question for guys

[archbean]

so i have a question for the guys, but anyone's welcome to answer.

 

for as long as i can remember, i've keep my feelings buried really deep in what i call my shells. i'm not a very open person, i don't trust very many people at all, and i don't like to talk about my emotions. i've been told by friends and family that i come across as angry most of the time, because that's how most people interpret my blank face. i can see where people might see me as intimidating, which i have also been told i am, but i don't think i'm very scary at all.

 

are guys generally intimidated by a rather detached loner? i haven't really been concerned about this before at all, but i've been noticing that men don't even appear to express interest in me, and i'm just wondering if it could be because i'm standoffish, or simply because they don't find me attractive? i don't want to scare people off, but i also like being able to live on a college campus in a large city and not have to worry about being attacked, because no one gives me a second glance to begin with. any insights would be helpful! thanks

[Outcast]

Do you want to be with someone who appears angry or unhappy? Do you gravitate to people like that?

 

The quickest way to attract people is to start smiling. This doesn't mean you do it on the subway late at night but when you're among your peers or with people you'd like to know better, loosen up and look pleasant. Nothing's more magical in terms of getting attention.

[alphamale]

for as long as i can remember, i've keep my feelings buried really deep in what i call my shells. i'm not a very open person, i don't trust very many people at all, and i don't like to talk about my emotions.

most men like the company of women who are feminine....that includes being open, postitive and talking about your feelings and emotions. the majorilty of males don't want to date or marry females who act like males.

[Moose]

most men like the company of women who are feminine....that includes being open, postitive and talking about your feelings and emotions. the majorilty of males don't want to date or marry females who act like males.

We are sooooo different Alpha! I'm definitely not most men.....where do you get these generalized notions anyway......what makes you the authority to speak for, "most men".....I've asked that before, but you've never answered me on that one.

 

I married Mrs. Moose JUST because she didn't follow me around like a lost puppy, pour her heart to me every chance she got, left me alone when I wanted to be left alone.

 

I don't care to ask her about her feelings or emotions unless SHE brings it up herself. (She has probably done that twice in the past 18 years).

 

She is stand offish, and I have no complaints whatsoever......how does that make her, "act" like a man????

 

Archbean,

 

I'd be willing to bet that you are extremely attractive, and would be a very nice catch for any man.

 

People most likely don't approach you, because of indimidation, more for your beauty than anything else. Fear of you rejecting them......nothing to worry about............

[atx|td21]

WOW... Exactly how I am but in guy form.. crazy.. I just started my first thread about something similiar.. Id help ya if I knew how.

[alphamale]

We are sooooo different Alpha! I'm definitely not most men.....

no sweat, MOOSE, then you are in the minority...

 

where do you get these generalized notions anyway......what makes you the authority to speak for, "most men".....I've asked that before, but you've never answered me on that one.

let's see, um, I read, listen to the radio, learn from others, learn thru experience, went to college, etc....pretty much what most other educated people do.

[Moose]

let's see, um, I read, listen to the radio, learn from others, learn thru experience, went to college, etc....pretty much what most other educated people do.

I have to disagree. None of that makes you an authority.

 

I guess it's your delivery that's misleading.

 

Instead of saying, "most men ........", why not say, "I think most men".....or "I believe most men".......instead of speaking for all of us???

[SmoochieFace]

let's see, um, I read, listen to the radio, learn from others, learn thru experience, went to college, etc....pretty much what most other educated people do.

 

Well, I suppose one would also have to consider the sources of his/her *education*.

 

One could read Gene Simmons' Tongue magazine, one could listen to Howard Stern, one could learn from manipulative scumbags, one could learn thru experience with prostitutes, one could have gone to a *party* school, etc...

[atx|td21]

well said Moose..

[slubberdegullion]

most men like the company of women who are feminine....that includes being open, postitive and talking about your feelings and emotions.

You're kidding, right?

 

Since when do "most men" like the idea of listening to the erratic emotions and all that mushy "feelings" stuff?

 

Good gosh, man, that's why I got divorced from wife #2! All she ever did was whine about how important her feelings were, to the exclusion of everything and everyone else, and let her emotions run rampant. That's why guys have the inner "tune-out" mechanism, so we can look like we're listening but we're actually thinking about football or hockey.

[alphamale]

I guess it's your delivery that's misleading.

 

Instead of saying, "most men ........", why not say, "I think most men".....or "I believe most men".......instead of speaking for all of us???

I disagree MOOSE, remember english class?? When someone is writing something the "I think" or "its my opinion" part is assumed. Since you are writing the phrase its already understood it is your thought or opinion. It would be redundant.

[Moose]

I disagree MOOSE, remember english class?? When someone is writing something the "I think" or "its my opinion" part is assumed. Since you are writing the phrase its already understood it is your thought or opinion. It would be redundant.

WHAT?? Please tell me you're kidding???!!!

 

Remind me NOT to send my kids to your english class.

[Butternut]

alpha's right about the "i think"/"IMO" thing...

 

and standoffish-ness isnt exactly a great quality in a girl...at least not to me

[alphamale]

WHAT?? Please tell me you're kidding???!!!

 

Remind me NOT to send my kids to your english class.

I learned that in high school. I went to one of the top ten private high schools in the U.S. Robin Williams is a graduate and he actually was in a movie that was loosely based upon the school and the character he played was based upon one of the teachers he had there. The name of the movie was Dead Poets Society.

 

In additon, Chris Webber of the NBA graduated from the same school.

[reddog63]

Not intimadated by a loner type............but if they are sullen all the time with no sense of humor..........then I would probably stop interacting with them.

[beatlebob]

I learned that in high school. I went to one of the top ten private high schools in the U.S. Robin Williams is a graduate and he actually was in a movie that was loosely based upon the school and the character he played was based upon one of the teachers he had there. The name of the movie was Dead Poets Society.

 

In additon, Chris Webber of the NBA graduated from the same school.

 

Done bragging? Who cares?

 

Shy, mysterious girls are sexy. Girls that act bored or stuck up aren't.

[alphamale]

Done bragging? Who cares?.

I was just trying to point out to MOOSE that I learned that from a reputable institution. I mean, don't you think it is assumed that when you write something that it is your opinion or your belief?

[SmoochieFace]

So the school is reputable because Robin Williams and Chris Webber are alumni? Wow, guess I better save up those nickels and dimes and send my son there!

[alphamale]

So the school is reputable because Robin Williams and Chris Webber are alumni?

no, its reputable because its one of the best private high schools in america...I believe tuition is around $25,000 per year right now.

[SmoochieFace]

no, its reputable because its one of the best private high schools in america...I believe tuition is around $25,000 per year right now.

 

*pulling teeth now*

 

WHY is it *one of the best*?

 

The tuition figure is irrelevant when it comes to the school's reputation... and it certainly does not make it *one of the best*.

[basscatcher]

are guys generally intimidated by a rather detached loner? ........ but i've been noticing that men don't even appear to express interest in me, and i'm just wondering if it could be because i'm standoffish, or simply because they don't find me attractive? i don't want to scare people off, but i also like being able to live on a college campus in a large city and not have to worry about being attacked, because no one gives me a second glance to begin with. any insights would be helpful! thanks

 

I have to say that I have never kept my feelings or thoughts to myself. I don't hide who I am. BUT I have had the same problem you speak of- where I felt like I was unapproachable. It didn't bother me that I wasn't being approached or noticed when I was involved with someone or dealing with lifes issues; but when I wasn't wrapped up in my own world I noticed men didn't say hi to me or smile at me.

 

I started to ask my friends, family and even strangers (like in a club) why I am so unapproachable and I heard over and over and over: "You don't give eye contact, you don't smile or laugh openly and you need to open your mouth and say 'Hi' to people when you walk by them."

 

I started to think about my actions, I payed attention to how I walked, my posture, if I looked people in the eyes as I passed by them, if I ever smiled and said hi to anyone. I found I was looking down at the ground, I walked really fast like I was in a hurry and gave the attitude that "Don't F* with me I don't have time for you". I didn't smile or greet people when I did look at them..

 

I started to walk a little slower, I looked up off the ground and into peoples faces, gave eye contact, smiled and sometimes I even say 'hi' or 'good morning/afternnoon'. I started to do this when in a club and I things started to change for me. Now I go out in public and as long as I smile, give eye contact and sometimes greet someone I will get a possitive response.

 

Give it a try.. People like attention. Most people I think are nervous about rejection so they don't assert themselves. This doesn't mean you have to share your emotions/feelings/thoughts/opinions/ideas with anyone. You still can be private but you will also appear as friendly and more approachable.

 

I was once told that I looked like a little lost bytchy woman because I looked like I was always in a hurry, didn't look anyone straight in the face and never opened my mouth... No man wants a woman who is going to cower like a beaten dog or someone who has no time in the world for anything or anyone.

 

When you smile it shows in the tone of your voice, in your walk, in your posture, even in your appearance. Your eyes even brighten up, your eyebrows lift up and open your facial features more.

[Moose]

I was just trying to point out to MOOSE that I learned that from a reputable institution. I mean, don't you think it is assumed that when you write something that it is your opinion or your belief?

It's not a reputable school just because Robin Williams attended or because your parents paid 25k a year for you to go.

 

Around here tuition to a public school is 18k. (I had to check, my 15 year old is having issues at his school)

 

I went to one of the top ten private high schools in the U.S. Robin Williams is a graduate

More BS:

 

Robin Williams graduated from Redwood High School in Larkspur, California, north of San Francisco. - according to the internet movie data base.

 

That school is ranked 862 of the top 1000 in the country according to newsweek, 2003 -

 

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/8759025/site/newsweek/page/9/

 

When you write, "Most men prefer", it is out right speaking for all men. You are trying to state fact, when it's only your opinion. BIG difference.

 

When you think you're stating a fact, back it up....that's all I'm saying......

 

I prefer the OP's type as far as women are concerned.

 

I REST MY CASE!

[SmoochieFace]

Robin Williams graduated from Redwood High School in Larkspur, California, north of San Francisco. - according to the internet movie data base.

 

Looks like Alpha is guilty of *pulling a Michael Moore*.

[michaelk]

Archbean,

 

I'm well spoken, successful, educated, and confident in my abilities. Yet you might be surprised to learn that when it comes to women, I'm as afraid of rejection as anyone. If I met you, there's no doubt that your 'blank face' would put me off regardless of how attractive you are in other ways. You wouldn't even have to appear angry or intimidating; it's enough to seem unreceptive.

 

I agree with the advice that a little eye contact or an occasional smile will help you. Others are looking for a little signal from you that you're open to them. Once you put that signal out, they'll feel comfortable approaching you.

 

On a side note, it's too bad for archbean her post has been hijacked by a spat that is completely unrelated to her question. How about taking it elsewhere, guys?

[Nubemeister]

sorry bad post