I am going crazy!!!

[Melz3]

This is a long one, I apologise in advance.

 

I met my friend Andrew a long time ago. We are both part of a close group of friends, and we see each other regularly. Until recently, I would have considered him one of my best friends.

 

We had know each other for about two years when we rented an apartment together. (as flatmates, no more!) We lived together for about two years, and during this time we had only two fights. (One over the car and another, stupidly enough, over how to cook popcorn.)

 

I must say, I look back on the time we were living together, and those were most likely the happiest days of my life. He had a girlfriend and I had a (few) boyfriends during this period. Still, we used to do everything together, and all our friends used to joke about us being the 'married couple'. We would sit up to all hours of the night talking, laughing and sharing time.

 

Despite how close we were, I honestly never I thought that I was in love with him. During two years of living together, and being drunk on MANY occassions (hey, we were uni students!!) there was never any drunken kisses of declarations of love.

 

After having lived together for two years, I went to China to study for one year. At this stage, I had a boyfriend (who I am still with). I was having a good time in China, my boyfriend came over to stay with me, and we did a lot of travelling. Me and Andrew did not keep in close contact, a few emails here and there, but we are both quite lazy! However, I did quite often think of Andrew, and he emailed me and told me that he was coming to visit. From that moment on I could not stop thinking about him.

 

He arrived in China with another friend from our group. My boyfriend does not really get along with any of my friends, so that first night Andrew (and Dom, our other friend) arrived, my boyfriend stayed in our hotel room.

 

In celebration of seeing each other again, we had quite a few drinks, and while Dom and Chrissy (yet another friend in China) were inside a bar dancing and chatting, me and Andrew went outside to talk. Somehow we ended up kissing.

 

I have throught of Andrew ever since. I love my boyfriend, but he is always on my mind. I know written like that it seems horrible, and I know that most people would say this is cheating on my boyfriend, however I love my boyfriend. We get along well.

 

I arrived back in Sydney (my hometown) later that year. Because we are part of the same social group, me and Andrew did see each other, however, even though I thought of him all the time, I did not indulge in any more conversation of what happened in China.

 

In January this year, 8 months after we saw each other in China, Andrew told me that he was in love with me. More so, he told me that he had broken up with his girlfriend because he could not lie to himself about it anymore. When he told me this, I was happy/confussed. I was happy because it was what I had wanted to hear for so long, confussed because I had a boyfriend, and by this stage I was living with him.

 

I basically told Andrew that I did not want anything to happen. I did not tell him my feelings for him, because I figured that this would only make it more difficult for the both of us. My boyfriend also found out that Andrew had told me these things, so naturally there is a lot of animosity between the two of them now.

 

I decided that I would avoid seeing Andrew as much as possible. I found this very difficult, as I mentioned previously, we are part of the same friendship group, so in order to avoid him, I had to avoid all of my friends and most social events. I became very depressed in this time.

 

I might add, that during this time me and my boyfriend powered on with our plans to buy a house together. I was still thinking of Andrew all the time, however I was convinced that by not seeing him I would be able to forget about him. Me and my boyfriend bought a house in May and moved into it together.

 

Finally, on the 29th September this year, I ventured out to a social event to see my long lost friends. I was so happy to see them again, as I had been extremely lonely. I love my boyfriend, and I love to spend time with him, however he is extremely anti-social and we had not really seen any other people other than work collegues and family since January. My boyfriend did not come along as he does not really get along with my friends.

 

I saw Andrew at this party, and all the feelings I had came rushing back to me. To cut a long story short, we both had too much red wine, and both ended up discussing our feelings for each other. We did not kiss or do anything physical, however it was quite a serious conversation.

 

Basically since this time, we have seen more and more of each other. I have been seeing more of my social group and I am happier than I have felt in a long time. However, me and Andrew have gotten closer and closer, and this is the part where I must 'fess up and tell you I have not being totally loyal to my boyfriend.

 

We have basically talked (alot) and realise we are both in love with each other. We both realised, that as soon as I moved to China, and we were not living together, we both missed each other A LOT! I have spent the majority of the past two years thinking of Andrew, and as horrible as that is to say, it is only fractionally longer than the time I have been with my boyfriend.

 

Andrew tells me that he loves me, and I know it is true. I also know that I love him. He is a fantasic person, and a great friend. Our lives are similiar, we have many of the same friends, we get along well, we even were great living together. We both have the same goals for the future. (many kids, travel and happiness).

 

I am torn however, because I also love my boyfriend. I know from reading the above you must think 'how on earth can see actually think that she is in love with her boyfriend', however I am. I love Gary (my boyfriend), he is a good person. We get along well together, hardly ever fight, we have bought a nice house together, we both have good jobs. One of the main problems is that as I mentioned previously, Gary is extremely anti-social. He suffers from social phobia, a condition where he basically gets sick when he goes out with people. This condition does not prevent him from working etc, however it does prevent him from coming going out friends, having people over for dinner. Now that he know what is happening between me and Andrew, he does not want me to see him, and honestly, I beleive it is a good idea.

 

However, not seeing Andrew means that I can not see my friends. I get so lonely with Gary, and it annoys me that he makes no effort when I suggest to go out with other people such as work collegues or his brother or my sisters. I hate having to always be 'just us'.

 

The truth is, deep down I want to break up with Gary. I feel, despite the fact that we are both decent people, we are not meant to be together. That we both expect different things from each other that I will not be able to provide nor he provide for me. He wants someone that is sensitive and a bit of a home-body, I want someone who is strong, can take the lead and does not mind socialising.

 

We are going to marriage counselling, and however much I do not want to be in my current relationship, I can not stop think ing that karma will get me if I leave. The problem is that my boyfriend does not want the relationship to end. He is happy in it, and he tells me that he will never find anyone else if I leave him. I am concerned what will happen to him if I leave, that if anything does happen to him, I am personally responsible.

 

It tears me apart, to think how much leaving him would hurt him. It does not seem fair that such a nice guy like him would have to spend his life alone.

 

I also worry that, if I don't try hard enough on my current relationship, then I am only setting a pattern for later life, that I will walk out of every future relationship. My final question is, am I only leaving my relationship because of my feeling for Andrew? (The truth is, I have not been 100% happy and have had doubts about our relationship ever since I went to China).

 

Has anyone been in a similiar situation?