Abby M Posted December 1, 2005 Share Posted December 1, 2005 My mom and i have have never seemed to get along. My dad left her before i was born, and she always says im just like my father. My mom kicked me out of the house when i was 16 yrs old.i have always tryid to talk to her but she wont talk to me. I m getting married in 2yrs i asked her if she would like to help me plan my wedding, or come for me. she said "i want nothing to do with this marrige, it will just end like every other merrige." My mom has been mwrried four times and has had a kid form each man, and she wants nothing to do with any of us kids. what did we ever do to her? i wish i could get her to come to my wedding Link to post Share on other sites
slubberdegullion Posted December 1, 2005 Share Posted December 1, 2005 She doesn't hate you, she hates herself. You just happen to be the closest one at hand so she rants at you. Leave the door open for her to be involved in the wedding, but don't pursue the matter further. If she chooses to be involved, great. If not, then so be it. Point is, the wedding day is the bride's day, not anyone elses. So do what you need to do and don't let her passive-aggressive issues get in the way of your joy. Link to post Share on other sites
a4a Posted December 1, 2005 Share Posted December 1, 2005 Slub great advice....... again! I was in a similar situation as you. I simply learned not to make the same mistakes as my mother did in her life. NC has proven to be the best thing I ever did for myself. I could not imagine having my own mother at my wedding, it would have ruined the entire day for me. May I ask why you feel it is important to include her in your wedding day? a4a - rebel monkey Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted December 1, 2005 Share Posted December 1, 2005 I pretty much have no relationship with my mother and the best thing you can do is just move on. I know how hard it is and it hurts like hell to be betrayed by the one woman who you are supposed to be able to trust. Believe me it has affected me and it had affacted my relationships with women. You just have to move on and be happy anyway. That is what I do. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Abby M Posted December 1, 2005 Author Share Posted December 1, 2005 I just want her to be there for me this time Link to post Share on other sites
catalyst Posted December 1, 2005 Share Posted December 1, 2005 Congratulations! Happy Wedding day! Check out "Chidren of the Self Absorbed" This is a great book about parents who are so wrapped up in themselves and their own pain that they can not meet the needs of their kids. It would be nice to have her there, but you may not get it and dont let that ruin your (or your new partner's) big day. She got burned in love a lot. Now she may be angry at you because you are having better luck. You know you have a parent like this because it seems that the happier you are with your life, the more they seem to resent you for it. I like to think about it this way, if my mother really did not want me to do something (buy a car for example) and really got mad about it, I used that as an indicator that I was making the right choice. It worked too. The madder she was about it, the more profitable the choice turned out to be in the end. In the end, her pain has NOTHING to do with you. Dont take it personaly shes just living in her own little pain-filled world. You really dont want to live there anyway. http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ControllingParents/ Link to post Share on other sites
a4a Posted December 1, 2005 Share Posted December 1, 2005 I just want her to be there for me this time Abby I do not mean to be harsh, but if what you posted is true about her she will ruin your wedding for you. You have got to see that she will not become the person you want her to be no matter how badly you may want that. If she does show up at the wedding will she be able to put aside her attitude towards you and towards marriage? How will it effect you on your wedding day if she did show up? The best advice I can give you is realize what mistakes she made and do your best not to make them yourself. I would not disinvite her.... but an invitation is all that is needed, she may show, but if she does be prepared if she decides to make your special day all about her......think hard if you want to deal with that or not. Congratulations by the way! a4a Link to post Share on other sites
archbean Posted December 2, 2005 Share Posted December 2, 2005 i'm in a similar situation with my family. i understand how much you wish you mother could be what a mother should be for you, but you need to understand that that's something that will likely never happen. i've come to terms with the fact that i will never get along with my family because they will never understand me, and i feel that i'm in a better position now because i have resolved this with myself. just remind yourself that even though your mother doesn't care a whit, you deserve better, and there are so many other people in your life who love you and care about you, and you should focus on yourself and them rather than you mother. congratulations on your engagement, i hope you have a wonderful marriage Link to post Share on other sites
Freyja Posted December 2, 2005 Share Posted December 2, 2005 My mom and i have have never seemed to get along. My dad left her before i was born, and she always says im just like my father. My mom kicked me out of the house when i was 16 yrs old.i have always tryid to talk to her but she wont talk to me. I m getting married in 2yrs i asked her if she would like to help me plan my wedding, or come for me. she said "i want nothing to do with this marrige, it will just end like every other merrige." My mom has been mwrried four times and has had a kid form each man, and she wants nothing to do with any of us kids. what did we ever do to her? i wish i could get her to come to my wedding Abby, I'm sorry you're in this nasty situation. But please try not to dwell on it so much, its not worth it. I understand our parents are supposed to be our closest people in our lives but sometimes they're like little children and can be very selfish. If your mother is treating you unjustly, then let go of her 'cause all she will do is cause you further stress. You've done the right and mature thing by inviting her and trying to make part of your happiness, you have done your part. Now its her turn, she can be a good mother and share your happiness or she can do her thing. Either way, don't let it affect you. I know its difficult, I myself am in a similar situation. At least your mother is behaving like this due to her own problems, my parents reject my marriage 'cause of their retarded community, just cause they can't handle interracial marriages. I mean how sick is that, my parents will reject my happiness so that they can have a good relationship with their stupid people. I've tried really hard to persuade them, with logic, the waterworks, everything but they don't agree and you know what, on top of all that they bloody curse me to have a nasty life because I am going against their wishes! Well I've decided I'm gonna do what I want with my life and marry without their approval/support. I think we put parents on such a high pedestal, we shouldn't. Yes they've given us life, but we are a gift to them, not something for them to toss about and hurt. Please don't let your mum ruin your day. Infact I'd say have the wedding without her, you'll most probably enjoy it better like that. I hope you have a fabulous wedding. Link to post Share on other sites
JayKay Posted December 5, 2005 Share Posted December 5, 2005 Sorry to hear your mom is so negative. Truthfully, you don't need that negativity at your happy day....so perhaps she is doing you a favor by not showing. If you really need to express yourself, try writing a letter to her that states how sad you are she can't be there and be supportive. Keep it short and to the point and be civil. Just let her know it saddens you that she can't put aside her own opinions of marriage long enough to be supportive for you. I hope you have a wonderful day and best wishes Link to post Share on other sites
catalyst Posted December 7, 2005 Share Posted December 7, 2005 "I think we put parents on such a high pedestal, we shouldn't. Yes they've given us life, but we are a gift to them, not something for them to toss about and hurt."-Frayja Exactly. Your mom chose to have a child. You were not consulted regarding your existance and therefore cannot be held liable or indebted to your parent in any way for raising you. Everything a parent gives you when you are little they give you because they are required by society and law to do so. So many parents actually raise kids with the idea that they are raising a person who will love them, who will take care of them when they are old. In other words its about what the child can give the parent. Not the other way around. If you raise a child well, with love and honor that child, you will probably wind up raising someone who will be there for you, but parents somethimes think this is a given. They dont have to earn it. They think they gave birth, we survived into adulthood and for the rest of our lives (and sometimes our childrens lives) we owe them for that alone. Link to post Share on other sites
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