hopelessly_naive Posted November 30, 2005 Share Posted November 30, 2005 Okay here's a little background info into my situation, I meet a guy a few months ago, we were just friends, he had a live-in girlfriend and I just wasn't looking for anything. His girlfriend ended up cheating on him and leaving him about a month ago. He was devestated and I was just trying to be friendly and helpful by letting him vent. This lead to us hanging out and we began talking about other things and eventually one thing lead to another and we began seeing eachother. He told me he'd never had a short term relationship and that he wasn't planning on changing that now and that he really cared about me. This was all fine with me and I knew he wasn't 100% over his ex but I also knew he was developing feelings for me and since I was still a little unsure, this was alright with me. Now he says he needs time by himself and that he's unsure because although his ex is f***ing someone else she keeps insinuating that maybe they could eventually get back together. He says he's really messed up and he just needs time but he still wants to talk, but just talk (he's also just talking with the ex too, which is somewhat understandable because they have a kid together). I'm okay with this for a little while but I'm starting to get parinoid. I never planned on liking this guy and now it feels like it's a fifty fifty chance that I'm going to get burned and the stress of it all has my nerves shoot. I wish I could just blow him off but the problem is he actually is a really good guy and he's trying not to lead me on, or else he wouldn't have talked to me about all of this but it's all just so hard. He said that he hoped I could wait but he'd understand if I couldn't. I guess I just need some feedback on all this. I'm fairly young and inexperienced and I'm just not used to having to deal with situations like this. So does anyone out there think I should wait a few weeks, or just cut my loses? Link to post Share on other sites
witabix Posted November 30, 2005 Share Posted November 30, 2005 You are fairly ypung, he has a whole load of stuff to deal with including a child. You probably do not need all this drama in your life. Go out and have some fun. You are not this guys counselor, you don't owe him anything. Link to post Share on other sites
michaelk Posted November 30, 2005 Share Posted November 30, 2005 As long as you were just friends, it was fine for you to provide a shoulder for him to cry on. Now that you've gone past the friends stage, you've become part of his problem - he's emotionally involved with you and his ex. So I don't see how you can provide that shoulder anymore. He needs an objective friend, and you need to figure out just how much emotional turmoil you're willing to go through for this guy, because with a child involved, there's going to be turmoil! Link to post Share on other sites
Author hopelessly_naive Posted November 30, 2005 Author Share Posted November 30, 2005 I just feel that I can't turn my back on him now, he keeps wanting to talk (just talk) and I don't want to stop because I know he's talking to his ex too. And it's not like he ever wanted to be just friends, he admited to me that the first time he asked me to hang out by ourselves (this was after his ex dumped him) that he already saw a possibility for something, but I was just to clueless to notice it at the time. It's just so hard for me to meet people, let alone meet someone who I can talk to so easily about anything and everything. I'm trying to concentrate on college and the other activities in my life but I keep thinking about him. This whole thing is driving me crazy! Link to post Share on other sites
morrigan Posted November 30, 2005 Share Posted November 30, 2005 You're no longer just friends with him, as Michaelk said, you're emotionally involved, and you're going to be hurt and angry if he goes back to his ex or decides to keep you in the 'friend zone' and see other women. I'd back off from spending time with him, be friendly when you see him, but don't get involved in his personal problems. Keeping up the regular contact with him is going to fuel your hopes of having a great relationship with this guy, instead of seeing him as a good guy clearly on the rebound who needs time alone to sort out his problems. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hopelessly_naive Posted November 30, 2005 Author Share Posted November 30, 2005 This is all very sound advice and I'm taking it under serious consideration but just one question, what do I do when he contacts me? He keeps calling and emailing and he says how much he cares and how beautiful I am and how he just needs a little time, what I'm I supposed to do with that? Link to post Share on other sites
Mary3 Posted November 30, 2005 Share Posted November 30, 2005 Do NOT get any further involved. You are going to get HURT and then post on here wondering why a girl who A ) Was not/ and is not over her bf and is hurting for a shoulder to cry on while B ) Still talking to her ex and C ) Is confused and unsure.. Are you going to be the puppy waiting around and then eagerly wagging your tail when she picks you ?? Wrong ! Please cut ties. Move on. You will get hurt. Whether its next week or next month. They have a connection and OBVIOUSLY are talking about their future... . Yeowchh ! Get out now . Link to post Share on other sites
Author hopelessly_naive Posted November 30, 2005 Author Share Posted November 30, 2005 How do you cut off all ties to someone? Do you just not reply to their attempts to contact you? (because that seems a little rude and callus) Or do I just poltiely respond but not leave anything open for future contact? I'm still a little unsure about all of this but after reading more of others peoples stories I'm a lot more afraid of getting hurt. Link to post Share on other sites
michaelk Posted November 30, 2005 Share Posted November 30, 2005 Well, I suppose you could just cut him off. But I think that would be pretty harsh. It's not like he's done anything to you to deserve that kind of treatment. How about just being honest? I appreciate honesty. Tell him that you're afraid of becoming further involved with him while his life is in disarray. Also tell him that you can't help him straighten things out, since he's expressed an interest in you and thereby made you part of the drama. He needs to get back on an even keel. Then if you're both still interested, you can see where things lead. In the meantime, I think you need to be polite but disengage yourself as much as you can, for your own good. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hopelessly_naive Posted December 2, 2005 Author Share Posted December 2, 2005 Just thought I'd keep everyone updated and say it turns out I didn't even need to polietly disengage myself, he disengaged himself from me (meaning avoiding all contact with me, or at least it appears that way). Which is actually probobly a good thing but it just makes it hurt even worse. I guess I was just wondering if anyone else has gone though a similar situation and how they managed to get through it. Link to post Share on other sites
Mary3 Posted December 3, 2005 Share Posted December 3, 2005 Thats the * Pansy * way of breaking up. Avoiding the person until they just become confused hurt and end up where you are today. Link to post Share on other sites
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