Getting to the heart

[Lauren]

We've been seeing each other for almost a year now. I thought about this a while ago. Six months ago I knew him; eight months ago I knew him, a year ago I did not know him. I cannot even remember what it was like a year ago without him in my life. I know that I want him there three months from now, six months from now, two years from now. I certainly don't need him to complete me - it is truly wonderful having someone to honestly share with!

 

We both care about each other and there are true feelings there. We both know that we are in this for the long-haul and that we want to work on it - TOGETHER. We both like each other around and enjoy plans knonwing that we will be together. We work very well together. We are also both very scared. Maybe for some of the same reasons, I know for different reasons as well. I'm scared because I actually have what I have always wanted! HUH? I'm not letting fear run my life, however, it does enter in when I don't particularly want it to. I do best when I remember that without risk, everything is lost. If something were to happen to him without me telling him again that I love him and appreciate him - I'd be crushed. We have managed quite well and really have established a relationship. I feel like we are a married couple - these are some of the tests. I know that he wants me there and he wants to share his life - he needs to get beyond his past and his past failings. I want to be there and to share - I need to get beyond my past hurts and realize that it doesn't have to be perfect either!

 

Some advice on how to ease into it without him feeling that I am pushing him or forcing something beyond our speed. I'm open to all suggestions.

[chick]

it sounds to me like you have a very healthy relationship with this guy....as you said, he doesn't "complete" you (i don't think anyone "completes" anyone), but he is someone you want to share with. but you are in a position where you have found happiness and contentment, yet you are scared you might lose it......am i on the ball here??? just because your past relationships haven't worked out, don't let that phase you in your current relationship.of course, not all relationships last, even the good ones, and we have to be aware that there is always a possiblity things won't work out, as a wise person once told me (thanks, Miss Mojo!).

 

i think you need to relax a bit, and let things progress naturally. it's obvious you both care very deeply for each other, and you both see a future together, so why not just go with the flow and take things as they come? stop thinking so far ahead, live for today and be in the moment. you never know what can happen tomorrow, as you stated.

 

let him know how much you appreciate him and don't ever take him for granted. you've found someone who makes you happy, so enjoy it and do your best not to stress yourself out about losing it. why shouldn't you deserve some happiness in a relationship?? if you both have to take it slow in this relationship, then so be it. take it at a pace that is comfortable for you both. have you talked to him about this? be honest and open with him, and TELL him you don't want to feel like you are forcing him into anything....open the communication lines here and express how you are feeling. talk about whatever works for you both in being able to trust each other and in getting over past hurts and relationships. TALK TO HIM......it's the best way you are going to get through this....together. good luck!