your entire life will be consumed by kids, husband, bills, doctor visits, PTA, preparing meals, etc. and it could be many years before you once again have time to enjoy yourself.

[PPT]

Tony...first of all thank you for your quick and honest response to my post...I certainly appreciate it.

 

Ok...let me just give a couple of clarifications. I DO NOT expect my BF to call me every morning...in fact...I normally hear from him when he gets home from work..and if I don't then it is later on in the evening and that does not bother me in the least, I assure you. What IS bothering me about this whole thing is that this behavior is ABNORMAL for my BF...and while I think that you are correct in that I DO take for granted that he will call when expected to call...to completely stray from his normal routine is just setting off an alarm bell with me, honestly that is all. Like I said, when I did not hear from him last night, it did not bother me at all..I just went to bed. It did not bother me until I did not hear from him this morning either. But what can I do? Only time will give me those answers.

 

I fully agree with what you said about my ex...you are right about that. And..I doubt that happened in the first place, just me dwelling on all things.

 

Once again, thank you very much for your response...I agree with you telling me to concentrate on my own life and not put SO much weight on my relationship with my BF..i am trying.

 

God bless!

The only problem I see here is that you are pissed off because you have made a demand that he call you every morning. The number one reason for relationship problems and divorce is having unreasonable demands and expectations. Any time you place a demand or have an expectation regarding the behavior of another human being, you set yourself up for gross disappointment.

 

Sure, it would have been really nice if he would have called you last night. After all, you have taken it completely for granted that he will call you when he usually does. Yes, it would have been great if he would have called you this morning like you have taken for granted but he didn't. Disappointment might be in order but being angry about that is pretty irrational. I just don't think it's being nice to yourself to get all worked up. I also think you make a major mistake when you take certain events for granted and count on them occuring with regularity. Now, as far as the possibility of him seeing you in a car with your ex. It would be insane on the part of your boyfriend not to call you because he saw you...if indeed he did. The chances of him having seen you are almost nil. But if he did and if you relationship is halfway decent, he would have called you on the phone and commented on his sighting. He would have given you an opportunity to explain and that would have been the end of it. So, if your boyfriend isn't calling you because he saw you in the car with your ex and thought the two of you had just had sex and were going to run off together and take over the world or something, he is pretty nuts and not worth your time. So, my advice is not to worry about whether he saw you with your ex. If he did and is giving you the silent treatment, you don't have much of a relationhip...and you certainly don't need somebody like him to go through life with. If he didn't call you, he probably has a very good reason. But if he just didn't want to call, that's also fine. He has no obligation to do so. Part of that space you seem to be so proud to give him is cutting him some slack and letting him off the hook when he doesn't make scheduled calls. You need to get out of the routine mindset and start enjoying some surprises. My gut feeling is you are putting too much of your personal being and your life into your relationship and not letting yourself grow as an individual. You need to understand that you have a life much separate from your boyfriend and you better enjoy it NOW. One day, you will have kids and your entire life will be consumed by kids, husband, bills, doctor visits, PTA, preparing meals, etc. and it could be many years before you once again have time to enjoy yourself.

[marzipan75]

Hey,

 

What about calling your boyfriend? It is a little paranoid and I'll tell you that because I'm the queen of paranoid. The worst thing is not knowing and you won't know until you call him. Maybe your boyfriend is just tired from going out and stuff or maybe something else is going on with him. I don't know and I'm totally not trying to give you wrong ideas or make you more paranoid here but jumping to conclusions without at least calling him won't help you. You must have those numbers either at his work or his place and if he's not called you after a couple of days then it certainly warrants a visit in person. The point is you can't keep just wondering if something's wrong, you must call or find him and ask him. Otherwise you're worrying yourself sick over something that could really be nothing.

 

I hope this helps, I've been there, when the guy hasn't called and all I can say is it sounds kind of normal but I'm not an expert. I hope things work out for you.

 

Ok..so I know this is going to seem like SUCH a little thing...but I am aggravated about it so I am venting. Yesterday...my lovely BF went to a BBQ with his friends...a BBQ that I was invited to, at the last minute, after my BF had said to me about 100 times that he was going there to hang with the guys...so I said, "Thanks for the invite...but you go and have a good time with your friends." Right? Ok...no big deal at all...I am all for space and separate lives, interests...all that good stuff. So I talked to my BF before he left...I guess around 5:00 or so..he said he would call me when he got home. Well...I got NO phone call last night...which AT FIRST really did not bother me because I live with my 81 year old grandfather, and I am thinking, "ok..he got in late, did not want to call..." So on and so forth. This has happened before....where he got in too late to call...I always get a call at work by 10:00 the next morning. Well...this morning...I got nothing. My BF works with his father, a contractor, and (thanks to my close relationship with his stepmother)...I know that he WENT to work this morning and is out on the job. Still..that usually will not stop him from grabbing his dad's cell and calling me for 2 minutes to say hello....aside from the fact that I KNOW the friend that he was with last night owns a cell phone...he could have borrowed it for a quick call to me letting me know he would be in late. That would have been considerate, you know? Ok so I am mad about that...but here is the other problem...I got a call early last night from a friend of mine who owns a bar...asking me if I would do her business cards on my computer. Now, my ex works at this bar...as a matter of fact, we used to work there together (after we split up and I was already with my BF now...which my BF is well aware of). Ok..sure no problem so I go down to the bar to pick up the stuff (the bar is closed on Sundays...expecting just her to be there)...and my ex was there helping them do some renovations. No biggie...we have always remained friends since our split a year ago (we dated for 3 years..have been friends almost 7). Well...his car had broken down and he asked me for a lift home (he lives near me). So I drove him home...we "caught up" on each other's lives..haven't talked in a while...I dropped him off and then went home myself. Like I said, no big deal...my ex is WELL aware of my current relationship and respects it...and I am happy that we have remained friends because there is a bond there.

 

Ok..so why am I telling you all this stuff? well...I think that I am getting a little paranoid, but I keep thinking...what if SOMEHOW...my BF saw me in my car with my ex and got the wrong idea?? Yes..I know this is a LITTLE far-fetched, seeing as my BF was at a BBQ like an HOUR from where we live...but still, it could happen right? AND..this is unusual behavior for him NOT to call like this..and it was not like we were having any problems or fighting or anything like that. ASBOLUTELY NOTHING happened with my ex...I would NEVER do that to my BF...it was all as simple as I said...but still, you know? OK...your thoughts? Please feel free to tell me I am being a paranoid lunatic...it's just really bothering me, aside from the fact that I am REALLY starting to get pissed at my BF for not calling...

 

Thanks for letting me vent, feedback GREATLY appreciated...and god bless! PPT