Delphi Posted November 29, 2005 Share Posted November 29, 2005 I desperately need some advice. Any feedback is greatly appreciated! Okay...I'm sure that this scenario has been talked about at length on this site, but I have a "friend with benefits" that is sending me mixed signals. Though he emphatically told me in the beginning (a few months ago) that he does not want a relationship, his actions speak differently. Some examples: 1. He constantly questions who I talk to when I get a phone call if we're spending time together (most likely to see if it's another guy) 2. He does not call to invite me places, instead asking his roommate to ask me to go. 3. He'll bring up bad qualities about guys he sees me talking to. 4. He has brought up that he would like to go out with me to the movies, dinner, etc. but will never actually ask me out to do these things. 5. He has shown interest in meeting my friends. There are some examples, but I don't know what they mean. We've been in our "physical relationship" for some time and I'm unsure whether he does those above examples because he's afraid that I may become attached, or because he is becoming attached and doesn't want to admit it. Both of us have just come out of serious relationships (isn't that always the case?), plus...he's moving this summer. Any ideas? Link to post Share on other sites
drgnflybethany Posted November 29, 2005 Share Posted November 29, 2005 Dump him... the sooner the better... I live in a fourplex with three guys... the one above me is doing the exact same thing to a girl... He likes her, thinks she's cute, but he told her up front (as did the guy you are seeing) that he is not a boyfriend - he's not interested in a relationship (and in fairness to the guy above me, he's a pretty decent guy, on a friendship level... but he wants to date a lot of women at one time...) So, pretty much when a guy says he doesn't want a relationship, he doesn't want a relationship... and kudos to the guy for telling you that... HOWEVER, we're concerned here with you - and that is - he's not going to magically stop one day, take you in his arms, and beg you to be his. Date whomever you please, and when he asks you the questions that make you feel uncomfortable, tell him that it's none of his business, and if he wants to make it his business, you're perfectly willing to discuss that option, but it appears he's not. Cut your losses and run, girl, run... because no girl will change the guy I'm living underneath, and a good hunch is that no girl will change this guy's attitude either... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Delphi Posted November 30, 2005 Author Share Posted November 30, 2005 Good advice. Oddly enough, what you posted has been going through my mind all along and I haven't paid attention to it and discarded the rational for the "emotionally romantic." It's just stupid how he seems to be infatuated (sort of), acting very immature around me, yet launched into this with me with very straightforward guidelines. Can you even tell if someone is lying to protect themselves? Or, being honest? In many ways, his actions are confusing on this issue. Link to post Share on other sites
drgnflybethany Posted November 30, 2005 Share Posted November 30, 2005 Most men's actions are confusing... at least to me.. and if anyone writes one of those "Men for Dummies" books, please get me a copy... Take heart - it's not only women who are confused by men - gay men are as confused by their own kind at times... And not all men are confusing - some/most just don't know what they want... The post I posted - and you kindly replied to - it's very odd in my little world for a man to remember me and me not remember him... VERY odd... I remember - seriously - people I met twenty years ago... My recall very easy - very genuine... and my only recourse on this is - when we met in the elevator , I'm guessing the first time... I was going through a lot - and he looked way too young - and way too out of my league... I'd post a picture of him if I felt it was right... My point is - the guy before him - I really felt he liked me... there were a lot of hints - and maybe he did and maybe he had issues of a political nature - and maybe he had a girlfriend... I tend not to see men as challenges - not when they have a girlfriend... I'm very respectful of that.. but, there are times, when I would really like to hear - "I just don't like you that way..." Yes, the whole friends line sucks - but at least you know... you know? I hope you get passed this... it's an ugly spot to be in.. *hugs* Link to post Share on other sites
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