Irish3415 Posted November 30, 2005 Share Posted November 30, 2005 First of all thank you for taking the time to give me advice..Where to start?..OK Well I have dated this woman for a little over 4years, when a few months back she approached me about being unhappy with her life...well being a very understanding person I stepped back and gave her space, and time to figure things out..after about 3 weeks she called me and we met up, we discussed things, and come to find out she had be diagnosed with clinical depression, and anxiety...she asked me to be very patient with her, and her feelings are very fragile, but she needed a break to figure things "break-up". Anyways so I have been given her space and time, and only being there as a friend per-say....anyways we have been on dates, we have been intimate, and we have had small arguments...in which she has responded "THEN WHY ARE YOU WITH ME"....in my mind I am like well we are not together are we?...so this goes on for a few weeks, then on night we get into the discussion about "US"...well she precedes to tell me she is not "IN LOVE" with me and for the past 4 years she has not been "IN LOVE" with me, so as to my surprise..this is a horrible blow to the heart, we had talked marriage, children the whole shabang...so I decided I have had enough and I just leave....so fast forward to this past weekend...I go over to get the rest of my things and she kisses me... We end up having a discussion about how her heart was ripped apart by a guy she dated 6-7 yrs ago, he physically and mentally abused her, he cheated on her repeatedly..and that she is incapable of love, she doesnt keep close friends, so she want get hurt, and she pushes people away....long story short, we have sex, and then afterwards she ask me if I want to be "FWB"....I know I cant emotionally handle this do to the fact that I still love her......I really think she needs therapy..and I want to help her try to feel that she is capable of love....but I don't know if this is a good decision on my part or not....I have no idea what is going through her head, nor what I should do. I KNOW THIS IS A F'ED UP SITUATION, SO ANY HELP WOULD BE GREATLY APPRECIATED. Link to post Share on other sites
JS17 Posted November 30, 2005 Share Posted November 30, 2005 If she is willing to go to therapy to work on this she can overcome it but she has to want to. It will be years before she is able to love again. You have to decide what is best for you, whether you want to stay with her or not through all of this. Once she finishes therapy she may find herself having changed so much that either or both of you are no longer right for each other. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Irish3415 Posted November 30, 2005 Author Share Posted November 30, 2005 I really would like to help her as to the fact that I do Love her....but I know it would be partly a selfish act..as to that I would hope it would help my situation out...but as you said in fact after all said and done, we both may feel different in the end. Which I know will be hard to deal with, it is not the end of the world....as hopefully from that she will be able to trust, and feel once again....and I guess there is always the chance she will not want to change..or that the therapy willl not help her....alot of bridges that will have to be crossed if I decied to take that leap.....Thanks again for the replies Link to post Share on other sites
Mary3 Posted November 30, 2005 Share Posted November 30, 2005 I would realize the reality because its a lifetime of insecurity . If thats what you want and she's worth staying with and working together , then do it. Note : Its alot of work on her part to get right with herself. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts