A question for the ladies

[ohzee]

I hope you don’t mind me stepping on a dead horse. I seem to be using this site to vent, try to understand my predicament thru reading others miseries; I feel this is very much assisting in my healing process. First off, I feel compassion for all of you that are hurting like me. Okay, with that said….I want to ask the ladies a question or two. In brief I was dismissed from my relationship because apparently I am the rebound guy. As soon as her ex got wind that she was seeing someone else he came back begging for her return. So she takes him back and I am forced to take the walk of shame. Unfortunately it was with my heart crushed against the rocks of despair, very neatly stowed in my back pocket. So hear is the scenario….after speaking with mutual friends I find out that she had broken up her previous relationship because the sex was to say the least horrible. Evidently the guy is very reserved and didn’t go much further that the missionary position. This is what I hear anyways. Along I come and aside from showing her a wonderful relationship I introduce her to things she can’t even spell, never mind bend into. The relationship was fantastic in every way. Remember, I am still the rebound guy. My question is, is it possible that you would actually entertain the idea of a long term relationship with someone that does not satisfy you sexually? And if you do entertain this idea, how long do you think this will last for you. I spoke to her briefly after she had gone back to him and asked her how things were going for her. Her reply was …she was not as happy as she should be. So, I asked her, what the problem is. She replied…..the sex sucks. I then gave her the option of returning to what she did enjoy and the results are the present….she is still with him, (it has only been 3 weeks thus far). I am trying very hard to handle this maturely, even thru all the heartache. But I can’t seem to understand how a past love could be so great that you would compromise so many other wonderful qualities and resort back to something you left in the first place. Which obviously didn’t keep you happy? Your reply would help me understand a great deal. For you that are wondering, yes I am very much in love with her.

[runner22]

There seems to be more to it than sex. I mean, she's obviously with him NOT for the sex but for something else. Perhaps she connects with him in various ways and the lack of good sex is the relationship imperfection. Afterall, there is always a big imperfection in every relationship and that's the price we must pay for all the other wonderful qualities. It seems that as much as she wants good sex she values something else in this person that is making her stay with him. If you do love this girl, my advice is to be the person she needs you to be in her life...and that usually means her friend. Get to know her, spend time with her and let her discover how great you are. The most important thing, don't be pushy and be patient. Always be cautious with your own heart. Try to have real expectations and reasonable hope. Good luck! I'm no expert but I hope this helps a little.

[runner22]

There seems to be more to it than sex. I mean, she's obviously with him NOT for the sex but for something else. Perhaps she connects with him in various ways and the lack of good sex is the relationship imperfection. Afterall, there is always a big imperfection in every relationship and that's the price we must pay for all the other wonderful qualities. It seems that as much as she wants good sex she values something else in this person that is making her stay with him. If you do love this girl, my advice is to be the person she needs you to be in her life...and that usually means her friend. Get to know her, spend time with her and let her discover how great you are. The most important thing, don't be pushy and be patient. Always be cautious with your own heart. Try to have real expectations and reasonable hope. Good luck! I'm no expert but I hope this helps a little.

[Walk]

My question is, is it possible that you would actually entertain the idea of a long term relationship with someone that does not satisfy you sexually?

 

Doh. *slap head* Yes. I've been victim to bad sex relationship. Stuck it out for 9 years. You adjust...

 

I think I'm beginning to believe that bad sex is a symptom of an overall non-caring man. If he won't take the time or effort to please the woman in bed (assuming she's attempting to communicate her desires.) then he's probably not going to bother to try to please her out of the sack much either.