Virgin mysteries

[Confused]

I'm 30, I was a virgin until I met my current gf about 4months ago.

 

I didn't tell her I was a virgin when we first had sex. We had discussed previous partners, but I had declined to discuss my history (so I didn't lie), I just said that I didn't want to talk about it. I told her after we had had sex twice, mainly to help explain why I had such stage fright.

 

The other night we were talking and she said that she almost broke up with me because of this. She said that if she had known she would NEVER have had sex with me so soon (6th date) and would have waited much longer because she would have been aware of the 'responsibility' that it would have enatiled. I told her that I didn't want to tell her at that stage because she may have seen me as wierd, and I certainly did not feel like trusting the timing of my virginity loss to a realtive stranger anymore at 30. By this time I just wanted to go with it and stop putting so much weight on it (I guess for fear of getting hurt again).

 

We seem to be going quite well now, and by her admission our sex life is improving quite well.

 

Why did she feel the need to bring this up?

[Miss Mojo]

hi confused,

 

well, i can't read your girlfriend's mind, but if i were in the same situation as her, my only reason for bringing it up would probably just be general chit-chat and to let the guy know that despite the fact i was considering breaking-up with him, it was a good thing that i didn't, because things have progressed really well.

 

i know some people are a bit wary of being with a virgin because they're afraid that once their cherry has been popped, their partner may want to go out and experience a lot more than one person. i think this is quite a natural thing to feel because a lot of people (especially those who lose their virginity quite young), seem to want experience sex with other people. sex often brings people closer, and maybe in hindsight, she feels that getting emotionally close first would have guaranteed her a less chance of you possibly wanting to leave to experience more.

 

no one can really say, because we don't live in her mind. but my points above are based only how *i* would feel in that situation. if it's weighing on your mind, perhaps you should talk to her about it.

 

she was probably only being honest about how she felt about it *at the time*, but by her own admissions, it is not an issue any more, which in itself is a good sign.

 

i hope you two are very happy together

[Tony T]

YOU ASK: "Why did she feel the need to bring this up?"

 

No particular reason...probably just to make conversation. Tell her to put it out of her mind and forget it.

 

It's very likely that had she known you were a virgin at the time of your first encounter with her, she would have enjoyed the thrill a bit more and perhaps had a little more fun with you...and your mind. Women love their little virgins, you know.

 

Let her know you want it to be a nice memory for both of you but there's no need to discuss it further.

 

My hat's off to you for one thing. Most guys freak out after hearing about their girl's past sex partners. That you didn't is perhaps a sign of maturity...or a sign you aren't as whacked out as many men seem to be.

 

I'm glad the two of you are doing well. Drop this virgin stuff ASAP and enjoy the ongoing relationship.

[Ajay]

Hi Tony! You wrote: "Women love their little virgins, you

 

know." (you're kiddin' around right?)

 

I'm definitely not one of those women, though I have had the opportunity...

 

We were both about 23 (he was a virgin, I was not) we had been friends since the age of 16; he had a big crush on me, I considered him one of my best friends. We dated a few times and started to get close but then he told me he was a virgin, and I put on the brakes.

 

For the record, I DID NOT want to be the one to de-flower this young man and suggested he wait and be with someone "special". For me it would have been just sex for the fun of it, but he wanted a serious relationship. I never have been and never wanted to be with a virgin.

 

TO CONFUSED: I understand the "responsibility" your lady spoke of, as I felt some of the same in my case. BUT, we were much younger and were not a couple. To me, it was a "puppy love" kind of thing and I wanted NO part of it, especially not with the added complication of sex.

[Ernie]

Hey confused buddy, I'm with you on this! I for one ,am sick and tired of women holding things against a guy because he "experienced" some things late in life!! God!! When are women going to learn to overlook some things??

 

My God!! Some of us just simply want a chance to prove ourselves with them, not neccessarily with sex, but just being a good companion too!! Look at me, I'm 40 and what gets held against me? I'll tell ya! Never having been married!! That's what!! I'm tired of trying to understand women!! I better never hear where some woman dumps a guy because he may decide to wait and have sex with her after getting married!! THAT would be utterly rediculous!! ~Ernie

I'm 30, I was a virgin until I met my current gf about 4months ago. I didn't tell her I was a virgin when we first had sex. We had discussed previous partners, but I had declined to discuss my history (so I didn't lie), I just said that I didn't want to talk about it. I told her after we had had sex twice, mainly to help explain why I had such stage fright. The other night we were talking and she said that she almost broke up with me because of this. She said that if she had known she would NEVER have had sex with me so soon (6th date) and would have waited much longer because she would have been aware of the 'responsibility' that it would have enatiled. I told her that I didn't want to tell her at that stage because she may have seen me as wierd, and I certainly did not feel like trusting the timing of my virginity loss to a realtive stranger anymore at 30. By this time I just wanted to go with it and stop putting so much weight on it (I guess for fear of getting hurt again). We seem to be going quite well now, and by her admission our sex life is improving quite well. Why did she feel the need to bring this up?