HS Sweetheart??

[jace]

I have been married to my highschool sweetheart for a little over a year. We had been apart for 29 years living our own lives, but I always thought if I could find him my life would be complete. well through the internet I found him, in California. He was recently (2yrs) divorced from his wife of 27 years. We communicated for a couple of months and decided we should get married. He moved from Cal. to Ohio where I live. (and where we were both born)

 

I knew from the first month we were together, before we got married, that we should not get married, he was not the same person I always loved, he was suspicious, petty, accusatory,and degrading. Stupidly I married him because I felt guilty for bringing him here.

 

The first few months were ok, I told myself we needed to get accustomed to each other again. But not much has changed, he says I am the only person he ever loved, that I am the best thing that ever happened to him.

 

But, he definitely does not show it. I am constantly policed, when the phone rings, like clockwork, the minute I hang up I must tell him who it was and what they wanted. If my answer is they just wanted to talk, his reply is well they must have wanted something, what did you talk about? If I go out I must call him and tell hime what I'm doing. I am not allowed to visit my grandchildren unless my behavior is consistant with what he thinks it should be. We do not go out, and my children are only allowed here if he says so.

 

He degrades my kids to me but never says anything in front of them, that is my job..

 

His attention in the bedroom is sparse at best and incredibly unimaginative. He has turned into a grouchy old man and I am very young at heart and looks, and he resents that. I don't have a clue what to do, I just know I can't spend the rest of my life like this.

[Tony T]

People change. Very often we freeze images of young loves in our mind and we expect them and our feelings towards them to stay the same.

 

It's just like how we remember Elvis Presley, frozen in time at his age at death, 42. If he would have lived, he would now be nearly 70, likely have gray hair, weight 350 pounds, not be able to sing, be housebound and hardly the idol he continues to be.

 

What you were going for was NOT the person this guy is now, many, many years later. You were in love with the image of what you remembered him as your high school sweetheart.

 

You made a major mistake here lady. I don't care how bad you feel about booting him back out of town but you're going to have to do it. You are two people with nothing in common...and, to boot, he's a miserable horse's ass who promises to ruin the rest of your precious life if you continue to have him around.

 

You are under NO obligation to him. Let him know the problems you have with him. Let him know you are WAY TOO OLD to put up with this kind of juvenile, immature crap and you're not going to do it.

 

Assist him in every way to move, but be sure before he goes he signs the divorce papers. Better yet, get the thing annulled like it never happened.

 

What a nightmare.

 

Elvis has left the building.

[jace]

People change. Very often we freeze images of young loves in our mind and we expect them and our feelings towards them to stay the same.

 

It's just like how we remember Elvis Presley, frozen in time at his age at death, 42. If he would have lived, he would now be nearly 70, likely have gray hair, weight 350 pounds, not be able to sing, be housebound and hardly the idol he continues to be. What you were going for was NOT the person this guy is now, many, many years later. You were in love with the image of what you remembered him as your high school sweetheart. You made a major mistake here lady. I don't care how bad you feel about booting him back out of town but you're going to have to do it. You are two people with nothing in common...and, to boot, he's a miserable horse's ass who promises to ruin the rest of your precious life if you continue to have him around. You are under NO obligation to him. Let him know the problems you have with him. Let him know you are WAY TOO OLD to put up with this kind of juvenile, immature crap and you're not going to do it. Assist him in every way to move, but be sure before he goes he signs the divorce papers. Better yet, get the thing annulled like it never happened.

 

What a nightmare. Elvis has left the building.

[jace]

Thanks Tony for the advice, and I know you're right in what you suggest.

 

But, he will make this very hard, with tears and begging and pleading.

 

You are correct about being in love with what I remembered him to be, so young and full of life.

 

He definitely isn't that anymore, just old and set in his ways, I keep telling him his ex wife ruined him.

 

By the way he is only 52, he just acts 70. and at 48 I am anxious for someone fun, full of life, and sexy. None of which describe him.

 

Thanks again Tony, I appreciate your suggestions, hope I can pull them off!